Can anyone HELP!

[Guest guest]

Barb,

Here are a few ideas. You may have tried these ideas already and I think you said some of what I am saying too.

We as parents don't realize how many No's a child receives all day. I'm sure you try to keep it to a minimum. You really need to expect your child to have a negative reaction, just as you would have a negative reaction if your spouse or boss told you No for something, Being that it's dissapointing to hear No, teach your son an appropriate way to express his feelings of dissapointment. Fortunately, my son only stomps on the floor or yells back. I don't make an issue of his reaction because it's not dangerous like it could be if he were throwing things.

Because your son needs to throw things, try providing things that he can throw that aren't dangerous, a nerf ball or something that won't indanger or break things. This may help if you can teach him that he can express his anger in a way that won't hurt anyone. Just teach him that everyone get's angry and we need to find a safe way to express our feelings.

Make sure he knows you care about his desires and wishes but that whatever it is may not be appropriate at this time or able to be fulfilled. Stay true to what you tell him both in reward and consequences. If you aren't able to do what you said you would, you can explain it, if he understands.

Parents have a way of changing their minds about something and then forgetting to tell someone until the last minute....uh..ya.. I think it's a parental syndrome... but always remember children are little human beings and deserve as much respect as anyone.

There's a poem I recall that said something about "Believe your child is good and they'll be good. Our children really are good kids, they just have behaviors that we don't understand. Every behavior is a way of communication, we need to learn what they are communicating to us in both negative or positive respects and try to convey appropriate ways to express those thoughts or feelings.

I hope this helps, it may be that you already knew all this.

Yours, n

In a message dated 7/24/07 2:00:30 PM Eastern Daylight Time, mads3gs@... writes:

Barb, my 6 yr old doesnt respond to no very well either. I get the same reactions. Some advice to me was to try to correct what she was doing wrong with what she SHOULD be doing. Instead of no you cant have candy, it's... first you need to eat your dinner, then you can have a piece of candy. I try to avoid the word "NO" all together. I would love to hear some other advice on this topic myself. Good Luck!!!

BARBARA COINER <barbcoiner@...> wrote:

I have a six year old son who has ASD. He is I guess a little high functioning. Any way, he is at a stage where he is "smart mouthed" and has even thrown thingns at me twice in 2 weeks for telling him NO to something. He has never acted this way before and does not and will not do it to his dad. He has however gotten mad recently at his dad and told him he did not like him anymore for of course telling him NO to something. Is there anyone else out there experiencing this with their child. Do I immediately send him to a shrink or what??? I have instead talked to him and expressed how upset I was and that he could have hurt me and he cried and apologized and promised never to do it again (hmmmm). I also took away a playdate and no Mcs (his favorite). I took away another toy last week and he seem to truly understand that his behavior was not appropriate nor appreciated. Maybe I should just continue to let him know there are consequences to his actions and he will get it!! I don't know.

Barb

[Guest guest]

I have a six year old son who has ASD. He is I guess a little high functioning. Any way, he is at a stage where he is "smart mouthed" and has even thrown thingns at me twice in 2 weeks for telling him NO to something. He has never acted this way before and does not and will not do it to his dad. He has however gotten mad recently at his dad and told him he did not like him anymore for of course telling him NO to something. Is there anyone else out there experiencing this with their child. Do I immediately send him to a shrink or what??? I have instead talked to him and expressed how upset I was and that he could have hurt me and he cried and apologized and promised never to do it again (hmmmm). I also took away a playdate and no Mcs (his favorite). I took away another toy last week and he seem to truly understand that his behavior was not appropriate nor

appreciated. Maybe I should just continue to let him know there are consequences to his actions and he will get it!! I don't know. Barb

[Guest guest]

Barb,Believe it or not this kind of behavior is a good thing...though I know it doesn't seem like it. This means he's realizing he has the power to say no and an effect on his environment. He's testing the waters and branching out. Doesn't make it any easier when he's chucking things at you. The key here is to stay consistent. If you tell him he's going to loose something because of his actions make sure that happens. Also try giving him choices so he has a little more control over the situation. Example: He still has to get dressed in the morning, but he can pick what shirt he gets to wear. The important thing to remember is not to start negotiating with him. If you start promising him good things if he shapes up after he's already broken the rules...you're encouraging him to break the rules and then shape later up to get a special treat. Make your expectations clear a head of time and stick to your guns. Good luck!BARBARA COINER

<barbcoiner@...> wrote: I have a six year old son who has ASD. He is I guess a little high functioning. Any way, he is at a stage where he is "smart mouthed" and has even thrown thingns at me twice in 2 weeks for telling him NO to something. He has never acted this way before and does not and will not do it to his dad. He has however gotten mad recently at his dad and told him he did not like him

anymore for of course telling him NO to something. Is there anyone else out there experiencing this with their child. Do I immediately send him to a shrink or what??? I have instead talked to him and expressed how upset I was and that he could have hurt me and he cried and apologized and promised never to do it again (hmmmm). I also took away a playdate and no Mcs (his favorite). I took away another toy last week and he seem to truly understand that his behavior was not appropriate nor appreciated. Maybe I should just continue to let him know there are consequences to his actions and he will get it!! I don't know. Barb

Ready for the edge of your seat? Check out tonight's top picks on TV.

[Guest guest]

Barb, my 6 yr old doesnt respond to no very well either. I get the same reactions. Some advice to me was to try to correct what she was doing wrong with what she SHOULD be doing. Instead of no you cant have candy, it's... first you need to eat your dinner, then you can have a piece of candy. I try to avoid the word "NO" all together. I would love to hear some other advice on this topic myself. Good Luck!!!BARBARA COINER <barbcoiner@...> wrote: I have a six year old son who has ASD. He is I guess a little high functioning. Any way, he is at a stage where he is "smart mouthed" and has even thrown thingns at me twice in 2 weeks for telling him NO to something. He has never acted this way before and does not and will not do it to his dad. He has however gotten mad recently at his dad and told him he did not like him anymore for of course telling him NO to something. Is there anyone else out there experiencing this with their child. Do I immediately send him to a shrink or what??? I have instead talked to him and expressed how upset I was and that he could have hurt me and he cried and apologized and promised never to do it again (hmmmm). I also took away a playdate and no Mcs (his favorite). I took away another toy last week and he seem to truly

understand that his behavior was not appropriate nor appreciated. Maybe I should just continue to let him know there are consequences to his actions and he will get it!! I don't know. Barb

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[Guest guest]

Thanks so much. Respite care would be great for me and my son is eligible, but we only can get someone for 40 hrs in one year!! In other words, not much. It seems everything I try ( SSI, Respite, Medicaid/Medicare) I am turned down becuase my hus maks too much money@@!!##! I would like to know where it all is as we struggle to pay bills and cannot afford my sons co-pays at the doctors. But I am hoping to find a job as my son is going to full day kindergarten this school year. I am of course terrified of that too!! I was a liitle afraid to share with anyone due to the fighting on-line I have seen recently and it is nice to know there are other things on peoples minds. Barb

----- Original Message ----From: "Eolanders@..." <Eolanders@...> Sent: Tuesday, July 24, 2007 2:26:18 PMSubject: Re: [ ] Can anyone HELP!

other things that work since your child is 6 these are age appropriate. Behavior chart-Say "You can have candy when" i.e. you get 3 stars, you finish your dinner or whatever the goal is. When your child does reach their goal say I am so proud of you ------------ -- you did x and now you have earned ------------ ------. Another way to get away from the candy is to find another activity thatyour child enjoys a game or movie or try a craft activity. Food can become a real problem as autistic kids get older. The important thing in all of this is to try to make your child understand that s/he received the item not b/c you like them but b/c they earned it through their good behavior. I know this all sounds so easy I am SPEDTutor in a local school system and getting my masters in Sped. More importantly. My brother is autistic and very low functioning I am his guardian and sometimes I just chuckle inside when I am in

IEP meetings and the teachers act as if everything is SO EASY. The best one was when he was ripping his clothes the Psych and teacher decided that he could just sit naked in his group home if was going to rip his clothes Brilliant! like I am really going to allow him to do that-needless to say it did not happen. I wonder how long some people would last if they had to care for an autistic person 24/7. Sometimes you wonder where their ideas come from. The best advice is to keep a good group of people around you and take advantage of respite care

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[Guest guest]

Thank you so much! It really helps just to know there are people who do understand.... Barb

----- Original Message ----From: " 1@..." < 1@...> Sent: Tuesday, July 24, 2007 2:54:57 PMSubject: Re: [ ] Can anyone HELP!

Barb, Here are a few ideas. You may have tried these ideas already and I think you said some of what I am saying too. We as parents don't realize how many No's a child receives all day. I'm sure you try to keep it to a minimum. You really need to expect your child to have a negative reaction, just as you would have a negative reaction if your spouse or boss told you No for something, Being that it's dissapointing to hear No, teach your son an appropriate way to express his feelings of dissapointment. Fortunately, my son only stomps on the floor or yells back. I don't make an issue of his reaction because it's not dangerous like it could be if he were throwing things. Because your son needs to throw things, try providing things that he can throw that aren't dangerous, a nerf ball or something that won't indanger or break things. This may help if you can teach him that he

can express his anger in a way that won't hurt anyone. Just teach him that everyone get's angry and we need to find a safe way to express our feelings. Make sure he knows you care about his desires and wishes but that whatever it is may not be appropriate at this time or able to be fulfilled. Stay true to what you tell him both in reward and consequences. If you aren't able to do what you said you would, you can explain it, if he understands. Parents have a way of changing their minds about something and then forgetting to tell someone until the last minute....uh. .ya.. I think it's a parental syndrome... but always remember children are little human beings and deserve as much respect as anyone. There's a poem I recall that said something about "Believe your child is good and they'll be good. Our children really are good kids, they just have behaviors that we don't understand. Every behavior is a way of communication,

we need to learn what they are communicating to us in both negative or positive respects and try to convey appropriate ways to express those thoughts or feelings. I hope this helps, it may be that you already knew all this. Yours, n In a message dated 7/24/07 2:00:30 PM Eastern Daylight Time, mads3gs (DOT) com writes:

Barb, my 6 yr old doesnt respond to no very well either. I get the same reactions. Some advice to me was to try to correct what she was doing wrong with what she SHOULD be doing. Instead of no you cant have candy, it's... first you need to eat your dinner, then you can have a piece of candy. I try to avoid the word "NO" all together. I would love to hear some other advice on this topic myself. Good Luck!!! BARBARA COINER <barbcoiner@sbcgloba l.net> wrote:

I have a six year old son who has ASD. He is I guess a little high functioning. Any way, he is at a stage where he is "smart mouthed" and has even thrown thingns at me twice in 2 weeks for telling him NO to something. He has never acted this way before and does not and will not do it to his dad. He has however gotten mad recently at his dad and told him he did not like him anymore for of course telling him NO to something. Is there anyone else out there experiencing this with their child. Do I immediately send him to a shrink or what??? I have instead talked to him and expressed how upset I was and that he could have hurt me and he cried and apologized and promised never to do it again (hmmmm). I also took away a playdate and no Mcs (his favorite). I took away another toy last week and he seem to truly understand that his behavior was not

appropriate nor appreciated. Maybe I should just continue to let him know there are consequences to his actions and he will get it!! I don't know. Barb

[Guest guest]

We went to Dr. Marker's Intensive Behavioral Workshop and it is

helping TREMENDOUSLY with my four year old son, who is also high

functioning. We have a lot of similar behaviors. My son will tell

me that he doesn't love me or that he is going to run away, etc when

he is frustrated. We learned to ignore those things. He has also

been quite aggressive in the past, but that has pretty much stopped

altogether. We are using positive discipline and it is really much

less stressful on my husband and I as well. I would recommend giving

them a call. It has taken a lot of the stress and tension out of our

household! The # is 216-252-1399 and their website is

www.ihmretreat.org .

--- In , Eslinger <r.eslinger@...>

wrote:

>

> Barb,

>

> Believe it or not this kind of behavior is a good thing...though I

know it doesn't seem like it. This means he's realizing he has the

power to say no and an effect on his environment. He's testing the

waters and branching out. Doesn't make it any easier when he's

chucking things at you. The key here is to stay consistent. If you

tell him he's going to loose something because of his actions make

sure that happens. Also try giving him choices so he has a little

more control over the situation. Example: He still has to get dressed

in the morning, but he can pick what shirt he gets to wear. The

important thing to remember is not to start negotiating with him. If

you start promising him good things if he shapes up after he's

already broken the rules...you're encouraging him to break the rules

and then shape later up to get a special treat. Make your

expectations clear a head of time and stick to your guns. Good luck!

>

>

>

> BARBARA COINER <barbcoiner@...>

wrote:

>

> I have a six year old son who has ASD. He is I guess a little

high functioning. Any way, he is at a stage where he is " smart

mouthed " and has even thrown thingns at me twice in 2 weeks for

telling him NO to something. He has never acted this way before and

does not and will not do it to his dad. He has however gotten mad

recently at his dad and told him he did not like him anymore for of

course telling him NO to something. Is there anyone else out there

experiencing this with their child. Do I immediately send him to a

shrink or what??? I have instead talked to him and expressed how

upset I was and that he could have hurt me and he cried and

apologized and promised never to do it again (hmmmm). I also took

away a playdate and no Mcs (his favorite). I took away another

toy last week and he seem to truly understand that his behavior was

not appropriate nor appreciated. Maybe I should just continue to

let him know there are consequences to his actions and he

> will get it!! I don't know.

>

> Barb

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Ready for the edge of your seat? Check out tonight's top picks on

TV.

>

[Guest guest]

Hey

Can I ask what town you live in?

----- Original Message -----

From:

Sent: Tuesday, July 24, 2007 6:29 PM

Subject: [ ] Re: Can anyone HELP!

We went to Dr. Marker's Intensive Behavioral Workshop and it is helping TREMENDOUSLY with my four year old son, who is also high functioning. We have a lot of similar behaviors. My son will tell me that he doesn't love me or that he is going to run away, etc when he is frustrated. We learned to ignore those things. He has also been quite aggressive in the past, but that has pretty much stopped altogether. We are using positive discipline and it is really much less stressful on my husband and I as well. I would recommend giving them a call. It has taken a lot of the stress and tension out of our household! The # is 216-252-1399 and their website is www.ihmretreat.org . > > I have a six year old son who has ASD. He is I guess a little high functioning. Any way, he is at a stage where he is "smart mouthed" and has even thrown thingns at me twice in 2 weeks for telling him NO to something. He has never acted this way before and does not and will not do it to his dad. He has however gotten mad recently at his dad and told him he did not like him anymore for of course telling him NO to something. Is there anyone else out there experiencing this with their child. Do I immediately send him to a shrink or what??? I have instead talked to him and expressed how upset I was and that he could have hurt me and he cried and apologized and promised never to do it again (hmmmm). I also took away a playdate and no Mcs (his favorite). I took away another toy last week and he seem to truly understand that his behavior was not appropriate nor appreciated. Maybe I should just continue to let him know there are consequences to his actions and he> will get it!! I don't know.> > Barb > > > > > > > > ---------------------------------> Ready for the edge of your seat? Check out tonight's top picks on TV.>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

My practice is in Howland, a suburb of Warren and I live in the Lordstown/Berlin Center/Mahoning County.

----- Original Message -----

From:

Sent: Tuesday, July 24, 2007 7:21 PM

Subject: Re: [ ] Re: Can anyone HELP!

Hey

Can I ask what town you live in?

----- Original Message -----

From:

Sent: Tuesday, July 24, 2007 6:29 PM

Subject: [ ] Re: Can anyone HELP!

We went to Dr. Marker's Intensive Behavioral Workshop and it is helping TREMENDOUSLY with my four year old son, who is also high functioning. We have a lot of similar behaviors. My son will tell me that he doesn't love me or that he is going to run away, etc when he is frustrated. We learned to ignore those things. He has also been quite aggressive in the past, but that has pretty much stopped altogether. We are using positive discipline and it is really much less stressful on my husband and I as well. I would recommend giving them a call. It has taken a lot of the stress and tension out of our household! The # is 216-252-1399 and their website is www.ihmretreat.org . > > I have a six year old son who has ASD. He is I guess a little high functioning. Any way, he is at a stage where he is "smart mouthed" and has even thrown thingns at me twice in 2 weeks for telling him NO to something. He has never acted this way before and does not and will not do it to his dad. He has however gotten mad recently at his dad and told him he did not like him anymore for of course telling him NO to something. Is there anyone else out there experiencing this with their child. Do I immediately send him to a shrink or what??? I have instead talked to him and expressed how upset I was and that he could have hurt me and he cried and apologized and promised never to do it again (hmmmm). I also took away a playdate and no Mcs (his favorite). I took away another toy last week and he seem to truly understand that his behavior was not appropriate nor appreciated. Maybe I should just continue to let him know there are consequences to his actions and he> will get it!! I don't know.> > Barb > > > > > > > > ---------------------------------> Ready for the edge of your seat? Check out tonight's top picks on TV.>

[Guest guest]

Barb - The other parents have given good advice here. Here's something different that we did with our son that helped out. I don't know about your son, but punishment never changed my son's behavior, or at least it didn't have the effect we needed (with the exception of spanking him when he ran into the street or touched the stove - he never did those things again). And we didn't even think of star charts! What changed our son's behavior was communicating to him what to expect in a way he could understand. For instance, when he was young, he would get upset when we took him to the store, esp when he wanted to go to the library (which he loved). But when we wrote down, "first store, then library", he then accepted the fact that we would be going to the store. He wasn't too happy, but at least we could shop in peace! I don't get the impression that your son

getting upset by errands you have to run!! But if you have to say no to his playing video games all the time, what you could do is let him know he first has to do his homework, then eat dinner, and then he can play video games (in a way he can understand, whether verbally, written or pictures). At first you might not see a change in behavior, but eventually he will learn that he will get to play games every day. In other words, the child isn't earning points to get a desired goal; he gets the desired activity no matter what. What he is learning is more along the lines of delayed gratification, and that he can predict what will happen next. Under those circumstances (successful predictions of what happens next and the knowledge that he will get an opportunity to do the desired activity), my son was able to do less desirable things and not be upset while doing them. Chris