depression....

January 31, 2007

Oh Lordy, this is the first time I've responded to anyone on the list, but your

post compelled me to write. You didn't say how long you've had pain, but if

you've got a pain management doc, it's been long enough!

In answer to some of your Qs:

What do you guys do when the ones close to you are tired of hearing it? Since

chronic pain is impossible to really understand unless you've experienced it,

those around us can get sick of hearing us talk about it...And truthfully, we

can get immersed in our identities as " a person in constant pain " . Use your

spouse's comments as an opportunity to notice what you say and how often you

talk about your pain. Chances are, you've got a " story " that you rely on to

communicate to others. Do you use the same phrases or jokes over and over? I got

so I had a rap that I gave everyone, and once I realized it, I toned it down.

When you feel as though you can’t do anything you would normally do as a

family? We are supposed to go skiing with my parents (yes they ski – all over

Europe and out west) for a week in March. I don’t even want to go now. It's hard

to not be able to function like you used to, I know. But, it sounds like you're

still fairly functional, so be grateful for that, find something that you can

do, and do that! If your hubby or family gives you a hard time, they don't

really understand your limitations. Maybe ask them to come to your pain mgmt

doctor's office for an appt--sometimes hearing it from an authority figure makes

it more real.

Have any of you gone on to several docs before getting a doc that finds your

cause and treats your pain? YES!!! It can be notoriously difficult to get an

accurate diagnosis, especially with nerve pain, since the nervous system can

refer pain to different areas of the body. Keep looking until you find someone

who you can feel good about working with. It's your body!

I've had nerve pain for about 5 years, and have experienced many flares and

recoveries, tons of treatments and consultations from about 30+/- doctors(!),

and I have received several diagnoses, some of which conflict or contradict

others.

What I've come to believe is that when I look at this as purely a physical

issue, I'm missing the bigger picture. The life I was living before was not

truly the life I wanted or needed, but I was ignoring that, and pushing my self

and my body beyond healthy limits. I am a sensitive, creative person, and I was

working like a dog in the software industry like a tiny cog in a huge,

impersonal machine. I was addicted to the money and image it brought, meanwhile,

my authentic self, the one who can stare out windows for hours, who merges with

nature, dreaming and imagining whole other worlds, was slowly dying.

When the pain first became unbearable, I and everyone in my life thought I'd

just power it through much in the way I'd been living: quickly, efficiently, and

with as little effort as possible. Ha! To make a very long story short, suffice

it to say that what was really required was a near-complete deconstruction of

who I had been being, until I felt like my former self was lying around in

little pieces. The gift in all this (yes, I consider it a gift) is that I get to

build my self back up with consciousness and intention, evaluating and

considering each piece, rejecting what doesn't fit, and choosing what is really

true for me. How many people get to do this in life? Yes, being in pain sucks.

But here we are, and the glass is both half empty and half full. We have a

choice about which attitude we take. I find the " half full " approach more

uplifting and empowering, and when I catch myself focusing on the " half empty " ,

I try not to beat myself up--just go back to the

attitude I want to have.

Some books that I've found helpful are: The Five Stages of the Soul: Charting

the Spiritual Passages That Shape Our Lives by Harry R. Moody and Carroll;

The Best Spiritual Writing (Best Spiritual Writing Series, an annual collection

of stories, poems & essays) edited by Philip Zaleski; Beautiful Heart,

Beautiful Spirit by Orr; Foods That Fight Pain: Revolutionary New

Strategies for Maximum Pain Relief by Neal Barnard; and The Chronic Pain

Solution: Your Personal Path to Pain Relief by N. Dillard.

So, what I've come to see is that such a life-changing event is really a

spiritual issue, and its cost is pain and upheaval...Hang on, sweetie, you can

do it!

January 31, 2007

Absolutely loved your post!

I've been feeling some of those things you mentioned.

I had abused my body with exercise and a good part of the reason was vanity.

Recently I have taken up reading and sitting on my sun porch and loving it.

Yes, I miss the exercise and want to be able to do what I used to do but I

would never go back to doing exactly what I was doing and that was pushing

myself too hard even when it hurt.

I am a creative person and there is more to me than body, so yes, this is a

great way to look at the pain that has come into my life and yours.

Maybe I can be fixed but in the meantime I am enjoying the reading.

Thanks again for your post.

Brown <goldiosa@...> wrote:

Oh Lordy, this is the first time I've responded to anyone on the list, but

your post compelled me to write. You didn't say how long you've had pain, but if