I am not going to Texas!!!...JOKE...

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In a message dated 11/2/2007 4:31:40 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, stompingelk@... writes:

Sent to me from someone else and the statement aboutit being a real letter was on that...you be the judgebut you will laugh! Enjoy! This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent toAmerican companyProctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products.She really getsrolling after the first paragraph...

I got this from someone last month, I laughed so hard! I hope it is real because it's pretty funny.

JaneyAs day ends and night begins to falldoes your soul hear a Wolf's call As Wolf's cry is heard through the darkdoes it stir something within your heartSee what's new at AOL.com and Make AOL Your Homepage.

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Sent to me from someone else and the statement about

it being a real letter was on that...you be the judge

but you will laugh! Enjoy!

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to

American company

Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products.

She really gets

rolling after the first paragraph...

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads

for over 20 years

and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without

the Leak Guard Core or

Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback

riding or salsa

dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up

and down the beach

in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary

Flexi-Wings. Kudos

on being the only company smart enough to realize how

crucial it is that

maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe

and secure I feel each

month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher?

Ever suffered from

the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time

of the month is starting

right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal

forces violently

surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now,

my body

will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my

husband likes to call

'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the

human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division,

you've no doubt seen

quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during

your customers

monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must

know about the

bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about

our intense mood

swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behavior. You

surely realize

it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last

week, my friend

fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's

testicles into

a Foreman Grill just because he told her he

thought Grey's

Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that

America is just

crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants...

Which brings me to the

reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful

I wanted to reach

inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an

Always maxi-pad, and

there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these

words: 'Have a Happy

Period.'

Are you fu*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any

part of your tiny

middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual

smiling, laughing

happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did

anything mentioned

above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it,

?

FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S & M freak girl,

there will never be

anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack

yourself up on

Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just

so you don't march

down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting

rifle and a sketchy

plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you

just have to slap a

moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more

sense to say

something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down

the Hammer' or 'Vehicular

Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that,

effective

immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly

profits, for I have chosen to take

my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will

certainly miss your

Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand

of condescending

bull sh*t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,

Wendi s

Austin , TX

Spiritual freedom is my birthright.

I am a free thinker. I am able to rise above mental

prejudices and stereotypes of others.

I am a free thinker. Nobody and nothing can manipulate

me or deceive me.

I am a free thinker. I freely choose truth and love.

Today, I embrace a greater degree of spiritual

freedom.

__________________________________________________