(Correction) Finding Nemo, Finding a Hero: Empowering and Inspiring Children with Special Needs

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Article Title:

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(Correction) Finding Nemo, Finding a Hero: Empowering and Inspiring Children

with Special Needs

Article Description:

====================

Coping with adversity lays the foundation for almost all true

greatness. Parents can encourage their special needs children to

become the heroes they are destined to be. Author Greene

uses the Disney movie 'Finding Nemo' to teach and inspire.

Additional Article Information:

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1150 Words; formatted to 65 Characters per Line

Distribution Date and Time: 2008-02-27 15:22:00

Written By: C. Greene

Copyright: 2008

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(Correction) Finding Nemo, Finding a Hero: Empowering and Inspiring Children

with Special Needs

Copyright © 2008 C. Greene

Parenting Children with Health Issues

http://www.parentingchildrenwithhealthissues.com

If you ask me whether I've seen a particular adult movie, my

response is likely to be " No. " But if you ask me about any kid

movie, I could tell you about the characters, plot, and punch-

line all in one breath. That's how it is when you live with young

children.

So, it shouldn't be too surprising when I tell you that it was in

the Disney movie " Finding Nemo " that I saw a great metaphor of

what it is like to live with kids with special needs. You see,

both of our children have cystic fibrosis so I know what it's

like. And, like the clown fish dad on Nemo (named Marlin) I have

journeyed from the place of over-protective and " worried about

everything " to " still worried about everything but handling it a

lot better. "

I suppose there is always room for improvement in most everything

in life, especially parenting. The problem with parenting is that

we may not realize how much improvement we really need until it's

too late (ie: our teenagers become hellions and we wonder what

happened). The problem with parenting kids with special needs is

that " too late " doesn't mean just a dented car or some

experimentation with booze or sex- it can mean the difference

between life and death. The stakes can be so very high…

The struggle to resist the powerful parental impulses to rescue,

hover and over-protect are played out in " Finding Nemo. " The

paradox is that it is in letting go of the intense need for

protection that actually gives a child the freedom to become a

hero and to unlock the greatness of spirit inherent within those

who have learned to cope well with hardship and suffering. Just

like Nemo!

We begin Nemo's story with a happy little fish couple embarking

one of life's greatest adventures- having children. Then,

tragically, the mommy fish and all eggs but one get eaten by a

bigger fish. Here, the real story begins with Nemo and his dad

" picking up the pieces " of the initial trauma. To make it all the

more poignant, Nemo is born with a deformed or " lucky " fin. So,

here we have initial trauma and physical disability- a perfect

recipe to create an over- protective, hovering parent who is

understandably oozing with concern for his son's welfare. He

limits, rescues, protects and controls Nemo; his expectations are

low for Nemo's ability (due to his disability); and he does not

trust Nemo. He is worried about every detail in Nemo's fishy

little life. In fact, Dad's life completely revolves around Nemo.

Sound familiar?

The first big event in Nemo's life is his decision to rebel

against his father's controlling, over-protective nature. No

surprise, there. Nemo has no choice but to exert his independence

in way that opposes his dad because he has never had the freedom

to make any decisions for himself. So, he defiantly touches a

boat just to prove to dad, friends, and himself that he can do

it. And, in doing so (if you haven't seen the movie), he gets

swept up by a scuba diver and appears destined to become a part

of a fish collection in a dental aquarium.

How many kids with special needs have no choice but to rebel

against parental authority by refusing to comply with medical

requirements? Children, just like adults, have a strong need for

control. Wise parents share the control by giving their children

lots of choices. For example, a parent might say, " Would you like

to do your breathing treatment before or after your homework? " or

" Will you be doing your insulin shot in five minutes or ten

minutes? " or " Do you plan to take your pills with juice or milk? "

A lifetime of small choices creates a savings account of shared

control that can be " cashed in " when it's time for the big

choices of life- like whether or not to live.

The movie now becomes the story of a parent struggling to let go,

learning to trust and accept and, as a result, the child becoming

more than either had ever dreamed possible. As Nemo starts to

make his own way around the aquarium, he gets stuck in a filter.

Immediately, the other fish around him leap to pull him out. But,

Gil, the seasoned old master, stops them and forces Nemo to

rescue himself. Nemo says (in panic), " Can you help me? " Gil

responds calmly, " No, You got yourself in there, you can get

yourself out. " No rescue, no over-protection. Gil gives Nemo

ideas about how to get out, encouragement and high expectations

and Nemo gets unstuck all by himself. Now, Nemo is proud of

himself. His self image soars; he can do it!

Effective parents do not hover, rescue and over-protect

(Helicopter Parents). They don't demand or command (Drill

Sergeant Parents). Instead, they are Consultant Parents.

Consultant parents guide their children to solve their own

problems by giving loving support rather than answers and quick

fixes. They share the control and decision-making. They express

sadness and sorrow instead of anger, frustration or worry when

children make mistakes. They set appropriately high expectations.

They allow empathy before consequences to do the teaching for

misbehavior rather than punishment. They ask good questions

instead of give lectures and criticism. They use encouragement-

not praise. Consultant parents teach their children how to think

instead of what to think. They give their children the foundation

and skills to become the heroes they are destined to be. Just

like Nemo!

The climax of the movie brings us to the re-uniting of father and

son after Nemo finds his own way out of the aquarium and back

into the ocean. When first re-united, Dad immediately adopts his

old attitude of over-protection and control. However, Nemo's

compassionate spirit will not allow his father to stop him from

rescuing the many fish caught in a gil net which was about to be

brought to the surface of the water. Now, Nemo has the

opportunity to become a hero. His Dad has no choice but to let

him go and to trust. In doing so, Nemo is able to release the

hero that was bottled up inside by his father's control, over-

protection and rescue. By freeing that hero and courageously

rising to the occasion, Nemo changes the lives of those around

him.

I think that deep down inside the soul of every special needs

child is that same hero just bursting to come out. As parents, we

can encourage our children to become a hero: someone who faces

life courageously and joyfully in the face of adversity and

suffering. In doing this, we also become a hero- both to our

child and to others around us. In modeling this, we teach our

children how to release that hero inside themselves. It is not an

easy journey, but a worthwhile one. Just ask Nemo. And his Dad.

© 2008 by C. Greene

Permission to reprint is granted for personal use

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From the book " Parenting Children with Health Issues: Essential

Tools, Tips and Tactics for Raising Kids with Chronic Illness,

Medical Conditions and Other Special Needs” by Cline, M.D

and C. Greene. Dr. Cline is a well-known child psychiatrist,

author, and co-founder of the popular Love and Logic parenting

program. is the mother of two children with cystic fibrosis

and a certified parent coach. For free audio, articles and other

resources, visit http://www.parentingchildrenwithhealthissues.com