Re: pictures and sadness

[Guest guest]

You are not alone...

I've always hated taking pictures. Mainly because of

my bleph. Sometimes, the photo taker will say...hey

open your eyes wider for the picture! And I would

yell back at them...you stupid, I am! But think about

it, who out there likes getting their pictures taken?

well, if you're a model..that's a different story!

Take deep breaths and let's think about this. What is

normal? Is normal to have big, double layer eyes? Is

normal to be super skinny with big boobs and butt? Is

normal to have flawless skin and perfect white teeth?

" normal " is in they eye of the beholder! Beauty is in

the eye of the beholder. You have heard numerous

stories of these " normal " beuties out there with

eating problems or drug problems or criminal

problems...what makes them better than you?

We have bleph...so what? It didn't stop you from

having a boyfriend..who does see you as a beautfiul

person. Bleph will never be accpeted into today's

society's perception of beauty. Same as how obesity

is not accpeted. Or flat chested and flat butted and

terrible skin. You only feel out of place because no

one else around you has bleph. But think of it the

other way. The people around you have their own

anxieties and may think to themselves how out of place

they feel...you know? The people around you are just

as worried and self conscience about their looks just

like you. They are probably too busy thinking of their

own issues to even notice your eyes! :-)

You want to have children..go for it. I have bleph

and now my daughter has bleph. I passed on the damn

gene to her and I do worry about her future. She gets

stares and rude comments..just like I did when I was

young..and til this day, still get those stares. But

I don't care, because my daughter is so healthy and

beautiful. Why should bleph stop me from enriching my

life? Don't let bleph control your life. You are in

control.

I always mentioned that bleph is really nothing.

Compared to other disorders, this is nothing. Count

your blessing that this isn't life threatening. It's

only a cosmetic thing. We put too much emphasis on it

because of society's perception of beauty.

It's all about attitude. You start portraying

yourself as a beautiful person and others will follow

your lead. You start hating the world, and they will

hate you back. Bleph is nothing.

You will be ok. You will overcome this wave of

emotion. You do not have a deformity. The deformity

is what society thinks is beautiful. With my bleph, I

had a few boyfriends. All of which didn't think

anything wrong with my eyes. One guy even told me

that my eyes were so unique, they were attractive! So

did I have a terrible life?

What kid out there hasn't been teased? Kids are

cruel...that's because they don't know any better.

" Normal " kids will get teased for something. Rather it

be their big ears or ugly shoes...they will get

teased.

Enrich your life with a child. Do not be scared. I

wasn't scared when I was trying to get pregnant. I

knew that I would pass on the bleph, but it didn't

stop me. My daughter is beautiful and healthy. Don't

cheat yourself out of a child because of your personal

anxiety over your eyes. You are beautiful. The fact

that you are reaching out to a group of strangers

shows your inner strength and beauty.

So stop your crying. Hang that Christmas picture up

with pride. And hug/kiss your boyfriend for being

understanding.

Hope this put a smile on your face!

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

When I was younger I used to worry about my eyes but I also worried about my butt, my abs, the shape of my legs, my hair, etc., Now I am 34 and I look back and see a beautiful young woman!!! I wish I would have enjoyed my beauty more, appreciated it more. Now I try to appreciate ME because I know 10 years from now I will look at 2004 photos and say, wow I was pretty why didn't I realize it, or I wish I was still that skinny! This is the curse of many women. Min is right, so very right about everything she said.

Here is what I have learned after a few boyfriends and now my second husband. Choose someone who can appreciate your beauty and the person you are. I cuddle my baby daughter and rub lotion on her little body and I think, I hope everyone she ever loves appreciates her the way I do, the way she deserves to be appreciated. I remember when I decided to leave my first husband and I thought, my parents loved me so much and so well, they went through so much to give me a happy, good life and a good home. I am not going to waste that by spending my life in a situation I know is not good enough for me. And it was weird to be 29 and walking away from what other people thought was a good husband.

Having BPES probably gives you more courage than others, embrace it.

I think it's weird and creepy but lots of men have always approached me and said some cheesy thing about my "pretty eyes".

If you want a baby, have one, it's the greatest thing you'll ever experience. But have one with a partner who can really deal with the reality of BPES, it's hard having a baby that is "different". I am so glad I did not have Lily with my first husband, he would have loved her, but he wouldn't have dealt with it so well and the friends he liked to be with were shallow people.

Bethmin lin <minnielin202@...> wrote:

You are not alone...I've always hated taking pictures. Mainly because ofmy bleph. Sometimes, the photo taker will say...heyopen your eyes wider for the picture! And I wouldyell back at them...you stupid, I am! But think aboutit, who out there likes getting their pictures taken? well, if you're a model..that's a different story!Take deep breaths and let's think about this. What isnormal? Is normal to have big, double layer eyes? Isnormal to be super skinny with big boobs and butt? Isnormal to have flawless skin and perfect white teeth? "normal" is in they eye of the beholder! Beauty is inthe eye of the beholder. You have heard numerousstories of these "normal" beuties out there witheating problems or drug problems or criminalproblems...what makes them

better than you?We have bleph...so what? It didn't stop you fromhaving a boyfriend..who does see you as a beautfiulperson. Bleph will never be accpeted into today'ssociety's perception of beauty. Same as how obesityis not accpeted. Or flat chested and flat butted andterrible skin. You only feel out of place because noone else around you has bleph. But think of it theother way. The people around you have their ownanxieties and may think to themselves how out of placethey feel...you know? The people around you are justas worried and self conscience about their looks justlike you. They are probably too busy thinking of theirown issues to even notice your eyes! :-)You want to have children..go for it. I have blephand now my daughter has bleph. I passed on the damngene to her and I do worry about her future. She getsstares and rude comments..just

like I did when I wasyoung..and til this day, still get those stares. ButI don't care, because my daughter is so healthy andbeautiful. Why should bleph stop me from enriching mylife? Don't let bleph control your life. You are incontrol. I always mentioned that bleph is really nothing.Compared to other disorders, this is nothing. Countyour blessing that this isn't life threatening. It'sonly a cosmetic thing. We put too much emphasis on itbecause of society's perception of beauty. It's all about attitude. You start portrayingyourself as a beautiful person and others will followyour lead. You start hating the world, and they willhate you back. Bleph is nothing. You will be ok. You will overcome this wave ofemotion. You do not have a deformity. The deformityis what society thinks is beautiful. With my bleph,

Ihad a few boyfriends. All of which didn't thinkanything wrong with my eyes. One guy even told methat my eyes were so unique, they were attractive! Sodid I have a terrible life? What kid out there hasn't been teased? Kids arecruel...that's because they don't know any better. "Normal" kids will get teased for something. Rather itbe their big ears or ugly shoes...they will getteased. Enrich your life with a child. Do not be scared. Iwasn't scared when I was trying to get pregnant. Iknew that I would pass on the bleph, but it didn'tstop me. My daughter is beautiful and healthy. Don'tcheat yourself out of a child because of your personalanxiety over your eyes. You are beautiful. The factthat you are reaching out to a group of strangersshows your inner strength and beauty. So stop your crying. Hang that Christmas picture

upwith pride. And hug/kiss your boyfriend for beingunderstanding.Hope this put a smile on your face!__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much Min and Beth -- You words are both positive and

reassuring and I really appreciate your taking the time to write.

Have a great weekend

all the best,

April