Stop Stressing - External Checks on Internal Perceptions

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Stop Stressing - External Checks on Internal Perceptions

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It's very easy to take our perception as reality. We see a

wall six feet away, we say it's six feet away. We feel hot,

we say it is hot. The problem is, perceptions are a matter

of perspective and information. This is one of the most

important stress management tools available in our toolkit.

Let's look at a healthy habit we can build to help combat

our internal perceptions with external information.

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Distribution Date and Time: 2010-08-31 10:00:00

Written By: Larry Tobin

Copyright: 2010

Contact Email: mailto:larry.tobin@...

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Stop Stressing - External Checks on Internal Perceptions

Copyright © 2010 Larry Tobin

Habit Changer

http://www.HabitChanger.com/

It's very easy to take our perception as reality. We see a wall

six feet away, we say it's six feet away. We feel hot, we say it

is hot. The problem is, perceptions are a matter of perspective

and information. Suppose someone who's usually cheerful at work

comes in and is much more curt than usual while greeting you. The

instinctive response is to wonder if they're mad at you for some

reason. But perhaps they simply have a headache, or a sore

throat, or have been dealing with crises ever since waking up. Or

maybe they were just distracted. Either way, having more

information improves the authenticity of our perceptions.

This is one of the most important stress management tools

available in our toolkit. We have a tendency to be our own worst

critics, particularly when we make mistakes. We do something

wrong, a minor problem arises and then everyone but us moves on.

We dwell on it and beat ourselves up, and make more trouble for

ourselves than is necessary - all while no one else likely

remembers it.

Therefore, let's look at a healthy habit we can build to help

combat our internal perceptions with external information.

Step One - Resolve the Problem

Taking care of whatever it was that triggered the event is always

a good first step. If you forgot to file something, file it the

moment you remember. If you inadvertently hurt someone, apologize

for the slight, and so on.

Getting the immediate meat of the problem dealt with can help

change the way we consider things. Yes, we made a mistake.

However, we also corrected that mistake promptly and took the

time to make things right. This is a powerful piece of ammunition

in battling internal misperceptions, so make a habit of

immediately solving what problems you can take care of.

Step Two - Think it Through

If your problems are still bothering you after you've taken care

of any immediate matters, it's time to think them through

critically. Ask yourself why you're worrying so much about them.

Ask yourself if anyone else has been bothered by it as long as

you have.

Part of this exercise includes a writing step. Take out two

cards. On the first card, write down the three categories that

are most bothering you. This could be anything, ranging from your

productivity at work, your friendliness and so forth. Then rate

these 1-5 on the first card, with 1 being negative, 3 being

neutral and 5 being positive. This will give you an idea of how

you feel about things in a relatively objective fashion.

Step Three - Gather Information

Remember when we asked you to find a support person in your

family or friends to help you with things? Take them the second,

blank, card and ask them to rate it without telling them your

ratings. Once you have the information, compare the notes and see

if there's a difference in the numbers. Usually, since we're

our own harshest critics, we'll find that we've rated ourselves

worse than our support person.

Step Four - Talk it Out

If there isn't much of a difference, it's time to talk. Ask

them for advice, or information on what the problem might be.

Sometimes an external word can offer you a perspective on solving

your problem that makes things simpler.

However, in most cases you'll find that you've rated yourself

much harder than your support partner. In this case, it is also

time to talk. Before you tell them how you feel, ask them if they

could tell you their reasons for their ratings about the matter.

Listen carefully, and use their words to silence your inner

critic. Let them know how you rated yourself and why. Then just

have a frank talk about things and see what advice they have to

offer, or whether just talking helps calm you down.

This is the part of the process that breaks the internal loop.

You suddenly have new information that changes what you have to

think about. As in the above example, just a little thought and a

little external input makes you see things that were always

there, but that may not have been as obvious before. This

conversation session is where some of the best results can be

had.

Step Five - Repeat and Adjust

Whenever you find yourself falling prey to that negative spiral

of self-critique, ask your support partner for a comparison

check. Use the card the first few times, and make sure to compare

how often and how much your opinion and your supporter's differ.

Later, you can do aside with this step and begin just having the

conversations, once you feel more comfortable.

As you keep repeating this step, you can see the trends in your

thinking and the trends in your partner's thinking. This will

allow you to make decisions about things, and be able to honestly

tell yourself that you're overreacting, and thinking about

things in a way that no one else does. This will let you quiet

those troublesome thoughts and bring your perceptions under

control.

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Larry Tobin is the co-creator of

http://www.HabitChanger.com/ offering effective

and empowering solutions for stopping stress.

Try our 42-day program that will help you learn

proactive habits to beat stress and keep

you moving forward in the right direction.

http://www.habitchanger.com/stopstressing