Dreams and Waking

[Guest guest]

Hi Friends,

Night before last, after taking a fair amount of mms that day, I

had " nightmare " type dreams,

Well, I think I need to talk about them. Jill and daddybob talked

about their dreams, so I'll do it here, don't know where else to.

First, (and this will tie in) -- the headline in my small to

medium-sized town yesterday was HOMELESS MAN DIES OVERNIGHT IN COLD

WEATHER or something like that. This man, Mark, " camped " at a spot

less than two blocks from my home, in the railroad yard. He was new

and not part of the homeless crowd that lives in and around the park.

The first time I saw him the weather was beautiful. He was friendly

and asked me for a blanket. I returned with some clothes and small

blankets, all I had, but it wasn't what he wanted. The next day I

took him lunch. This time he reacted with hostility and told me to go

away. I was so shocked I begged him to allow me to give him the food,

but he ignored me.

I felt defeated ... as though I hadn't handled the situation well. He

seemed to have an independent spirit, and I felt I my approach must

have been wrong. In any case, I stopped going by that location. Then,

just a few days ago, I did notice he was still there. The weather of

course had gotten cold.

The night after I took all the mms I felt so anxious, it was hard to

fall asleep. When I did, I had two series of terrifying dreams. In

the second I was sleeping on the ground. It started to rain and I got

up. Then I was waiting for a bus, but I didn't know to where, and

everything was dark. I was scared and alone and confused.

I knew it was a dream about death, but last evening I suddenly

realized I had the dream the night Mark died, and I think it was

about HIS death. Even thinking about it now makes me cry.

The other dream was about having my purse and wallet stolen in scary

circumstances. Two years almost to the day I DID have my purse and

wallet stolen under scary circumstances. It was during a time of much

stress, and it felt like the topper. It could well have been the

moment cancer started to grow. One year later, again almost to the

date, I was diagnosed.

I cut my mms way down yesterday but I still felt terrified when I

went to bed last night. I did a few things that helped ... I

revisioned the dreams in positive ways (Ie saw Mark get on the bus

and the bus go to the light) and then I revisioned the incident that

happened with my wallet and purse 2 years ago in a postiive way. This

technique is called " The healing shears of revision " and is by a

writer named Neville who says that by revisioning the past we change

the consequences. At least we change our emotions. Well it gave me

enough peace to get to sleep last night, but I'm " all shook up " this

morning. Actually I don't think it's morning anymore. I'm disoriented.

The mms for me doesn't seem to cause nausea/diarrhea, but a kind of

shaky feeling in my chest, a kind of " falling apart " feeling. A

" breathless " feeling. Maybe it's my heart ... I think that was it for

Daddybob.I don't see how I can increase enough to affect cancer. I

don't feel well today, but it's more a mental/psychological feeling

than a physical one. And I am tired after two nights of not sleeping

much or well. I wish I had a spiritual counselor to talk with today.

Usually I do pretty well with my own relationship to the divine, but

today I feel " fraught " .

I took only 6 drops in small doses over the course of the day

yesterday. I abhor the idea of taking more today, but that means it's

out of my system. I know I went too far too fast, but I was going on

the nausea diarrhea theory of taking too much. That doesn't seem to

work the same when taking smaller doses more often. I do feel a

little nausea NOW, a bit after the fact, but bowels have been find

all the way through.

Well, just had to tell someone, as they say.

Angel