Affects to Family n Friends

[Guest guest]

I though I would throw in my story here also.

I am on my 3rd husband, who happens to be my childhood sweetheart. I

have 3 stepsons but love them like my own.

I have managed to go thru the ringer and back when it comes to my

health and the ones around me. Like a dummy I let my childhood

sweetheart marry another woman when I was 18. I was still in high

school and extremely naive and innocent. I was raised in church (this

isnt a bad thing...) and was very rigid. I believed he had to be in

church and be just like me in order to share out lives. Dumb part

here is I was always in the nursery with babies and didnt even sit in

church with him. I was also led to believe this girl was pregnant (I

was still a virgin girl)and I believed if you did the crime you did

the time. Basically I felt it was his responsibility and he needed to

marry her and take care of this child. Turns out 14 yrs later I find

out I was mislead because she wasnt pregnant and I had just sat there

crying while watching my best friend marry another woman. What a

dummy I was but what's done is done and I ended up with 3 wonderful

stepsons.

I married my first husband when I was 23 yrs old. He was supposed to

be this great christian man. I learned a month later that I had

Neurocardiogenic Syncope as it went in full swing. I gained 40lbs in

only a month as I was bedridden and unable to even walk across the

room without passing out. This idiot of a man had been verbally

abusing me and it only got worse as time went on...He got into drugs,

alcohol, and sleezy women. It took me a very long time to deal with

the word " divorce " and the way I was treated in the church that I had

been going to since I was 2 yrs old. Sadly many people took his side

believing it couldnt be him and he oculdnt have done these things. He

was very manipulative and good at being one person in public and

another in private. I moved on after months of courts, lawyers,

harassment, and even stalking and death threats.

As I had gotten a pretty good handle on the passing out by this time

I was working, which I loved doing. However this company got rid of

me as soon as they could after getting a compound fracture in my toe

at a managers function in which I warned them I shouldnt be running

in that heat after they served alcohol. They said everyone must

participate and low and behold I ended up missing half of the retreat

and meetings due to going to ER at their request and then being

medicated. This is were I had to start making new life choices....to

bad they werent all smart choices. The good was I moved into my

grandmothers house to care for her because she had alzeimers. I got

to know her more in those 3 yrs than in my whole life. The bad was it

was my grandfathers death which lead me to caring for her and then

stupid husband #2. Like a dummy I went the opposite direction of my

first husband (or so I thought). He wasnt a christian by any means.

He became unemployed, no education, didnt know how to do anything,

and was a complete jerk to top it off. Here we are living in my

grandmothers house, he has no job, he spend money like it was growing

on trees, and I went back to work as the bread winner. I loved my job

so much and I loved the time away from my dead beat husband. This is

where I got injured and ended up disabled. I was hurt on the job, but

the doctors kept telling me it was just a muscle sprain and it would

take time to heal. So I got physical therapy and told I could go back

to work but at a different job that didnt require heavy lifting. I

left my happy photography job for a studio photography and management

job. I also loved this job because it did have less traveling and

less lifting. The bad just got worse though...my back kept getting

worse instead of better. It was causing me problems at home because I

couldnt work, cook, and clean the house for my lazy husband. Also I

started missing work because of pain. They wanted to get rid of me

and I was in so much pain I didnt fight it. I went back on disability

and immediately requested a 2nd opinion. It had been 6 months and I

wasnt getting any better. The good is I ended up with my wonderful

Dr. Park who believed me and searched and searched till he found the

problem and then tried everything available to try and fix it. I did

every therapy both conservative and invasive. I had surgical

procedures, injections, and every medication available. The sucky

part is now my home life and lazy husband led us to living with his

parents and me being treated like a good for nothing wife and drug

addict. I was verbally and emotionally abused, depressed, and in so

much pain I could barely get out of bed. This led to disaster!

Several days after having surgery and my jerk spouse being the jerk

that he was and not believing my pain was real. I was expected to

perform my " wifely duties " as he called it. One night I was very sick

from withdrawals...you know all the gross stuff like vomiting,

sweating, tremors, and all fluids coming from all parts of my body.

Needless to say I was a bit ill.....God only knows why but the man

was turned on and expected me to take care of his needs. I refused

over the course of several hours, which led to him taking what he

wanted and yes even though we were married " no means no " and they

call this rape....

That was it and I was done!!!

After this my sister wanted to get her first tattoo, so the photobug

that I am I went with her to document her first tattoo. As it turns

out the artist was my childhood sweetheart Mike. Yeah...now its all

good stuff (mostly). Funny part here is when I was a teenager I hated

tattoos and felt they were wrong and ruining the temple that God had

given you. In fact one of our fights as teens was him going to get a

tattoo even though he knew I would be mad and hate it. As the story

goes we talked, we reconnected, and now we are married. Doing Tattoos

was just a side job because he had a real good job, but just enjoyed

it and his ex was extremely materialistic and he was still supporting

3 boys. We have been back together for years and married for 2 1/2

of those years. Yes, I was injured before we got together and yes I

have even heard the comment of not understanding why its so much

worse now and how come I seemed more normal before. I call it amnesia

because I remember him being upset long before we were married and

there was no dinner, or the house not clean, and all I did was lay

around watching tv. However we work thru things and this helps alot.

He isnt mean or abusive, he doesnt make me do anything I dont want to

do and can read me like a book and knows when I am in pain. Of course

I am always in pain but he knows the signs of unbearable pain. My

boys are boys and they are kids but they try. When they know its bad

they take care of me as best as they know how. My whole family is

pretty much supportive and helpful. The only one I would really say

is ever a problem would be my brother in law. He lives with us and

works, so he thinks I should clean house etc. since I dont work and

am home all day. To bad and get over it...I am not his wife or maid.

Also my sister is very attention oriented and cant seem to let me

just be without trying to top my illnesses, injuries, or pain. I dont

get who in their right mind would want to be worse just to get

attention...but then again, shes in a crappy marriage and so very

unhappy.

As for friends...I withdrew from most of them over the years and

mostly feel as if I have nothing to talk about, who wants to hear

about pain? Also I feel that I have little to offer other people. I

quit doing so many things and I dont live an exciting life, so what

is left. I have very little patience these days and dont listen as

well as I used to...its painful to listen to them talk about jobs,

kids, and hobbies etc....when I have no career, no children of my

own, and dont participate in my own hobbies anymore.

Well, this is extremely long so I had better let you all go. If you

made it thru this kudos to you for so much patience!

Deanna