Stop Stressing - Getting Away from Should

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Article Title:

Stop Stressing - Getting Away from Should

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People like to have a sense of purpose about things. We want

to know that we're doing the right thing, and that our

activities are going along according to " the plan. " In

short, we spend a lot of time either saying " I should... "

or asking ourselves " what should I... " Instead of getting

hung up on the " I shoulds " that keep tearing our

confidence down, let's look at the way we can harness the

power of " I want, " and " I will. "

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Distribution Date and Time: 2010-07-27 11:00:00

Written By: Larry Tobin

Copyright: 2010

Contact Email: mailto:larry.tobin@...

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Stop Stressing - Getting Away from Should

Copyright © 2010 Larry Tobin

Habit Changer

http://www.HabitChanger.com/

People like to have a sense of purpose about things. We want to

know that we're doing the right thing, and that our activities

are going along according to " the plan. " In short, we spend a

lot of time either saying " I should... " or asking ourselves

" what should I... "

The problem with this mindset is that it ends up being a prison

for the spirit rather than a pathway to success. When we say " I

should do x, " very often that x doesn't refer to something we

came up with. Instead, we're almost always referring to things

that other people have said we " should " be doing. We should be

walking every day, we should be eating this diet not that diet,

we should just relax and not take everything so seriously.

There's another common element to the usual " I shoulds " we

tend to burden ourselves with - they're horribly nonspecific.

They don't tell you why, leaving you to fill in the gaps

yourself. They're meaningless statements that don't fit into a

proper, healthy, holistic worldview that can let you benefit.

Almost every time we say " I should, " we follow it up with

" but. " Then we let ourselves dwell on the problems that get in

the way of our goal, and we lose the energy to deal with anything

as stress continues to build up and rob us of the good life.

Before long it's ingrained and habitual, and we can't see a way

out.

Instead of getting hung up on the " I shoulds " that keep tearing

our confidence down, let's look at the way we can harness the

power of " I want, " and " I will. "

Step One - Decide What YOU Want

As we said, many " I shoulds " come from thinking about the

desires and proclamations of people that aren't you. This is

what makes it so bad to adopt a should habit. The fact that they

aren't you is the biggest problem; your life and your problems

are unique, requiring their own perspective. What works for

someone else may not work for you, but the moment that you say,

" I should at least try, " you give the idea its own merit.

Instead, remember to sit down and inventory what you WANT out of

life. Remind yourself what stress has done to you, and what it's

taken from you. Remember why you want it gone, and why you chose

to try and remove its influence on you. Habits are built from

desires, whether conscious or unconscious. Choosing to go from

something that you want, something that pleases you, will make it

much easier to hold onto that habit in the future. This is

because it will be entirely yours, instead of a burden imposed by

someone else.

Step Two - Review Your Tasks

On some level, the instinct of " should " comes out of needing to

schedule our lives. We think we should get the car looked at

because we don't want it to break down and strand us on the

highway, for example. This is a pretty reasonable way of looking

at things, on the surface. Then again, if we have a good reason

for getting the car serviced, it isn't really a " should " so

much as a want. We WANT a car that works well, and gets us to

work. We're not doing it because someone said we should, but to

meet a need we have.

This week, go over the things that you have scheduled or intend

to take care of. Ask yourself why they're on the schedule- are

they there to keep up appearances, to please someone else, to

maintain status quo or put off conflict? These are " shoulds, "

and are probably taking up a lot of your energy through worrying.

If they're there because you want them to be, then they're not

a " should " and are alright.

Step Three - Act On Your Wants

In the end, everything we do because we " should " is just

putting off the problem. It builds up those bad habits that get

us stuck in a rut and let stress build up in our lives. We avoid

an argument one more day because we " should " be peacemakers.

Instead, take the initiative and break these bad habits by acting

on good desires.

A major part of building up good habits is clearing out old ones

so you have room. Every bad habit we have can be replaced with a

good one, given enough time and consistent effort. Instead of

avoiding a lingering conflict because you " should " keep the

peace, initiate a discussion about it because you WANT to feel

better and stop worrying.

Step Four - Be Gradual

As we've discussed before, major changes are hard to turn into

habits. Almost nobody changes immediately and overnight. It's

going to take the same steady, deliberate series of changes to

get from " should " to " want, " and there's no reason to feel

bad about that. Take small steps, beginning with you. When you

feel yourself saying, " I should take care of this... " ask

yourself why. Start things out by taking the time to just think

about why you feel a certain way. The very act of thinking on

things will give you a new sense of control and direction that

you may find surprising, and ultimately rewarding.

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Larry Tobin is the co-creator of

http://www.HabitChanger.com/ offering effective

and empowering solutions for stopping stress.

Try our 42-day program that will help you learn

proactive habits to beat stress and keep

you moving forward in the right direction.

http://www.habitchanger.com/stopstressing