Do's And Don'ts Of A Great Relationship!

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Article Title:

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Do's And Don'ts Of A Great Relationship!

Article Description:

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The other day I asked a couple I had coached to consciously model

a great relationship for his younger brother and girlfriend. I

realize a lot of us never knew what a great relationship looked

like. We didn't know what to do and not do. We only had in our

minds relationships we saw at home, our friend's relationships,

those we saw on TV or in the movies, or read about in books. So

what does a great relationship look like? Read this article to

get a list of the do's and don'ts of a great relationship...

Additional Article Information:

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1296 Words; formatted to 65 Characters per Line

Distribution Date and Time: 2009-07-07 11:00:00

Written By: Carol Chanel

Copyright: 2009

Contact Email: mailto:carol.chanel@...

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Do's And Don'ts Of A Great Relationship!

Copyright © 2009 Carol Chanel

Certified Life Coach

http://www.carolchanel.com/

The other day I asked a couple I had coached to consciously model

a great relationship for his younger brother and girlfriend. I

realize a lot of us never knew what a great relationship looked

like. We didn't know what to do and not do. We only had in our

minds relationships we saw at home, our friend's relationships,

those we saw on TV or in the movies, or read about in books.

So what does a great relationship look like? What needs to be

present in order for it to be healthy, loving, joyful and

passionate? And what must NOT be present? What are the Do's and

the Don'ts?

Most people do at least two or three of these Don'ts. Which

Don't's do you do? Which one's are you willing to change for

the sake of a great relationship?

Don't:

* Whine, Pout or Act Pitiful to Get Your Way

* Attack, Blame, Demean, Belittle, Get Defensive or Hostile

* Refuse to Listen

* Become Remote or Cold

* Expect to be Entertained - instead get a hobby, read a book,

call friends

* Expect Them to Make You Happy - it's not up to them to behave

in a way to make you happy - that's your job

* Manipulate

* Expect Perfection

* Demand Attention

* Judge or Criticize

* Set Them Up to Fail

* Criticize the Person to Friends - this is a huge No-No

* Compare Them to Previous Partners

* Get Protective and Shut Down - that's ego stuff, you need

boundaries, not protection

* Cheat or Lie - including seemingly harmless email connections

So what works better in order to have a healthy, fun, loving and

joyful relationship? What do you need to do instead?

Do:

* Love them and yourself

* Listen and Be Supportive

* Cut them some slack

* Forgive

* Maintain your Sense of Humor

* Pitch in with Chores

* Make Time for Fun; take vacations - with and without kids

* Communicate Lovingly and Honestly about what you need and

want, what's working and not working

* Be Passionate

* Take Care of yourself Physically, Spiritually and Emotionally

* Respect them

* Have Healthy, Firm Boundaries

* Give them space to work things out on their own - if that's

what they want

* Treat them as the unique individual they are

* Spend Time with your Friends - without your partner

When you treat another person in those ways, you create a space

where the relationship has a chance to thrive and love can grow.

I'm going to expand on some of the Do's so you can have a

clearer picture. Also I'll include some valuable relationship

books in the Resource Section.

Communication

Both people need to communicate lovingly, honestly and clearly -

all the time. Think about what you're going to say and look to

see whether it's clear. So many people just speak without asking

specifically for what they need and want. Both people need to

listen to themselves and to their partner. I mean sit down, look

each other in the eye and talk about what's working and not

working.

Listen without getting defensive. No attacking or blaming

allowed.

Love

You need to feel like this is the most incredible person you've

ever met and are thrilled to be with them. Do your eyes light up

when you see them? Does your heart skip a beat? If you're

settling because you're scared you won't meet anyone else, do

them a favor and get out of the relationship. Then go work on

your self-esteem, but let them go be with someone that sees them

as their true love.

Support

You need to support each other - have each other's back and

believe in the other person. The line " For better or for worse "

in most marriage ceremonies was written for a reason. Our

partners are going to go through rough times in life. They might

not handle it with grace and ease. So be kind when your partner

has a hard time. Cut them some slack and see them being healthy,

happy and on top again.

Maintain A Sense of Humor

This is as important as all the others. It will see you through

so many difficult times and will help you put things in

perspective. Not having the new furniture for Thanksgiving is not

a reason for being angry. Your husband spilling red wine on the

white sofa isn't cause for World War III. (My personal

challenge! He's alive today thanks to Scotchguard and paper

towels!!) Your wife deciding she doesn't want to spend the

weekend with your in-laws isn't a reason to be cranky or pouty.

Take Care of Yourself

This is crucial for a healthy relationship. That might mean

spending time with your friends, getting a massage, taking a

weekend and getting away from your partner.

And you need to maintain your health and fitness. Don't think

that now that you are in a relationship that you can let yourself

go. If the man met you and fell in love with a woman who wore

clothes that showed her curves, lipstick, perfume, etc. he's

going to probably want you to maintain that. Guys if you were

fit, dressed nicely and opened the door for her - keep it up.

Respect

You have to respect the person or you will not have a partner for

long. If you talk down to the other person or talk negatively

about them to your friends, then you aren't respecting them. You

need to respect that they are different from you and they think

differently than you do. Also you need to respect how the other

person feels. So don't belittle them for feeling hurt or

sensitive when something happens.

Helping Each Other

I grew up in a home, and thankfully so did my husband, where the

men help with the household chores. My father always helped my

mother with the dishes, laundry, shopping, whatever needed to be

done. My husband does also. My father-in-law, husband and his

brothers all do the dishes if the women cook and vice versa.

It's called sharing chores.

Guys, the days of being waited on are over. Get up off your butts

and help out. And don't whine about it.

And Goddesses, you need to help out with whatever your man needs

help with - paying bills, getting receipts together for the

accountant, being organized. You know what he needs you to do to

make his life easier. Don't say to him, " we need to talk " the

minute he comes home from work. Give him a little time to

destress.

Not Their Job To Make You Happy

It is not your partners' job to make you happy!! That's your

responsibility.

Entertain Yourself

Get a hobby!

I'm always blown away when people tell me they don't have any

hobbies. If you don't then you will look to another person to

entertain you. That will drain them, they'll get fed up with you

and leave. Find something that interests you and develop it.

Have Fun and Take Vacations

You need to have dates and date nights. You need to do fun things

every week. Otherwise life becomes all about work and routine.

Vacations and getting away are crucial to maintaining a healthy,

passionate, joyful relationship.

Kids

If you're in a blended family, Dr. Phil says not to parent your

partner's kids. Just support your partner in their parenting

job.

Create A Winning Space

If you adhere to the list of do's and don'ts, you are creating

a joyful space where the relationship can thrive, each individual

will thrive and love can grow.

Be willing to work a little to have a loving, joyful and healthy

relationship. The results far outweigh the effort.

Choose to be positive. Choose to have a healthy, fun, loving

relationship. Choose to do a little work.

Imagine the possibilities...

© Carol C. Chanel

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Carol Chanel is a Certified Life Coach who works with people to

create new, meaningful and FUN lives. You can learn more about

how to create loving and healthy relationships, draw boundaries,

not take things personally, be happy to be who you are, and

make time for fun by going to her free ezine archive.

http://www.carolchanel.com/rockin_relationships.html