Re: to moms who have boys with autism

July 6, 2007

Yes...it's a sensory thing rather than sexual. My grandson did this

more, right before he was dx'd when he was about 2 1/2. He always

liked the feel of smooth legs and is not picky about whose they are.

He also pushes on breasts, as you described, and will gently squeeze

the upper part of his mom's or my arms. He is 6 and he still does

this on occasion. We don't make a BIG deal about it, but we do

discourage him when he does. He kind of reminds me of us adults when

we touch a baby's skin and squeeze their fat little thighs. I even

find myself doing this to him when I kiss him on the cheek and give

him a squeeze. The problem , as you said, is that it appears

innapropriate...especially to other people. And as they get older,

it is hard to distinguish sexual advances from sensory issues.

My suggestion to you, if he does not stop when you ask him gently,

is to talk to an occupational therapist. He or she may have

suggestions to divert his attention to other objects or to de-

sensitize him from needing to touch and push. As much as I believe

it is a sensory thing, I still fear that testosterone may eventually

play a part in wanting to touch more. Even if it has nothing to do

with that, we still have to deal with how they are perceived by

girls who may not understand. Mothers are teaching their daughters

to not allow inapropriate touching, and rightfully so. I dread the

day Deb gets a phone call from an irate mother because her daughter

thought she was being victimized!!!

I do think that it IS different for boys who don't have autism.

First of all, they are able to grasp the idea of " no " when they are

younger, and when they are older, any inappropriate touching would

most likely fall unde the catagory of curiosity and experimenting.

Children are sexually aware so much earlier now, and it is not

unusual for such " touching " to be deliberate and even consentual.

Right or wrong, that is an entirely different issue and has to be

approached accordingly.

Anyway, Donna, you are not alone. I think that you have brought up

an excellent question, and we should probably discuss this further.

Any other suggestions out there are welcome!!!!

-Trish

>

> I don't ever have time to write into the group but I'm concerned

with my son and I'm almost embarrased to ask this, but are there

other moms who have boys who like to touch their moms in

unappropriate places? like my son who is 8 years old likes to touch

my upper leg and the way he touches me feels like he is being fresh

with me, he also wants to touch my chest at times. I have to wear

jeans because when I wear shorts, which are long, not short. he

still wants to touch me that way. It's aweful to me because I'm

worried about him being unappropriate, he's been doing this off and

on over the years since he was 2 years old and one time he stuck his

hand up a ladies skirt. (that was very embarrasing for me). Is

this happening with other boys with autism? I try to not make him

feel bad because I don't want him to think he is bad. What can I do

to stop him from doing this without making him feel bad, he seems to

take everything I say very negatively if I say no. If he

> grows out of some of the autism and gets married (which I really

don't know if that would ever happen) I worry that he will have

negative feelings about intimacy if I make an issue of it. Should I

ask a psycologist? Is it different with boys who don't have autism?

>

> Thanks,

>

> Donna

>

> ---------------------------------

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July 7, 2007

Donna - My NT son did this when he was younger. I agree with Trish

that it's a sensory thing, but it sure can be construed as

inappropriate, so it's not something you'd want to let him

continue. It didn't help that I nursed his younger sister and let

him watch. Once he said to me, " I like your milk machines!! " And I

was inwardly praying, PLEASE don't say that to your teacher! Chris