Stop Stressing - Just Say No

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Stop Stressing - Just Say No

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As many people have commented at one time or another, we

could get so much more done if there were just more hours in

the day. So what's the problem? To be entirely fair without

being harsh, we are the problem. More accurately, it's our

inability to say no. If reducing stress is the goal, it's

time that we learn to use the power of a well phrased

'no.'

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973 Words; formatted to 65 Characters per Line

Distribution Date and Time: 2010-08-03 10:45:00

Written By: Larry Tobin

Copyright: 2010

Contact Email: mailto:larry.tobin@...

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Stop Stressing - Just Say No

Copyright © 2010 Larry Tobin

Habit Changer

http://www.HabitChanger.com/

As many people have commented at one time or another, we could

get so much more done if there were just more hours in the day.

Obligations pile up everywhere: duties at work, commitments to

social groups, quality time with the family and time out to spend

with friends… For whatever reason, there always seems to be some

kind of demand (or worse, a polite request) on our time. Yet this

wishing for more time in the day is missing the real point of the

problem, which is actually quite different.

What's the problem, then?

To be entirely fair without being harsh, we are the problem. More

accurately, it's our inability to say no. We accept new burdens

because we want to be helpful. We take on harder projects because

we think we can handle it if we just work it out properly. And we

acquiesce to little requests because, after all, they aren't

that big of a deal, are they?

Soon enough, we've said yes to so many things that there isn't

enough time to do all of them healthily. We end up cutting into

our sleeping, eating and recreational time to make room for all

of our big activities, and in the end we suffer for it. For some

reason, the idea of cutting out some of our excess commitments

doesn't seem to occur to us. However, if reducing stress really

is the goal, it's time that we learn to use the power of a well

phrased 'no.'

Making No a Habit

Step 1 - Start Thinking

Put an automatic moratorium on any request that doesn't give you

time to think about things. If it's anything larger than handing

a bit of paper to your coworker because they're out, ask for

five minutes to think about it. For bigger issues, ask for more

time to think things over, up to an entire day or even a week.

In many cases, the problem lies in accepting requests

automatically. Someone presents their case to you and sounds like

they genuinely need help, so you say 'well, alright,' and

automatically bend yourself to their need. Then they know they

can rely on you, so they come again, and you say yes again... and

you can see where this is leading.

If the request is genuinely important — but not an emergency — it

can allow for a bit of time that you can use to think things

over. Thinking about the problem might allow you to see a

different solution, or recommend someone who has less on his or

her plate, or even that you really can't say yes after all.

Sometimes the best 'no' is phrased as, 'not right now.' Make

it as automatic as saying yes was previously; no matter what they

ask, tell them you'll deal with it after you've had a chance to

think. This will help you build the habit as a strong, reliable

defense mechanism.

Step 2 - Stop Small

One of the easiest ways to get into trouble with time management

is in accepting small requests for your time automatically,

because they're so small. After all, they don't take up much

time and aren't asking a whole lot, so why not?

However, we've discussed how every behavior can become a habit.

If we begin saying yes to small requests on our time without

thinking about them, we train ourselves into a habit of doing so,

even when it might be advisable not to do it.

As an example of the impact a small request can have, consider a

day you have planned out. You get up, make breakfast, see the

family off to school and go to work. You have your day planned

out so you can leave work a few minutes early and go home, thus

beating the rush hour, when someone asks if you'll just real

quick run this one file upstairs, it won't take half a second.

Then you get caught in the rush, and you get home feeling

frazzled. Only a small inconvenience perhaps, but imagine what

will happen when you make it a habit, day in and day out?

Start finding ways to politely decline small requests, because

you don't want them to become a very big headache.

Step 3 - Start Committing

We all make plans. Plans are a good thing; they help us order our

lives and tasks so that we can spend less time doing what we

don't like and the most time doing what we love. It's when

these plans go awry that stress begins to make itself known, and

this is the very worst time to bend on our convictions.

We do have a right to stick to our plans. Yes, perhaps we

haven't seen our friends in a while and it wouldn't take that

long to have a fun night out, but maybe we really did just want

that nice quiet dinner at home with our favorite album playing

and the phone turned off. No one has an inarguable right to our

time, and just because someone asked is no reason to derail our

plans.

There's never any call to be rude, of course, but there is

plenty of call to be firm. If you've made plans and your first

gut reaction to any request to change them is, 'but I was going

to...' then politely say, ‘I'm sorry, but I have plans.’ Don't

feel you have to explain them. Often times doing so will invite

the interrupter to compare or dismiss them. Simply state you have

plans, and they can't be changed. Do not bend on it. Keep it up

for those first three weeks that are needed to build a good

starting habit. Soon enough, saying 'no' will become so easy

that the times you do say yes will be all the more meaningful.

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Larry Tobin is the co-creator of

http://www.HabitChanger.com/ offering effective

and empowering solutions for stopping stress.

Try our 42-day program that will help you learn

proactive habits to beat stress and keep

you moving forward in the right direction.

http://www.habitchanger.com/stopstressing