Exploring the Should's: Is it Necessity, Desire, or Guilt?

[Guest guest]

Exploring the " Should's " : Is it Necessity, Desire, or Guilt?

By ADD Management Coach Koretsky

© Copyright 2004

How many times a day do you find yourself using the word " should " ?

ADDers are full of " should's " : I should do the dishes, I should clean

out the fridge, I should see that movie, I should call my friend,

etc. The word " should " can be very dangerous to an adult with ADD,

because it often results in guilt.

In order to break through this and help you prioritize the things

that you " should " do, try exploring your " should's " by asking

yourself the following question:

Is this a necessity, a desire, or guilt? Here are some examples:

I should do my taxes.

Necessity: If you don't do your taxes, you can find your finances

slipping out of control. You can end up owing the government penalty

fees. And you will absolutely have undue stress. This " should " is a

necessity.

I should buy that CD.

Desire: This is something that you want to make you happy. You like

the music you hear, and therefore you want to own it. This " should "

is a desire.

I should clean my house more often.

Guilt: If the " should " comes when you compare yourself to others,

then guilt is probably involved. It often happens when we feel like

we are not living up to the performance or expectations of others (or

our perceived performance/expectations of others.) If you visit a

friend's house and its neat and clean, you may falsely interpret this

to mean that your friend cleans all the time. In reality, your

friend may have spent hours cleaning her/his house before you arrived

to make it look nice! If you are physically and mentally comfortable

with the amount of time you spend cleaning your house, then cleaning

more often is not a necessity, it's not a desire, its a " should " that

is just useless guilt!

Try this exercise for a whole day. Every time you find yourself

using the word " should, " ask yourself if its a necessity, desire, or

guilt. I promise that you'll feel a lot a better about all the

things you think you " should " be doing!

About the Author:

Koretsky is a Professional ADD Management Coach who helps

adults manage their ADD and move forward in life. She encourages

clients to increase self-awareness, focus on strengths, and create

realistic action plans. She offers a 90-day intensive skill-building

program, workshops, and private coaching. Her work has been featured

in numerous media, including The New York Times Magazine. To

subscribe to 's free email newsletter, The ADD Management

Guide, please visit http://www.addmanagement.com/e-newsletter.htm.