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Coming to you from a cabin in Michigan. Thought you would enjoy

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Marie

ARTICLE: FAMILY

Who's in your family?

It may be larger than you think.

My wife, , and I recently went to her annual " family

reunion. "

We showed a video there that we'd produced about several generations

of

family history using interviews and old photographs. We included a

story

about great-grandfather Rommie trying to drive his new Model T Ford

for the

first time. When it abruptly started forward and he couldn't

remember how

to stop it, he clung to the steering wheel yelling, " Whoa! Gee! Gee!

Haw! "

as if he was driving one of his mules. His oldest son jumped up on

the

car's running board and got it stopped.

The older members of 's family grew up together. As children,

her

father and his cousins spent their summers together working on family

members' farms. They love telling tales about the work, play and

shenanigans they shared. It makes some of them wistful when younger

members

of the family, who didn't grow up with their cousins and don't feel

the same

sense of kinship, don't put as high a priority on attending family

reunions.

This is probably an inevitable result of a mobile population, in

which

extended families can live great distances away and rarely see each

other.

The older members of my wife's family are close because they

understand one

another. They speak the same language. And they're always ready to

help

and support each other.

If you're lucky enough to be close to your extended kinfolk, that's

great.

But you don't have to be related to people to feel a sense of family.

Parents with children who have special needs such as Asperger

Syndrome or

autism can feel very alone. Especially if their extended family

lives far

away and may not recognize what they're dealing with on a daily

basis.

This is when contact with others dealing with similar situations can

be a

lifesaver.

Like the mother I know of who rescued another mother taking her

developmentally delayed autistic son to a " the Tank Engine "

exhibit

at a transportation museum. In the museum's gift shop, 11 year old,

150

pound flopped down on the floor and threw a tantrum in the

midst of

the other, mostly two and three year-old, fans.

Desperately trying to deal with the situation and purchase the

new " "

DVD her son had picked out, 's mom, Lynn, felt someone grab her

shoulder. She thought to herself, " If you say one word I'll...! " But

she

turned to find a woman who said, " Give me your stuff and give me

your money

and I'll pay for it. I'll meet you in the parking lot. I have a son

with

autism. "

Lynn managed, with a struggle, to get her son to her car. A short

while

later, the woman and her daughter appeared to deliver the DVD and

Lynn's

change. The rescuer gave Lynn a hug and said, " Sometimes this is all

we can

do. "

Then the daughter said, " You should have seen my mom. "

" What did she do? "

" The security guard was having a problem and said 'they shouldn't

let kids

like that in places like this.' And she looked him straight in the

eye and

said 'If you've got a typical child, you go home tonight and pray to

God you

never have to go through anything like this.' "

Lynn said it touched her deeply that someone else knew what she was

going

through.

Those of us with children on the autism spectrum are sometimes in

the best

position to give each other the help and support we need. We know

what it

feels like. We speak each other's language.

We're family.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Dan Coulter is the producer of the

videos, " Understanding

Brothers and Sisters with Asperger Syndrome " and " Understanding

Brothers and

Sisters on the Autism Spectrum. " You can read more articles on his

website:

www.coultervideo. com

Copyright 2008 Dan Coulter Used By Permission