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From: laurawald@...

notify-dg-ipaddunite

Subject: RE: Digest Number 986

Date: Tue, 9 Dec 2008 21:41:58 -0600

Hi Marie,

Sounds like you have been explaining things for a long, long time.

Instead of a long discourse to family members that you do not see

very often, and who really have no desire to listen or change much

anyway, as to why you do what you do for your son, to encourage his

autonomy and independence in your home, I would not even bother

explaining things anymore. As things come up, you could just as a

matter of fact mention what the accommodations are as they come up,

but it sounds like the fact that you have given explainations in the

past to deaf ears have done nothing more than make you angry in

anticipation of the holiday to come.

Then again, if you are game, you could have one last

family " intervention " and let the family know how their disinterest

makes you and your family feel. It " ramps " you up and kind of spoils

your holiday every time you have to " grin and bear it " . Your son

probably senses their irritation with him, and how it makes you feel

probably resonates with him at some level, too. I can understand how

you would not like that for each and every Christmas. No one would

like it.

Or, if you feel it will fall on deaf ears, you could just list it out

and pop it in the mail in advance of their arrival on your doorstep

so that they have a " heads up " on what to expect in your home for the

holiday. Any questions, contact you ahead of time.

You might also point out that we all have disabilities of some kind.

Do any of them use a cane, walker, wear bifocals? You can make the

same accomodations analogy for those adaptations.

Do they interact in any positive way with your son? Perhaps, you

could play up that part. Can one of them make breakfast with ,

so that the adaptation for making coffee is just part of the morning

routine? Maybe, could make coffee for them to show his

independence and pride in being included in a part of the holiday

meal preparations. Perhaps, if they interacted with him at that

level, it might make a dent.

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