Guest guest Posted January 5, 2008 Report Share Posted January 5, 2008 Andy -- Hi, it's me again. You wrote a while back: I sure hope this was my last surgery – it gets harder and harder the more you remember from your previous procedures. Can anyone relate to that??? I just want to say: O yes indeed! After eight major spine jobs and countless pain-pump revisions, I needed yet another pump revision a couple months ago. This was merely the latest in a string of straightforward, 2-3-hour operations focused on the area just under my abdominal epidermis -- no messing with my spine or vital organs. For some reason, though, the prospect of this surgery had me weak in the knees and sternly wrenching myself back from the edge of hysteria. Also, it took all of my resolve and much earnest self-pep-talking to get to the podiatrist for the bunionectomy and hammertoe revision I underwent this past fall. The procedure itself (performed without a hitch in an ambulatory surger unit) bent me out of shape for at least a week. I seem to turn into a bigger baby with each new operation. I start globalizing and catastrophizing and having dark, amorphous feelings of impending doom. I hope no one suggests so much as a root canal to me anytime soon, or I will probably have a profound existential crisis followed by some kind of protracted phobic disorder. I have no clue why it gets harder and harder to "go under the knife." Shouldn't it be getting easier? Your sincerely commiserating colleague, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2008 Report Share Posted January 6, 2008 , I completely agree! I expected to be less anxious this third time around, but I was more freaked out than ever before. I can only imagine what it’s like for you, having had – oh my gawd – EIGHT spine procedures as well as non-trivial procedures for your pain pump. I’d need massive amounts of tranquilizers for sure. Maybe it gets harder and harder because – at least for me – I register more information during each go-round and so there’s more info for my imagination to work with. When I was 18, for example, and had my first surgery, I only remember the appointment with my surgeon when he said I had to have surgery – and he showed me illustrations of the procedure and the body-cast I’d need to wear afterward – to a self-conscious teen, that was like a death sentence. Actually, death would have been preferable! In fact, most of my memories of that first surgery were about the cast. As an adult, my concerns for my revision were mostly about, “Should I do this?” And, “Will I have more pain?” I have vivid memories of the IV morphine hallucinations, the inadequate nursing care (a problem my husband solved when he hired a private overnight nurse), and the transition from morphine to less potent meds. I vaguely remember the logistics of the whole experience – but that was what I picked up on this time. I noticed the wait prior to being wheeled into the OR, being wheeled through the corridors, and the VERY cold and white OR. I was asked to shimmy off the gurney onto the operating table – that was a surprise! I remember the anesthesiologist saying “they love this” and then I was out. So, to make a short story long (sorry), I think it’s the accumulation of remembered information that gets us anxious. No ignorance = No bliss. I hope you’ve recovered from your most recent pump surgery. It sucks that you’ve become “an old hand” at this stuff. When do we get a break????????? Yours, Andy From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Rasche Sent: Saturday, January 05, 2008 11:18 AM To: Subject: PS to Andy Andy -- Hi, it's me again. You wrote a while back: I sure hope this was my last surgery – it gets harder and harder the more you remember from your previous procedures. Can anyone relate to that??? I just want to say: O yes indeed! After eight major spine jobs and countless pain-pump revisions, I needed yet another pump revision a couple months ago. This was merely the latest in a string of straightforward, 2-3-hour operations focused on the area just under my abdominal epidermis -- no messing with my spine or vital organs. For some reason, though, the prospect of this surgery had me weak in the knees and sternly wrenching myself back from the edge of hysteria. Also, it took all of my resolve and much earnest self-pep-talking to get to the podiatrist for the bunionectomy and hammertoe revision I underwent this past fall. The procedure itself (performed without a hitch in an ambulatory surger unit) bent me out of shape for at least a week. I seem to turn into a bigger baby with each new operation. I start globalizing and catastrophizing and having dark, amorphous feelings of impending doom. I hope no one suggests so much as a root canal to me anytime soon, or I will probably have a profound existential crisis followed by some kind of protracted phobic disorder. I have no clue why it gets harder and harder to " go under the knife. " Shouldn't it be getting easier? Your sincerely commiserating colleague, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 6, 2008 Report Share Posted January 6, 2008 Gosh, It is so good to hear that others are as afaid as I am. Everyone is always talking about their surgeries and what they are preparing to do. I have felt like such a baby. I have had 3 major spine surgeries and am supposed to be scheduling another revision for last of April or first of May. Since Christmas I have been thinking maybe, I will just forget the next surgery maybe, I can stand it the way I am. I don't know what I will end up doing but right now I just get weak in the knees thinking about it. Like you I could do without ever having to be put to sleep again and I have not had near what you have had. PS to Andy Andy -- Hi, it's me again. You wrote a while back: I sure hope this was my last surgery – it gets harder and harder the more you remember from your previous procedures. Can anyone relate to that??? I just want to say: O yes indeed! After eight major spine jobs and countless pain-pump revisions, I needed yet another pump revision a couple months ago. This was merely the latest in a string of straightforward, 2-3-hour operations focused on the area just under my abdominal epidermis -- no messing with my spine or vital organs. For some reason, though, the prospect of this surgery had me weak in the knees and sternly wrenching myself back from the edge of hysteria. Also, it took all of my resolve and much earnest self-pep-talking to get to the podiatrist for the bunionectomy and hammertoe revision I underwent this past fall. The procedure itself (performed without a hitch in an ambulatory surger unit) bent me out of shape for at least a week. I seem to turn into a bigger baby with each new operation. I start globalizing and catastrophizing and having dark, amorphous feelings of impending doom. I hope no one suggests so much as a root canal to me anytime soon, or I will probably have a profound existential crisis followed by some kind of protracted phobic disorder. I have no clue why it gets harder and harder to "go under the knife." Shouldn't it be getting easier? Your sincerely commiserating colleague, Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2008 Report Share Posted January 8, 2008 I hear you, Elaine. I am glad to hear that you are reserving judgment and are feeling fully in charge of your own treatment. This was so important for me. I think what scared me most was the prospect of having to abdicate -- again! -- to other human beings who would have my body, life, and fate in their hands for x number of hours. If you do have the surgery, and if you should get acutely upset or panicked shortly before it takes place, please don't think twice about it. I have heard from so many people who felt as if they were completely freaking out as the surgery became imminent. I was certainly one such person. It's a totally temporary condition, and you will not have it when you emerge from the anesthesia. Of course you won't feel tiptop for a while, but that awful anxiety will be totally gone. I guess I am just belaboring the obvious here, but I think that is one thought I finally seized on to calm myself down before the last operation. I reminded myself that I just had to make it to the OR and let them put me out, and after that everything would be fine. Well, maybe not fine, but at least a whole lot better in the " emnotional sense. I sometimes find it hard to decide which is worse, severe anxiety or severe physical pain (apart from the fact that they sometimes go hand in hand). Apples and oranges, I guess. Anyway, I hope it helps a little to know that everything you have been feeling with respect to your possible upcoming surgery is 100 percent normal. I seem to remember one (1) member -- out of all our hundreds over the years -- who seemed to be feeling and acting " regular " before her revision surgery. But who knows what she was secretly feeling inside? And I know for a fact that a whole huge bunch of us have felt totally bananas pre-op! I think I attempted to write a humorous post about this subject once -- will try to find it in the archives. Best, > > Gosh, It is so good to hear that others are as afaid as I am. Everyone is always talking about their surgeries and what they are preparing to do. I have felt like such a baby. I have had 3 major spine surgeries and am supposed to be scheduling another revision for last of April or first of May. Since Christmas I have been thinking maybe, I will just forget the next surgery maybe, I can stand it the way I am. I don't know what I will end up doing but right now I just get weak in the knees thinking about it. Like you I could do without ever having to be put to sleep again and I have not had near what you have had. > > > PS to Andy > > Andy -- > Hi, it's me again. You wrote a while back: > I sure hope this was my last surgery – it gets harder and harder the more you remember from your previous procedures. Can anyone relate to that??? > I just want to say: O yes indeed! > After eight major spine jobs and countless pain-pump revisions, I needed yet another pump revision a couple months ago. This was merely the latest in a string of straightforward, 2-3-hour operations focused on the area just under my abdominal epidermis -- no messing with my spine or vital organs. For some reason, though, the prospect of this surgery had me weak in the knees and sternly wrenching myself back from the edge of hysteria. > Also, it took all of my resolve and much earnest self-pep-talking to get to the podiatrist for the bunionectomy and hammertoe revision I underwent this past fall. The procedure itself (performed without a hitch in an ambulatory surger unit) bent me out of shape for at least a week. > I seem to turn into a bigger baby with each new operation. I start globalizing and catastrophizing and having dark, amorphous feelings of impending doom. I hope no one suggests so much as a root canal to me anytime soon, or I will probably have a profound existential crisis followed by some kind of protracted phobic disorder. > I have no clue why it gets harder and harder to " go under the knife. " Shouldn't it be getting easier? > Your sincerely commiserating colleague, > > > > > > > > > _____________________________________________________________________ _______________ > Never miss a thing. Make your home page. > http://www./r/hs > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2008 Report Share Posted January 10, 2008 Thanks for the support. You and have made me feel better. I am still thinking maybe not, but then on days when the pain wears me down I think don't be silly. So right now I just can't commit. PS to Andy> > Andy --> Hi, it's me again. You wrote a while back:> I sure hope this was my last surgery – it gets harder and harder the more you remember from your previous procedures. Can anyone relate to that???> I just want to say: O yes indeed!> After eight major spine jobs and countless pain-pump revisions, I needed yet another pump revision a couple months ago. This was merely the latest in a string of straightforward, 2-3-hour operations focused on the area just under my abdominal epidermis -- no messing with my spine or vital organs. For some reason, though, the prospect of this surgery had me weak in the knees and sternly wrenching myself back from the edge of hysteria. > Also, it took all of my resolve and much earnest self-pep-talking to get to the podiatrist for the bunionectomy and hammertoe revision I underwent this past fall. The procedure itself (performed without a hitch in an ambulatory surger unit) bent me out of shape for at least a week. > I seem to turn into a bigger baby with each new operation. I start globalizing and catastrophizing and having dark, amorphous feelings of impending doom. I hope no one suggests so much as a root canal to me anytime soon, or I will probably have a profound existential crisis followed by some kind of protracted phobic disorder. > I have no clue why it gets harder and harder to "go under the knife." Shouldn't it be getting easier? > Your sincerely commiserating colleague,> > > > > > > > > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _____________ ___> Never miss a thing. Make your home page. > http://www.. com/r/hs> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 14, 2008 Report Share Posted January 14, 2008 I will second that you have no idea of the questions that I bombarded Ann, and with Andy!. Even to this day I still drive Ann and probably Isabella mad with all my questions. but they both love me really lol So any questions just fire away! Pippa x > > Sorry Andy, it's me again. > > I know how you feel about the surgery, because it was the first time I had ever had any too. My attitude was " Let it happen " and I basically just did what I was told to do and put myself into their hands. It seemed to work for me. > > If you have any questions you want to ask (however daft they sound) go ahead. I needed to ask some very strange questions of the people in the Group and they answered them for me and made me feel so much better about things, the little niggling doubts. > > Bye again XX > > > --------------------------------- > Support the World Aids Awareness campaign this month with for Good > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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