So great to be back on the Feisty site.

[Guest guest]

It is a comfort and a relief to know that the Feisties are still here and going

strong.

I can't believe it has been almost 4 years from my " dreaded " flatback surgery,

but it has made a huge difference in my life. Sometimes when I n get too

comfortable with my new status, I need a reality check to remind me of how far I

have com e, and how quickly I can slide back if I don't watch my p's and q's.

Or if my flat back syndrome at some time in the future morphs into some new and

unusual medical phenomena.? So I try not to take for granted the wonderful

surgery that my scoliosis docs did for me that has allowed me to live and enjoy

the life I have now. My bad, I haven't been back to see them since my post op

check up. I will go soon, but I almost don't want to " Jinx " the great work

they did. Superstitious, I guess, in a way. I just don't want to admit that

anything could go wrong. Or that I would dare to surmise that I am " cured " .

I guess it's that old scoliosis superstitious nature that befalls one when they

are told that " You are cured for life " after major spinal surgery at the tender

age of 17. Only to have all come crashing down in your 40's when you are told

that you have failed spinal surgery and will need to get it done all over

again. What a frightening thing to behold.

So, I have survived 2 major spinal surgeries. Now I don't dare look too far

into the future or another shoe could drop. All superstition ? Maybe. But

the roller coaster ride of scoliosis seems to continue whether we are willing

participants or not. There just seems to be so many ups, downs, twists and

turns to this condition of scoliosis. I guess we just live day to day and

appreciate the calm moments when they occur. I want to pinch myself sometimes

when I realize that I can actually walk now...straight, and not be in pain. I

keep my cane and don't dare throw it out. I remember where I was, how far I

have come, and how it can all disappear again in an instant.

For now, I am grateful, very grateful for the life I now live. Far from

perfect, but way better than the last 10 years. It's almost like I lost my

innocence when I had to have the first scoliosis surgery in my senior year of

High school. And then lost almost a decade of my 40's to this mysterious and

very painful thing called flatback syndrome (H.A.R.M.S.) A lot of lost time.

So, for now I am grateful but still wary what the future holds. Maybe, just

maybe, this time, when they say I am " cured " , it will be true. Maybe THIS

spinal surgery and new fangled hardware and fusion will indeed hold. Hold me

through for the rest of my life. I cross my fingers and hold my breath. And

pray, this time it will hold and I will never have to undergo another horrendous

spinal surgery ever again.