Hello everyone

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/1/01 9:25:27 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

crowcountryhf@... writes:

> Anyhow... wanted to introduce myself (and my mom). I look forward to

> chatting and dealing with y'all.

>

>

Hi Don and Mom!

Welcome to the group! I am in South Carolina. Let us know how we can help.

Angie

The Herbarie

at Stoney Hill Farm

Angie

The Herbarie

at Stoney Hill Farm

[Guest guest]

HI Don

> Anyhow... wanted to introduce myself (and my mom). I look forward to

> chatting and dealing with y'all.

>

Welcome to the list. Sounds like your mother and you have a good thing

going!!! )

Hope the summer tourist season goes well for you!!!

&

http://www.betweenfriendstoo.com

Supplier of quality products for your soap making and body essential needs.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/6/01 10:48:47 AM Eastern Daylight Time, cathcart@... writes:

We also found it rather disheartening that not a single parent we met at the conference has their child in private school (everyone either fights the local school district, or homeschools).

So it looks like we are back to public school again this year. We are actually going to have Grant repeat the 8th grade, hoping that the extra year of maturity will do him some good. I took a lot of notes in the talk on "Getting your local school to listen" and have a 3 inch thick notebook of Grant's entire educational history. I hope I can be a better advocate for him this year.

Any words of advise, encouragement, warning!

--

I personally went to a private Catholic school when I was in my elementary years, and due to my fearful experiences there, I refused to even entertain the idea of private education for any of my 3 sons (despite my parents disappointment). Granted, the nuns and priests don't beat you with a ruler anymore, nor do they force you into confession and make you repeat prayers that make no sense, but from MY perspective---- private schools are for 4 reasons: 1) religious (although one must be careful with religion due to scrupulocity OCD) 2) your child is a disciplinary problem and needs a 'heavy hand' or 3) s/he has military ambitions (and would enjoy a private school with a military emphasis) or 4) your child is academically gifted and bright and succeeds in an environment where self-discipline and academics RULE.

This is NOT a place where children with NPD's should be. However, that's just MY opinion.

They aren't protected by the law and basically, you as a parent have to go along with whatever they decide--- which is usually nothing except more discipline, or they get kicked out.

The public school system has so much more to offer.

-Your son could enter the 8th grade as a normal 8th grader

-Your son could get an IEP or 504 and be protected under the disability act and thus, the school has to accomodate his disorder (by reducing and making adjustments to the requirements) -- all within the 8th grade classroom

-Your son could use the 'special ed' program which will offer tudors and MORE help, if needed.

-If your son's OCD is severe, he could also go into a 'self-contained' environment which will offer even MORE accomodations and support. I'm not sure if 'self-contained' is available to an 8th grader, but it IS available in elementary school.

None of these services are available thru' the private school system that I know of. The only 'fighting' I've done with the public school system is to FIGHT their recommendations that my son *needs more help.* In other words, I tend to be in DENIAL about him (LOL) and don't want to hear 'We feel he may need more assistance..." Public school is an all-you-can-eat buffet bar--- and the decisions can be tough. But, the level of COMPASSION towards kids who are having problems is wonderful. I actually REGRET that I never had the opportunity to attend public school in my elementary years because private school TAINTED my perceptions of the world. Most of the kids that attended were 1) extremely wealthy 'brats' 2) were a discipline problem or 3) their parents were racists and wanted to keep their child from interacting with minorities....

*sigh* I'm sure many kids were there for religious education, however, once I entered public school in the 7th grade, I realized just how sheltered I had been from a whole WORLD of people, ideas, and situations that would have BENEFITED my development!!! I feel as though private school stunted my personal growth in many ways..... One of my sisters developed an ANXIETY DISORDER in the 4th grade thanks to an abusive nun who enjoyed torturing little children.... Granted, times have changed, but I'm still distrustful of 'closed systems' and prefer that my child is exposed to a VARIETY of people and is protected under the law.

For what it's worth, you can get more information about the 'self-contained' classroom by doing a search in our archives for those words. I posted my own personal dilema back in May or June about a big decision I was trying to make about my own son. The posts were wonderfully informative about all the options my son has (keeping him mainstreamed, or go into self-contained).

I still haven't made my decision.... however I see that he NEEDS self-contained. This summer has been an eye-opener for me as to how much my son is mentally tortured everyday by OCD. However, I'm so torn due to my own 'self containment' as a child in an abusive *Private* School System.... is it any wonder I'm distrustful? I'm sure I have no reason to be, but I am, nonetheless.... proceeding with caution... LOL Naturally, I'm a little distrustful of children in ANYTHING that resembles the isolation (and subsequent cruelty) I endured in Private School.

Just my two cents....

Joni

Mom of (20), (18, ADHD+mild OCD) and (10, OCD)

P.S. Welcome to the group!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/6/01 2:52:09 PM Eastern Daylight Time, nmlinnen@... writes:

I think private school can be accomodating due to the size and less bureacracy, and parent involvement, and also because of shared values-which creates a connection rather than a parent vs teacher scenario. ***But, if they are real tied up in standards, competition, grade point average etc, they might not want students with difficulties. *** This is really not very charitable or in keeping ith religious values IMO, so I think a truly religious school would be charitable before they'd be "success at all costs" oriented.

This was my experience. The private school I attended - (and it hasn't improved since I was a child-- my nephews attend the same school) is overly concerned with standards, COMPETITION, grade point average AND extreme DISCIPLINE. My sister pulled both of her sons out after 2 years because they were so miserable.

If only there were more private schools with a focus on CHARITY, Grace.... If so, I'd be more open to the idea.

Joni

[Guest guest]

My daughter (age 8 bipolar/ocd) attends a private Catholic School and has for three years along with my other two kids. Our school is wonderful - totally accomodating and understanding. They have accepted our "Recommendation - IEP" with no problems and they work with us on every issue. Our school has teachers that are very loving not to mention that have their masters in special ed too. We have been very fortunate. My daughter loves structure - and wearing the same uniform every day - routine etc. This has worked for us so far and only time will tell for the future but right now we're at peace with our school.

in PA

-----Original Message-----From: lyricaldreamer@... [mailto:lyricaldreamer@...]Sent: Monday, August 06, 2001 12:46 PM Subject: Re: Hello everyoneIn a message dated 8/6/01 10:48:47 AM Eastern Daylight Time, cathcart@... writes:

We also found it rather disheartening that not a single parent we met at the conference has their child in private school (everyone either fights the local school district, or homeschools). So it looks like we are back to public school again this year. We are actually going to have Grant repeat the 8th grade, hoping that the extra year of maturity will do him some good. I took a lot of notes in the talk on "Getting your local school to listen" and have a 3 inch thick notebook of Grant's entire educational history. I hope I can be a better advocate for him this year. Any words of advise, encouragement, warning! -- I personally went to a private Catholic school when I was in my elementary years, and due to my fearful experiences there, I refused to even entertain the idea of private education for any of my 3 sons (despite my parents disappointment). Granted, the nuns and priests don't beat you with a ruler anymore, nor do they force you into confession and make you repeat prayers that make no sense, but from MY perspective---- private schools are for 4 reasons: 1) religious (although one must be careful with religion due to scrupulocity OCD) 2) your child is a disciplinary problem and needs a 'heavy hand' or 3) s/he has military ambitions (and would enjoy a private school with a military emphasis) or 4) your child is academically gifted and bright and succeeds in an environment where self-discipline and academics RULE. This is NOT a place where children with NPD's should be. However, that's just MY opinion. They aren't protected by the law and basically, you as a parent have to go along with whatever they decide--- which is usually nothing except more discipline, or they get kicked out. The public school system has so much more to offer. -Your son could enter the 8th grade as a normal 8th grader -Your son could get an IEP or 504 and be protected under the disability act and thus, the school has to accomodate his disorder (by reducing and making adjustments to the requirements) -- all within the 8th grade classroom -Your son could use the 'special ed' program which will offer tudors and MORE help, if needed. -If your son's OCD is severe, he could also go into a 'self-contained' environment which will offer even MORE accomodations and support. I'm not sure if 'self-contained' is available to an 8th grader, but it IS available in elementary school. None of these services are available thru' the private school system that I know of. The only 'fighting' I've done with the public school system is to FIGHT their recommendations that my son *needs more help.* In other words, I tend to be in DENIAL about him (LOL) and don't want to hear 'We feel he may need more assistance..." Public school is an all-you-can-eat buffet bar--- and the decisions can be tough. But, the level of COMPASSION towards kids who are having problems is wonderful. I actually REGRET that I never had the opportunity to attend public school in my elementary years because private school TAINTED my perceptions of the world. Most of the kids that attended were 1) extremely wealthy 'brats' 2) were a discipline problem or 3) their parents were racists and wanted to keep their child from interacting with minorities.... *sigh* I'm sure many kids were there for religious education, however, once I entered public school in the 7th grade, I realized just how sheltered I had been from a whole WORLD of people, ideas, and situations that would have BENEFITED my development!!! I feel as though private school stunted my personal growth in many ways..... One of my sisters developed an ANXIETY DISORDER in the 4th grade thanks to an abusive nun who enjoyed torturing little children.... Granted, times have changed, but I'm still distrustful of 'closed systems' and prefer that my child is exposed to a VARIETY of people and is protected under the law. For what it's worth, you can get more information about the 'self-contained' classroom by doing a search in our archives for those words. I posted my own personal dilema back in May or June about a big decision I was trying to make about my own son. The posts were wonderfully informative about all the options my son has (keeping him mainstreamed, or go into self-contained). I still haven't made my decision.... however I see that he NEEDS self-contained. This summer has been an eye-opener for me as to how much my son is mentally tortured everyday by OCD. However, I'm so torn due to my own 'self containment' as a child in an abusive *Private* School System.... is it any wonder I'm distrustful? I'm sure I have no reason to be, but I am, nonetheless.... proceeding with caution... LOL Naturally, I'm a little distrustful of children in ANYTHING that resembles the isolation (and subsequent cruelty) I endured in Private School. Just my two cents.... Joni Mom of (20), (18, ADHD+mild OCD) and (10, OCD) P.S. Welcome to the group! You may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing listserv@... . In the body of your message write: subscribe OCD-L your name. You may subscribe to the Parents of Adults with OCD List at parentsofadultswithOCD-subscribe . You may subscribe to the OCD and Homeschooling List at ocdandhomeschooling-subscribe . You may change your subscription format or access the files, bookmarks, and archives for our list at . Our list advisors are Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., and Dan Geller, M.D. Our list moderators are Birkhan, Kathy Hammes, Jule Monnens, Gail Pesses, Kathy , and Jackie Stout. Subscription issues or suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at lharkins@... .

[Guest guest]

Hi and welcome,

My daughter entered private school for 7th grade last year. She had

previously been homeschooled. She was not diagnosed with ocd at the

time (nor is she now, though we have started seeing a therapist). I

believe she has BDD and social anxiety which can be hard to separate

from normal teen concerns, and so the reluctance of the therapist to

give a diagnosis yet. But clearly it is severe at times, because she

spends hours grooming during bad " spells " (which has developed into

trichotillomania with her eyebrows) and won't be seen outside the

house, or even her room at times. She also has panic attacks that

come on when she is too overwhelmed with school concerns. Testing,

esp math, is very hard for her. I was wary enrolling her there not

knowing quite how to explain the anxiety and not wanting to

stigmatize my daughter in case they were prejudiced that way (and I

was confused myself because it was undiagnosed at that time). But I

just met with her teachers (3 full time teachers-did not meet with

the PE or Spanish teacher) explained some of her behaviors, and told

them what they might expect (I actually expected/feared some sort of

major breakdown-but didn't express this). At first I was afraid

they'd blame me for preparing her poorly if she had trouble. But they

got to know and appreciate my daughter-she is talented in art, for

example, and very well read/knowledgeable about many things in an

almost adult way. They were understanding when she missed an entire

week of school associated with our move across town. They were

eventually lenient with late assignments, with her missing school

etc. She still got good grades as a result, because her effort and

knowledge was apparent, even if she was late due to

anxiety/perfectionism. They are into discipline and hard work but

certainly open to distinguishing between disobedience/laziness and

anxiety. They require the use of a planner, but often my daughter did

not get her assignments written in the planner because she would be

overwhelmed with the noise and activity at the end of class when the

teachers were giving homework, and fail to write it dowm properly or

at all, then she would be afraid to call a class mate for the

assignment. I explained this to the home room teacher and she tried

to have more quite in the class room at the end of class when she was

giving the homework and long term assignments. I also had to force my

daughter to call classmates. Overall my experience (it is a very

small parish school) has been better than I expected due in part to

the ready access I have to the school (I am there alot overseeing

students at lunch and recess and bring my other homeschooled kids

along),to the teachers, and to the very few administrators

(principle, and vice principle, and counselor who all also teach). I

find the smallness to be an advantage-much less bureacracy. I think

the teachers have the time to see kids as individuals (though the

classrooms are large 30+ students). Perhaps there is more structure

than in a large public school. Also they were not critical of

homeschooling as I feared, and it helps that the environment is

controlled to encourage respect, and to prevent teasing, rudeness,

bad language, overly sexualized dressing or language innuendo, drugs,

cliques etc. There are no locker rooms (no locker room banter-teasing

etc) no hanging out in bathrooms (so no place for smoking and drugs),

no smoking behind the school (it is on church grounds) no " hazing " of

new kids, no stealing, etc (all things that went on in my schools).

Although it is a Catholic school and they have daily prayers, weekly

mass and times for confession (which I think can be therapeutic as

well) I would not be afraid of scrupulosity necessarily becoming an

issue for ocders because ocd is as unique as the individual and if

scrupulosity becomes their issue it can just as well occur outside a

religious environment, as it does with moral scrupulosity. In my

daughter's case, I am sure the environment, unfortunately,

contributed in part to her BDD behaviors (b/c of the strong emphasis

on appearance among middle schoolers-I am glad they wear uniforms -

but shoes, hair and accessories become all important as a result).

But if she had remained home I can't say she would not have had the

same concerns, or that she would have developed other equally serious

concerns, for example at home her tendency was to avoid any

socializing and to isolate herself and to blame it on homeschooling.

Now I have to decide what to do for highschool because this school

ends at 8th grade. There is a parent run Catholic private school that

goes through highschool, it is quite a distance, but I am thinking of

enrolling all my kids and working at the school myself during school

hours, they would likely allow me to have my preschooler with me. I

think they feel called to be accomodating to some kid's special needs

out of religious charity, even though it might be hard to accomodate

if it was whole school full of such kids. I think private school can

be accomodating due to the size and less bureacracy, and parent

involvement, and also because of shared values-which creates a

connection rather than a parent vs teacher scenario. But, if they are

real tied up in standards, competition, grade point average etc, they

might not want students with difficulties. This is really not very

charitable or in keeping ith religious values IMO, so I think a truly

religious school would be charitable before they'd be " success at all

costs " oriented. I think a parent can work with teachers who share

their values in this way, and who put the students' well-being ahead

of the school's standards. Usually, they would not have the budget

for tutors, special ed classrooms, school nurses and psychologists,

or any special equipment (say for example a student who could more

easily do assignments on a keyboard)) so this would be something to

consider. I guess it is a matter of choosing what is best for the

individual child no matter what schooling you decide upon.

Grace

becuae cathcart@q...> wrote:

> I have just signed on to OCD and Parenting. My husband Greg

and I attended the OC Foundation Conference in Denver the weekend

before last. We also took our 14 year old, Grant. It was great

seeing him socialize with the other teens, especially since he has

had such a terrible time finding friends in our neighborhood. Santa

Fe is a rough town for school. It is predominantly a retiree haven

and unfortunately the schools suffer for it. Grant went to a

montessori school our first year here, which was a great social

experience, but not much else. They cancelled the middle school the

next year. We then switched him to public school for 8th grade but

by Dec. last year we finally pulled him out of what by then was the

second middle school of the year. We was getting abused by students,

neglected by teachers, and abandoned by administrators, all despite

the fact that he was under an IEP. It was terrible. If I had had

more time I'm sure I would have taken them to court.

> We tried to homeschool the rest of the year but admittedly

didn't get far. My husband travels and I am a full-time physician.

He also feels very lonely at home and wants to go back. We have

looked at private schools but they admittedly aren't very excited

about having to make the accommodations that will be necessary for

Grant. We also found it rather disheartening that not a single

parent we met at the conference has their child in private school

(everyone either fights the local school district, or homeschools).

> So it looks like we are back to public school again this year.

We are actually going to have Grant repeat the 8th grade, hoping that

the extra year of maturity will do him some good. I took a lot of

notes in the talk on " Getting your local school to listen " and have a

3 inch thick notebook of Grant's entire educational history. I hope

I can be a better advocate for him this year.

> Any words of advise, encouragement, warning!

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi and welcome!

This is a great support group with lots of varying experiences,

opinions, OCD+ behaviors, medications, etc. I'm still new to OCD in

that my 12 y/o son (1 of 3) was diagnosed with it last fall, just

after starting 6th grade (all the behaviors really hit then!).

Sorry you're having school problems too! What kind of

accommodations does Grant need at school? I know that last year for

us there were 2 main teachers; one worked with us better than the

other one in some ways but I could see where some subjects are just

faster-paced than others. Hope this year in 7th grade goes better!!

My son has a 504 plan instead of an IEP. I'm going to have

to get a copy of it (lost it somewhere) to see what's actually

written in it! When we did it in 6th grade, a lot of it was verbal

talk/agreements between the teachers and myself and not actually

written into the plan. So I need to see about it for school in 7th

grade (starting here Aug 8). But needs things like: allowed

to turn in work late, allowed to bring home classwork, extra time on

tests if needed, an OK for ME to write his work at home when he's

unable to, teacher notes, etc., etc. Does Grant need anything like

this?

OCD has made him where he's unable to or can't write some days; can't

read (not great for the required reading program!) some days; there

were times he couldn't even look at his math book last year as he was

afraid he'd get " stuck " on something on the page and not be able to

get " unstuck " - anyway, it was a TOUGH year. A lot of nights we

could NOT finish it all. Grades went down a lot! Luckily he

does/did well on state tests so they can see he's capable. And he's

got a great memory for things said in class.

If you don't want to go through the court system, could you not call

the school's administrative office about noncompliance with the IEP?

Or the state office would be better!

Keep us posted on how everything goes!

P.S. We found out the kids' teachers today. One of them my older

son had in 7th. She was one I did NOT like but hopefully it'll be

better the 2nd time around. But I'm not sure if she's one that will

work with us well. Since I previously told the " school " to choose

's teachers that would work best with him, she'd BETTER!!

> I have just signed on to OCD and Parenting. My husband Greg

and I attended the OC Foundation Conference in Denver the weekend

before last. We also took our 14 year old, Grant. It was great

seeing him socialize with the other teens, especially since he has

had such a terrible time finding friends in our neighborhood. Santa

Fe is a rough town for school. It is predominantly a retiree haven

and unfortunately the schools suffer for it. Grant went to a

montessori school our first year here, which was a great social

experience, but not much else. They cancelled the middle school the

next year. We then switched him to public school for 8th grade but

by Dec. last year we finally pulled him out of what by then was the

second middle school of the year. We was getting abused by students,

neglected by teachers, and abandoned by administrators, all despite

the fact that he was under an IEP. It was terrible. If I had had

more time I'm sure I would have taken them to court.

> We tried to homeschool the rest of the year but admittedly

didn't get far. My husband travels and I am a full-time physician.

He also feels very lonely at home and wants to go back. We have

looked at private schools but they admittedly aren't very excited

about having to make the accommodations that will be necessary for

Grant. We also found it rather disheartening that not a single

parent we met at the conference has their child in private school

(everyone either fights the local school district, or homeschools).

> So it looks like we are back to public school again this year.

We are actually going to have Grant repeat the 8th grade, hoping that

the extra year of maturity will do him some good. I took a lot of

notes in the talk on " Getting your local school to listen " and have a

3 inch thick notebook of Grant's entire educational history. I hope

I can be a better advocate for him this year.

> Any words of advise, encouragement, warning!

>

>

[Guest guest]

> In a message dated 8/6/01 2:52:09 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

> nmlinnen@y... writes:

>

>

> > I think private school can

> > be accomodating due to the size and less bureacracy, and parent

> > involvement, and also because of shared values-which creates a

> > connection rather than a parent vs teacher scenario. ***But, if

they are

> > real tied up in standards, competition, grade point average etc,

they

> > might not want students with difficulties. *** This is really not

very

> > charitable or in keeping ith religious values IMO, so I think a

truly

> > religious school would be charitable before they'd be " success at

all

> > costs " oriented.

>

> This was my experience. The private school I attended - (and it

hasn't

> improved since I was a child-- my nephews attend the same school)

is overly

> concerned with standards, COMPETITION, grade point average AND

extreme

> DISCIPLINE. My sister pulled both of her sons out after 2 years

because

> they were so miserable.

> If only there were more private schools with a focus on CHARITY,

> Grace.... If so, I'd be more open to the idea.

> Joni

Point well taken, Joni. I might also point out that it can be the

other parents, not just the staff, who don't want their fast track

kids to have to be " pulled down " by the needs of special students.

I think it is lots of parental input and involvement (parents are

respected) and emphasis on faith first that makes this school work

for us so far. Some charter schools operate similarly, as well (not

religious, but small and with strong parental involvement).

Grace

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. We have tried

twice to homeschool our son, once with my husband as the stay-at-home parent

(he's not organized enough), and once with us both working and Grant working

by himself at home. He was admittedly lonely, and unfortunately it left him

more time to obsess on things. But the public schools in our town are

terrible. There is a private catholic school walking distance from us, but

I thought they would be the least accommodating for a child with OCD. That

is at least the opinion of parents we have talked to about it. Unlike your

situation it is a very large school, and maybe the small family atmosphere

of your school is what we are missing here.

Re: Hello everyone

> Hi and welcome,

> My daughter entered private school for 7th grade last year. She had

> previously been homeschooled. She was not diagnosed with ocd at the

> time (nor is she now, though we have started seeing a therapist). I

> believe she has BDD and social anxiety which can be hard to separate

> from normal teen concerns, and so the reluctance of the therapist to

> give a diagnosis yet. But clearly it is severe at times, because she

> spends hours grooming during bad " spells " (which has developed into

> trichotillomania with her eyebrows) and won't be seen outside the

> house, or even her room at times. She also has panic attacks that

> come on when she is too overwhelmed with school concerns. Testing,

> esp math, is very hard for her. I was wary enrolling her there not

> knowing quite how to explain the anxiety and not wanting to

> stigmatize my daughter in case they were prejudiced that way (and I

> was confused myself because it was undiagnosed at that time). But I

> just met with her teachers (3 full time teachers-did not meet with

> the PE or Spanish teacher) explained some of her behaviors, and told

> them what they might expect (I actually expected/feared some sort of

> major breakdown-but didn't express this). At first I was afraid

> they'd blame me for preparing her poorly if she had trouble. But they

> got to know and appreciate my daughter-she is talented in art, for

> example, and very well read/knowledgeable about many things in an

> almost adult way. They were understanding when she missed an entire

> week of school associated with our move across town. They were

> eventually lenient with late assignments, with her missing school

> etc. She still got good grades as a result, because her effort and

> knowledge was apparent, even if she was late due to

> anxiety/perfectionism. They are into discipline and hard work but

> certainly open to distinguishing between disobedience/laziness and

> anxiety. They require the use of a planner, but often my daughter did

> not get her assignments written in the planner because she would be

> overwhelmed with the noise and activity at the end of class when the

> teachers were giving homework, and fail to write it dowm properly or

> at all, then she would be afraid to call a class mate for the

> assignment. I explained this to the home room teacher and she tried

> to have more quite in the class room at the end of class when she was

> giving the homework and long term assignments. I also had to force my

> daughter to call classmates. Overall my experience (it is a very

> small parish school) has been better than I expected due in part to

> the ready access I have to the school (I am there alot overseeing

> students at lunch and recess and bring my other homeschooled kids

> along),to the teachers, and to the very few administrators

> (principle, and vice principle, and counselor who all also teach). I

> find the smallness to be an advantage-much less bureacracy. I think

> the teachers have the time to see kids as individuals (though the

> classrooms are large 30+ students). Perhaps there is more structure

> than in a large public school. Also they were not critical of

> homeschooling as I feared, and it helps that the environment is

> controlled to encourage respect, and to prevent teasing, rudeness,

> bad language, overly sexualized dressing or language innuendo, drugs,

> cliques etc. There are no locker rooms (no locker room banter-teasing

> etc) no hanging out in bathrooms (so no place for smoking and drugs),

> no smoking behind the school (it is on church grounds) no " hazing " of

> new kids, no stealing, etc (all things that went on in my schools).

> Although it is a Catholic school and they have daily prayers, weekly

> mass and times for confession (which I think can be therapeutic as

> well) I would not be afraid of scrupulosity necessarily becoming an

> issue for ocders because ocd is as unique as the individual and if

> scrupulosity becomes their issue it can just as well occur outside a

> religious environment, as it does with moral scrupulosity. In my

> daughter's case, I am sure the environment, unfortunately,

> contributed in part to her BDD behaviors (b/c of the strong emphasis

> on appearance among middle schoolers-I am glad they wear uniforms -

> but shoes, hair and accessories become all important as a result).

> But if she had remained home I can't say she would not have had the

> same concerns, or that she would have developed other equally serious

> concerns, for example at home her tendency was to avoid any

> socializing and to isolate herself and to blame it on homeschooling.

> Now I have to decide what to do for highschool because this school

> ends at 8th grade. There is a parent run Catholic private school that

> goes through highschool, it is quite a distance, but I am thinking of

> enrolling all my kids and working at the school myself during school

> hours, they would likely allow me to have my preschooler with me. I

> think they feel called to be accomodating to some kid's special needs

> out of religious charity, even though it might be hard to accomodate

> if it was whole school full of such kids. I think private school can

> be accomodating due to the size and less bureacracy, and parent

> involvement, and also because of shared values-which creates a

> connection rather than a parent vs teacher scenario. But, if they are

> real tied up in standards, competition, grade point average etc, they

> might not want students with difficulties. This is really not very

> charitable or in keeping ith religious values IMO, so I think a truly

> religious school would be charitable before they'd be " success at all

> costs " oriented. I think a parent can work with teachers who share

> their values in this way, and who put the students' well-being ahead

> of the school's standards. Usually, they would not have the budget

> for tutors, special ed classrooms, school nurses and psychologists,

> or any special equipment (say for example a student who could more

> easily do assignments on a keyboard)) so this would be something to

> consider. I guess it is a matter of choosing what is best for the

> individual child no matter what schooling you decide upon.

> Grace

>

>

>

> becuae cathcart@q...> wrote:

> > I have just signed on to OCD and Parenting. My husband Greg

> and I attended the OC Foundation Conference in Denver the weekend

> before last. We also took our 14 year old, Grant. It was great

> seeing him socialize with the other teens, especially since he has

> had such a terrible time finding friends in our neighborhood. Santa

> Fe is a rough town for school. It is predominantly a retiree haven

> and unfortunately the schools suffer for it. Grant went to a

> montessori school our first year here, which was a great social

> experience, but not much else. They cancelled the middle school the

> next year. We then switched him to public school for 8th grade but

> by Dec. last year we finally pulled him out of what by then was the

> second middle school of the year. We was getting abused by students,

> neglected by teachers, and abandoned by administrators, all despite

> the fact that he was under an IEP. It was terrible. If I had had

> more time I'm sure I would have taken them to court.

> > We tried to homeschool the rest of the year but admittedly

> didn't get far. My husband travels and I am a full-time physician.

> He also feels very lonely at home and wants to go back. We have

> looked at private schools but they admittedly aren't very excited

> about having to make the accommodations that will be necessary for

> Grant. We also found it rather disheartening that not a single

> parent we met at the conference has their child in private school

> (everyone either fights the local school district, or homeschools).

> > So it looks like we are back to public school again this year.

> We are actually going to have Grant repeat the 8th grade, hoping that

> the extra year of maturity will do him some good. I took a lot of

> notes in the talk on " Getting your local school to listen " and have a

> 3 inch thick notebook of Grant's entire educational history. I hope

> I can be a better advocate for him this year.

> > Any words of advise, encouragement, warning!

> >

> >

>

>

>

> You may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing listserv@... . In

the body of your message write: subscribe OCD-L your name. You may

subscribe to the Parents of Adults with OCD List at

parentsofadultswithOCD-subscribe . You may subscribe to

the OCD and Homeschooling List at

ocdandhomeschooling-subscribe . You may change your

subscription format or access the files, bookmarks, and archives for our

list at . Our list advisors

are Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., and Dan Geller, M.D.

Our list moderators are Birkhan, Kathy Hammes, Jule Monnens, Gail

Pesses, Kathy , and Jackie Stout. Subscription issues or

suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at

lharkins@... .

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Grant needs similar accommodations to your son's. He has problems

reading " novels " though he can sit down are read, and recite, an

encyclopedia. He has to read and reread paragraphs which takes him a long

time. He also takes a long time to get through long term projects because of

extreme perfectionism. The teachers said they didn't have time to make sure

he wrote assignments down correctly, and with so many kids in school with

behavior problems, I can see why. It was only partly because of the

teachers that we pulled him out last year. It was mostly because of the

other kids in school. Grant's repeated questioning in class left him open

to a lot of ridicule and abuse from his peers. From talking with other

parents in Santa Fe, all the public middle and high schools are pretty

tough, and potentially lethal for sensitive kids that don't have the social

awareness to protect themselves. The private schools are either

high-powered academic places, or expensive babysitting.

So what are we going to do? Well, we have our house on the market and

are hoping to get moved SOMEWHERE by the time the school year starts. When

we do get our house sold I am going to leave my medical practice and stay

home full-time with my son to be his one-on-one coach and school advocate,

and help get him through these next 5 years.

Re: Hello everyone

>

> Hi and welcome!

> This is a great support group with lots of varying experiences,

> opinions, OCD+ behaviors, medications, etc. I'm still new to OCD in

> that my 12 y/o son (1 of 3) was diagnosed with it last fall, just

> after starting 6th grade (all the behaviors really hit then!).

>

> Sorry you're having school problems too! What kind of

> accommodations does Grant need at school? I know that last year for

> us there were 2 main teachers; one worked with us better than the

> other one in some ways but I could see where some subjects are just

> faster-paced than others. Hope this year in 7th grade goes better!!

> My son has a 504 plan instead of an IEP. I'm going to have

> to get a copy of it (lost it somewhere) to see what's actually

> written in it! When we did it in 6th grade, a lot of it was verbal

> talk/agreements between the teachers and myself and not actually

> written into the plan. So I need to see about it for school in 7th

> grade (starting here Aug 8). But needs things like: allowed

> to turn in work late, allowed to bring home classwork, extra time on

> tests if needed, an OK for ME to write his work at home when he's

> unable to, teacher notes, etc., etc. Does Grant need anything like

> this?

>

> OCD has made him where he's unable to or can't write some days; can't

> read (not great for the required reading program!) some days; there

> were times he couldn't even look at his math book last year as he was

> afraid he'd get " stuck " on something on the page and not be able to

> get " unstuck " - anyway, it was a TOUGH year. A lot of nights we

> could NOT finish it all. Grades went down a lot! Luckily he

> does/did well on state tests so they can see he's capable. And he's

> got a great memory for things said in class.

>

> If you don't want to go through the court system, could you not call

> the school's administrative office about noncompliance with the IEP?

> Or the state office would be better!

>

> Keep us posted on how everything goes!

>

>

>

> P.S. We found out the kids' teachers today. One of them my older

> son had in 7th. She was one I did NOT like but hopefully it'll be

> better the 2nd time around. But I'm not sure if she's one that will

> work with us well. Since I previously told the " school " to choose

> 's teachers that would work best with him, she'd BETTER!!

>

>

>

>

>

>

> > I have just signed on to OCD and Parenting. My husband Greg

> and I attended the OC Foundation Conference in Denver the weekend

> before last. We also took our 14 year old, Grant. It was great

> seeing him socialize with the other teens, especially since he has

> had such a terrible time finding friends in our neighborhood. Santa

> Fe is a rough town for school. It is predominantly a retiree haven

> and unfortunately the schools suffer for it. Grant went to a

> montessori school our first year here, which was a great social

> experience, but not much else. They cancelled the middle school the

> next year. We then switched him to public school for 8th grade but

> by Dec. last year we finally pulled him out of what by then was the

> second middle school of the year. We was getting abused by students,

> neglected by teachers, and abandoned by administrators, all despite

> the fact that he was under an IEP. It was terrible. If I had had

> more time I'm sure I would have taken them to court.

> > We tried to homeschool the rest of the year but admittedly

> didn't get far. My husband travels and I am a full-time physician.

> He also feels very lonely at home and wants to go back. We have

> looked at private schools but they admittedly aren't very excited

> about having to make the accommodations that will be necessary for

> Grant. We also found it rather disheartening that not a single

> parent we met at the conference has their child in private school

> (everyone either fights the local school district, or homeschools).

> > So it looks like we are back to public school again this year.

> We are actually going to have Grant repeat the 8th grade, hoping that

> the extra year of maturity will do him some good. I took a lot of

> notes in the talk on " Getting your local school to listen " and have a

> 3 inch thick notebook of Grant's entire educational history. I hope

> I can be a better advocate for him this year.

> > Any words of advise, encouragement, warning!

> >

> >

>

>

>

> You may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing listserv@... . In

the body of your message write: subscribe OCD-L your name. You may

subscribe to the Parents of Adults with OCD List at

parentsofadultswithOCD-subscribe . You may subscribe to

the OCD and Homeschooling List at

ocdandhomeschooling-subscribe . You may change your

subscription format or access the files, bookmarks, and archives for our

list at . Our list advisors

are Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., and Dan Geller, M.D.

Our list moderators are Birkhan, Kathy Hammes, Jule Monnens, Gail

Pesses, Kathy , and Jackie Stout. Subscription issues or

suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at

lharkins@... .

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

--

I'm originally from Albuquerque. I don't run into many New

Mexicans! I now live in Phoenix. I'm an attorney and stay home as

my child's personal therapist and advocate. It's a full time job!

is only 5--but things have gone pretty well in Phoenix so

far. She was in an integrated preschool and will be in Kindergarten

with an IEP including an aide and occupational therapy and

integration therapy twice a week. Where are you considering moving?

Somewhere else in New Mexico or in the southwest?

Stephany

[Guest guest]

Stephany,

So good to here from another professional who is in agreement that no

matter of success in a career is worth your child's future. You wouldn't

believe the comments I have gotten from some colleagues (Well, you know, at

some point you are just going to have to let your kids live their own

lives). I don't know if you are still able to practice as a stay-at-home

mom. Unfortunately that isn't an option for a physician.

As far as where we are moving, I'm not quite sure. Albuquerque would be

better than Santa Fe but my husband works for a company in Raleigh, NC and

is on the road 2-3 weeks out of the month. We could literally live

anywhere. We have talked about Phoenix because it would be close to family.

We have also talked about Colorado, because it is also close but also

because within the past 6 months the legislature in Colorado has passed a

resolution requiring insurance companies to cover OCD (and schitzophrenia)

under medical benefits, not psychiatric benefits. That is very appealing.

Lets keep in touch.

Re: Hello everyone

> --

> I'm originally from Albuquerque. I don't run into many New

> Mexicans! I now live in Phoenix. I'm an attorney and stay home as

> my child's personal therapist and advocate. It's a full time job!

> is only 5--but things have gone pretty well in Phoenix so

> far. She was in an integrated preschool and will be in Kindergarten

> with an IEP including an aide and occupational therapy and

> integration therapy twice a week. Where are you considering moving?

> Somewhere else in New Mexico or in the southwest?

>

> Stephany

>

>

>

> You may subscribe to the OCD-L by emailing listserv@... . In

the body of your message write: subscribe OCD-L your name. You may

subscribe to the Parents of Adults with OCD List at

parentsofadultswithOCD-subscribe . You may subscribe to

the OCD and Homeschooling List at

ocdandhomeschooling-subscribe . You may change your

subscription format or access the files, bookmarks, and archives for our

list at . Our list advisors

are Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., Aureen Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., and Dan Geller, M.D.

Our list moderators are Birkhan, Kathy Hammes, Jule Monnens, Gail

Pesses, Kathy , and Jackie Stout. Subscription issues or

suggestions may be addressed to Louis Harkins, list owner, at

lharkins@... .

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hope you are feeling better soon Helen!!!!!

~~You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world's happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged.--- Dale Carnegie

-----Original Message-----From: angelbear1129@... [mailto:angelbear1129@...]Sent: Tuesday, October 09, 2001 10:44 PM Subject: Hello EveryoneHello Everyone, I haven't forgotten you. I haven't been feeling very well and my computer and IMS is acting up. Am still trying to fix it. I am keeping my appointment tomorrow at the hospital for the pain management. They said I will be there for 4 - 6 hours, so I don't know if I will feel better when I get back or not. Have never went to this before. I will Try and answer some posts tomorrow if I can if not hopefully the next day. Bear with me my Friends, I do worry about you all. Just a little under the weather myself here lately... you will be my first post as I think that is where I left off, haven't forgotten ya...Hope all are doing as well as can be expected!!! {{{{{ Many Happy Hugs }}}}} Helen </center> HAPPY AUTUMN ENJOY THE COLORS ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~ The Being Sick CommunityMemorial Pagehttp://www.dreamwater.net/lovingmemory/Message Archives and Digest Attachment Pictures:-/messagesChat:- Scheduled Daily Chats at # on IRC DALnet./files/chat.htmBookmarks:-Add a website URL you have found useful./linksPersonal Complaints or problems:-Please contact a moderator email: -owner Subscription Details:-1) Individual email - means that every email sent to the list you receive.2) Daily Digest - sends you 25 messages in one single email for you to browse. This is an excellent option if you receive alot of email.3) Web only/No mail - means that you can pop into eGroups at your convenience and receive no email.To modify your subscription settings please visit:- /joinTo subscribe or unsubscribe please email:--subscribe -unsubscribe ~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~Hold on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what you believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what you must do even, if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your life, even if it's easier to let go." - Pueblo Prayer~~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~ *** ~~~~

[Guest guest]

Helen, Hope you start feeling better really soon. It is the pits when your putor is down and internet. It has happened to us several times and man talk about being loss. April loved her birthdy cards you sent her. Thanks very much. She thinks you are a very nice person. Marsha

[Guest guest]

Take care, Helen.... All the best for you appt! Keep

us updated, ok, but don't rush... just post when you

feel like it.

{{{{{Pain free hugs}}}}}}

Ling

--- angelbear1129@... wrote: > Hello Everyone,

> I haven't forgotten you. I haven't been feeling

> very well and my computer

> and IMS is acting up. Am still trying to fix it. I

> am keeping my

> appointment tomorrow at the hospital for the pain

> management. They said I

> will be there for 4 - 6 hours, so I don't know if I

> will feel better when I

> get back or not. Have never went to this before. I

> will Try and answer some

> posts tomorrow if I can if not hopefully the next

> day. Bear with me my

> Friends, I do worry about you all. Just a little

> under the weather myself

> here lately... you will be my first post as I

> think that is where I left

> off, haven't forgotten ya...Hope all are doing as

> well as can be expected!!!

> {{{{{ Many Happy Hugs }}}}}

____________________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Thanks !!! How are you doing lately??? No more bad luck???

{{{ Angel Hugs }}}

Helen

Hope you are feeling better soon Helen!!!!!

HAPPY AUTUMN

ENJOY THE COLORS

[Guest guest]

Thanks Ling!!! I made one post for the entire group... How are you doing??? Cold all gone??? Is it getting winter there or summer??? We are getting COLD here!!! Take Care my Friend!!!

{{{ Many Special Hugs }}}

Helen

Take care, Helen.... All the best for you appt! Keep us updated, ok, but don't rush... just post when you feel like it.

{{{{{Pain free hugs}}}}}}

Ling

HAPPY AUTUMN

ENJOY THE COLORS

[Guest guest]

, i'm curious to know if you have a website yourself.

[Guest guest]

Welcome , since this is one of your specialties how

does one go about making a shower gel....

also looking for good body scrubs would appreciate

help had someone ask me about them today and I told

them I would get back to them....

Shower Gels,

Best Wishes

Vickie

MySons American Alpines (Michigan)

Natures Creations Goatmilk Soap

http://home.att.net/~mlusk/index.html

[Guest guest]

Hello !! Welcome. Pam

[Guest guest]

,

You are in luck. Kibby at www.fromnaturewithlove.com is located in the Bronx

(I believe) and has a great assortment of oils and supplies.

She is also great to deal with.

In addition, there is at www.stuffjulielikes.com in Massachusetts.

She is also great to deal with.

Good luck

lynn in valencia

lavender bluffs bath and body

" A little touch of heaven in your bath "

[Guest guest]

Welcome home Sweet Rashelle!!!!! We sure missed you!!!!! Now get some

much needed rest, kick your shoes off, put your feet up, do some

reflexology breaths, take long warm baths, and most of all continue doing

your LL breaths. Now who do I sound like?????? :-)

Love ya!!!!

Liz

----

On Sun, 5 May 2002 18:11:17 -0700 Rashelle Haines <rashelle@...>

writes:

Hi Everyone,

I finally arrived home late last night. I am so happy to be home. I am

hoping for a few moments to do some long over do self-nurturing. I have

been so grateful for my Life Lift breaths. I feel certain I would not

have had the energy to complete all we have done without it. I don't

think I have ever appreciated it more.

This trip was unbelievable. It was supposed to last two weeks and instead

lasted two months.

As all things we have to make the best of what is presented, so it turned

out to be good in many ways.

I am happy to say the house is finally cleaned out, listed with an agent

and ready to be sold. This is the house that you all see in the

background of the videos. It has a beautiful view of the Bay and the

lights of Sausalito at night (Northern California). I think someone

should be very happy there. I know I was.

I have missed all of you. I had very little time on line as I was

determined to stay focused on the task at hand.

I will now have to do catch up after being gone so long, but at least now

I have my wonderful big computer and my quick internet hookup so I it is

not such a trial just to get on line.

I have only had time to read a few of the messages on the lists so that

is something I hope to do soon. I hope I have not missed anything

monumental. I am certain you will all delight me with your messages once

I have time to read them. Your determination, dedication and enthusiasm

for your goals are always something I look forward to.

You have remained in my heart and on my mind the whole time I was gone.

Many times when I was working I would think of you and smile.

I feel certain you are all getting more and more beautiful each day.

I am so glad to be back.

Love to all of you,

Rashelle

[Guest guest]

Sally - hi, this is Ursula. Coincidental that you should write in just as I am

packing to go to ton. We're

going this weekend and hope to have a good time at Spaletto (sp) and going to

Patriot's point. Also we hope to go to

eat at the Boat House. I am from Macon Georgia and am one of two peer contacts

for Georgia.

Ursula Holleman

Macey's mom (7 yr. old with CVID, asthma, sinus disease, GERD, Sensory

Integration Disorder, Diabetes Insipidus, colonic

inertia)

http://maceyh.home.att.net

/

[Guest guest]

Hi Ms. Butterfly,

I recommend checking out the book. If you don't want to buy it,

check it out at your local library. The book outlines the whole

program - makes it easy for regular people like us to do a fitness

program.

The book has sample meal plans, an exercise plan to follow, and some

short stories about people who have done the program with success.

Also, take a look at the www.bodyforlife.com website. They actually

have film clips on how to do the exercises properly. If you have

never lifted weights before, it could be very helpful.

This board is also a really good source of information - recipes,

workouts, and inspiration. I hope you decide to take the BFL

challenge - set some goals, and reach for them!

Best of luck,

Red

[Guest guest]

Hi, and welcome to the board :0)

check out my post #136150 " my transformation will never come "

The info in there is also a good way to get started after you read

the book [reading the book will give you such motivation so you

should not skip that] but there has been others that have done the ww

program along with the BFL workout program with great success, I am

sure the individuals will reply to your post when they read it.

Good luck~

Joann

http://www.mrsbishwitskitchen.com