Participation and feeling guilty.

[Guest guest]

Since being dx'ed in July, I have felt physically great and

increasingly great emotionally as I've come to accept CML and that

life can carry on normally thanks to Gleevec. I am thankful for this

every moment.

When I was dx'ed, my life was turned upside down. As we all know, you

go through so many stages of emotions and your life really changes. I

became very aware of my own mortality and what is really important. I

became very aware of the various cancer organizations like Relay For

Life and Team In Training and felt compelled and obligated to

participate.

I had never before been one to rally behind a cause and there I was

attending the meetings and supporting the initiatives. I was and

still am blown away by how caring people can be and how generous some

people are with their time and efforts. But as I become more and more

involved I feel like I'm doing it more for other people than for

myself. I'm feeling obligated (and urged) to be the new poster boy

for CML.

The truth is, I feel the best emotionally and physically when I

forget that I have CML (truly a blessing). Being a part of Relay or

other cancer groups constantly reminds me that I have cancer and that

I could die. People are dying every day from this stuff and it breaks

my heart to dwell on that, to read the blogs, and constantly

acknowledge death.

In Relay For Life, I'm called a " Survivor " . I don't feel like a

survivor because I haven't gone to battle. I feel unworthy of the

membership and guilty that I just want to live a life that isn't

focused on cancer. Personally, I feel that carrying on with life,

staying positive, eating right, and not dwelling on cancer is the

best approach for me but it does nothing for the movement.

Has anyone battled with this guilt?

[Guest guest]

Hey Group:

Jmace, don't ever feel guilty; I'm in a position 'battling' my many illnesses

that I am only able to 'sit & register' those participating; as I was always one

who 'did'. Now I have learned to sit and let those who can 'do'.

Annie, CONGRATS on Steve's reaching '0' . . .

Thanx (gf) for your post to Jim also, he's gonna have many years to be

here for our sister & brother survivors.

That's the main reason I hang around and send my NEWBIE letter out; its my way

of contributing.

All are in my prayers.

" K "

" I AIN'T FINISHED YET " !!!