Stop Stressing - Don't Look Back

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Stop Stressing - Don't Look Back

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The past can be a problematic albatross to carry around.

We'll forget where we left our keys 20 minutes ago, but ask

us to remember an embarrassing moment from our childhood and

it will come to mind like a flash. For some reason, we seem

incredibly predisposed toward reminiscing over troubling

events. We replay and replay them in our minds until we

can't focus on anything else but feeling mortified and

wondering if we made the right decision. What's needed is a

system - a way of approaching the problem piece by piece and

addressing each part until we can settle it logically.

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859 Words; formatted to 65 Characters per Line

Distribution Date and Time: 2010-08-17 11:00:00

Written By: Larry Tobin

Copyright: 2010

Contact Email: mailto:larry.tobin@...

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Stop Stressing - Don't Look Back

Copyright © 2010 Larry Tobin

Habit Changer

http://www.HabitChanger.com/

The past can be a problematic albatross to carry around. We'll

forget where we left our keys 20 minutes ago, but ask us to

remember an embarrassing moment from our childhood and it will

come to mind like a flash. For some reason, we seem incredibly

predisposed toward reminiscing over troubling events. We replay

and replay them in our minds until we can't focus on anything

else but feeling mortified and wondering if we made the right

decision.

Simply trying not to think about the problem doesn't necessarily

help, either. Studies suggest that simply trying to ignore a

thought process doesn't work; in fact, it can lead to thinking

more about the very thing we're trying to forget. This builds

and builds, until we're so worried about the past that we can't

live in the present like we're meant to, and the stress of

things that aren't relevant anymore is still tearing us apart.

What's needed is a system - a way of approaching the problem

piece by piece and addressing each part until we can settle it

logically.

Step One - Interrupt the Thoughts

As we've discussed before, good habits can be built on other

good habits. They reinforce one another, each one making the

others stronger and more resilient. To that end, if you find

yourself endlessly replaying your bad conversations, interrupt

the cycle with the STOP method we've discussed before.

Say " Stop " aloud: This verbal affirmation serves as a trigger

for the habit and a reminder to yourself.

Take a Breath and a Breather: Give yourself a few seconds to

practice your deep breathing habit and get your body's physical

responses under control, then take five minutes to unwind and

explicitly focus on something uplifting and soothing.

Own Your Outcome: Remember to list several of the goals you've

set for yourself, as well as the next step you're going to take

to make them yours.

Praise Yourself: Go over what you've accomplished thus far,

including the most recent steps you've taken toward your goals.

Again, this will reinforce the strength of the STOP method

overall, allowing you to integrate it more fully into your

habit-building process. After thirty days of practice, it will

seem like second nature.

Step Two - Analyze the Thoughts

Remember that thinking things through logically helps defeat

illogical worries and unnecessary stresses. If we can

contextualize the problems we're dealing with, they can't do as

much damage and never seem quite as worrying as they did before

we thought them through.

Once you've used the STOP method, take a moment to go over your

thoughts thus far, piece by piece.

First, ask yourself why the event happened the way it did. Look

at the whole matter fairly and objectively. What reasons could

the other parties have had for reacting like they did? What are

some good reasons they might have had, and what are some bad

ones? Why did you react the way you did? What were your reasons,

good or bad?

Be fair in your assessment, both to yourself and the other party.

There's nothing to be gained from inaccurate, angry criticism.

To make this an approachable habit that's easy to integrate,

break it into small steps. First, think about the problem as a

whole, then list one good and bad reason for your actions and the

other parties' actions. Three easy steps make this a habit

that's simple to adopt.

Step Three - Make a Wish

Now that you've gotten the problem into context, consider ways

to use it as a learning experience. Given the benefit of time,

distance and perspective, what do you wish you had done instead?

Worrying about and regretting the choice you made is a good sign

that you might have made the wrong choice, so take some time to

consider it. Was there something you might have said that would

have made more sense? Would a calmer reaction have made the

situation better? Write down several wishes you have for how the

situation might have gone instead.

Also, consider another option. If one of your wishes can be

fulfilled now, do so! Even late, good actions are a great way to

make amends.

Step Four - Resolve to do Better

With the scope of the problem firmly in mind, and with your

wishes stated for how it might have gone instead, it's time to

take the next step. Very specifically, write down your biggest

regrets about the situation. Confront your worries realistically,

be they about the situation itself, about how you handled it or

about what's come about as a result of the encounter. Then make

a decision about each one.

If your problem was your tone, dedicate yourself to exercising

control of your voice the next time you have an argument. If your

regret lies in not listening, resolve to be more attentive to

what others have to say every time you speak to someone. Then

tear the paper up and set it aside. If the worries try to push

themselves back into your head, say " that was then, this is

now, " and find a way to act on one of your affirmative

resolutions.

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Larry Tobin is the co-creator of

http://www.HabitChanger.com/ offering effective

and empowering solutions for stopping stress.

Try our 42-day program that will help you learn

proactive habits to beat stress and keep

you moving forward in the right direction.

http://www.habitchanger.com/stopstressing