'A Real Man Does Provide Care'

[Guest guest]

South Africa: 'A Real Man Does Provide Care'

Palitza

25 December 2008

----------------------------------------------------------------------

----------

Mthatha — Sonwabo Qathula puts on his apron and starts peeling a pile

of butternuts, while a pot of rice boils on the stove next to him.

The 50-year-old is preparing lunch for poor and orphaned children who

attend a rural school in the Eastern Cape.

When the meal is ready, he dishes out the food and serves it to the

boys and girls. Later, he collects the empty plates and washes the

dishes.

A man in the kitchen makes for an unusual sight in most places, urban

or rural, in South Africa and is often accompanied by snide comments,

mocking laughter or a shaking of heads in disapproval -- from men as

well as from women. Patriarchy remains the widely accepted social

norm and gender roles are clearly divided into how men are supposed

to act and how women have to behave.

In one rural area in the Eastern Cape, however, all this has started

to change.

A group of seven men is working as home-based caregivers with the

Siyakhanyisa HIV/AIDS support group in Qumbu, 60 kilometres outside

of Mthatha, to make a positive contribution to the welfare of their

community. Initially ridiculed for doing work traditionally reserved

for women, they have quickly become role models and earned respect

for their courage to do things differently and take responsibility

for the goings-on in their villages.

The men decided to get actively involved in helping others after they

learnt about gender stereotypes, understandings of manhood and

fatherhood during workshops run by NGO Sonke Gender Justice earlier

this year. They now care for people living with HIV, bathe the

bedridden, counsel, educate about HIV prevention and transmission,

facilitate access to anti-retroviral treatment, refer patients to

social services and assist sick persons in writing their will.

They also encourage community members to test for HIV, distribute

condoms and help disadvantaged school children with their homework

and cook for them.

" In most places in South Africa, gender stereotypes are present and

practised, " said Sonke Eastern Cape project manager

Godana. " Men's and women's roles in society are divided, and as a

result, men are often left out of community initiatives, particularly

care and the upbringing of children. "

In South Africa, studies show that women still do ten times more care

work then men, added Sonke co-director Dean Peacock, but he is

convinced that this imbalance is gradually shifting towards a more

equal approach to caring and rearing. " There are a few men that have

become role models and practice gender equality. Not many, but they

are there, " he said.

Now, almost one third of Siyakhanyisa staff, which used to be an

exclusively women-run organisation, is male. " Since men got involved

in home-based care, we have seen many benefits and a great change of

social dynamics in our community. Our aim is to get a half men, half

women team, " noted Siyakhanyisa project coordinator Siphokazi Makaula.

She said the numbers of people coming for voluntary counselling and

testing (VCT) for HIV has increased and children, especially orphans,

were better looked after: " These men are a great example for other

men. "

Men caring for others is a relatively new phenomenon in South Africa

and elsewhere on the continent. " In African society, it is seen as

culturally incorrect to involve men in care. Men are seen as

financial providers, while women are supposed to be? the nurturers of

the community, " explained Godana. " Men don't even take care of their

own health. Going to the clinic is regarded as a sign of weakness, of

being 'not man enough'. "

That's why it is " highly unusual " to have men working as caregivers,

Godana explained, " but the story of the men from Qumbu shows that men

can change. It's a break-through. "

Men who were previously unemployed and had little to contribute to

their families and communities have now become community

leaders. " Initially, people were sceptical about men getting involved

in care work, but when they saw the positive impact their involvement

had on the community, they quickly changed their attitudes, " he added.

The first man to go through Sonke gender training, join the

Siyakhanyisa support group and become a caregiver was Qathula. A few

years ago, the widower lost his wife to HIV-related illnesses, fell

sick shortly thereafter and found out that he, like his wife, was HIV-

positive after testing for the virus. He decided to seek help, became

a member of the support group and soon saw an opportunity to not only

be helped but help others as well.

Today, Qathula publicly discloses his HIV status and educates others

about the virus, the importance of testing and of positive living.

For the past two years, he was the only man working with

Siyakhanyisa, until, by positive example, he managed to convince six

others to join the organisation in mid-2008.

Qathula says he initially received derogatory remarks from other men

in his community who questioned his manhood because he was

doing " women's work " . " It was not easy to take such comments, but I

was never deterred, " he explained.

Now, Qathula, who said he used to be a " traditional " man who had not

ever done housework in his entire life, does not hesitate to put on

an apron to cook, wash dishes and help other women in the kitchen.

Over time, those who used to ridicule him have taken note of the

positive impact of his work and started to show him

respect. " People's attitudes are changing. I get recognition from the

school principal, the chief of my area and many men and women in my

community, " said Qathula. " Being able to help people makes me proud

and that's what keeps me going. "

His sentiments are echoed by Mzolisi Nyembezi (31), another of the

seven men who work as caregivers for Siyakhanyisa. Nyembezi said he

initially doubted care work was for him: " At first, I didn't see why

a man has to do this type of work. I also got many derogatory

comments. People said I was doing women's work and laughed at me. "

But after talking to Qathula, Nyembezi changed his mind and saw value

in caring for others. " I had just been released from jail and for the

first time in my life, I learnt about gender and fatherhood. I always

thought it was women's responsibility to do the care giving. "

[Guest guest]

South Africa: 'A Real Man Does Provide Care'

Palitza

25 December 2008

----------------------------------------------------------------------

----------

Mthatha — Sonwabo Qathula puts on his apron and starts peeling a pile

of butternuts, while a pot of rice boils on the stove next to him.

The 50-year-old is preparing lunch for poor and orphaned children who

attend a rural school in the Eastern Cape.

When the meal is ready, he dishes out the food and serves it to the

boys and girls. Later, he collects the empty plates and washes the

dishes.

A man in the kitchen makes for an unusual sight in most places, urban

or rural, in South Africa and is often accompanied by snide comments,

mocking laughter or a shaking of heads in disapproval -- from men as

well as from women. Patriarchy remains the widely accepted social

norm and gender roles are clearly divided into how men are supposed

to act and how women have to behave.

In one rural area in the Eastern Cape, however, all this has started

to change.

A group of seven men is working as home-based caregivers with the

Siyakhanyisa HIV/AIDS support group in Qumbu, 60 kilometres outside

of Mthatha, to make a positive contribution to the welfare of their

community. Initially ridiculed for doing work traditionally reserved

for women, they have quickly become role models and earned respect

for their courage to do things differently and take responsibility

for the goings-on in their villages.

The men decided to get actively involved in helping others after they

learnt about gender stereotypes, understandings of manhood and

fatherhood during workshops run by NGO Sonke Gender Justice earlier

this year. They now care for people living with HIV, bathe the

bedridden, counsel, educate about HIV prevention and transmission,

facilitate access to anti-retroviral treatment, refer patients to

social services and assist sick persons in writing their will.

They also encourage community members to test for HIV, distribute

condoms and help disadvantaged school children with their homework

and cook for them.

" In most places in South Africa, gender stereotypes are present and

practised, " said Sonke Eastern Cape project manager

Godana. " Men's and women's roles in society are divided, and as a

result, men are often left out of community initiatives, particularly

care and the upbringing of children. "

In South Africa, studies show that women still do ten times more care

work then men, added Sonke co-director Dean Peacock, but he is

convinced that this imbalance is gradually shifting towards a more

equal approach to caring and rearing. " There are a few men that have

become role models and practice gender equality. Not many, but they

are there, " he said.

Now, almost one third of Siyakhanyisa staff, which used to be an

exclusively women-run organisation, is male. " Since men got involved

in home-based care, we have seen many benefits and a great change of

social dynamics in our community. Our aim is to get a half men, half

women team, " noted Siyakhanyisa project coordinator Siphokazi Makaula.

She said the numbers of people coming for voluntary counselling and

testing (VCT) for HIV has increased and children, especially orphans,

were better looked after: " These men are a great example for other

men. "

Men caring for others is a relatively new phenomenon in South Africa

and elsewhere on the continent. " In African society, it is seen as

culturally incorrect to involve men in care. Men are seen as

financial providers, while women are supposed to be? the nurturers of

the community, " explained Godana. " Men don't even take care of their

own health. Going to the clinic is regarded as a sign of weakness, of

being 'not man enough'. "

That's why it is " highly unusual " to have men working as caregivers,

Godana explained, " but the story of the men from Qumbu shows that men

can change. It's a break-through. "

Men who were previously unemployed and had little to contribute to

their families and communities have now become community

leaders. " Initially, people were sceptical about men getting involved

in care work, but when they saw the positive impact their involvement

had on the community, they quickly changed their attitudes, " he added.

The first man to go through Sonke gender training, join the

Siyakhanyisa support group and become a caregiver was Qathula. A few

years ago, the widower lost his wife to HIV-related illnesses, fell

sick shortly thereafter and found out that he, like his wife, was HIV-

positive after testing for the virus. He decided to seek help, became

a member of the support group and soon saw an opportunity to not only

be helped but help others as well.

Today, Qathula publicly discloses his HIV status and educates others

about the virus, the importance of testing and of positive living.

For the past two years, he was the only man working with

Siyakhanyisa, until, by positive example, he managed to convince six

others to join the organisation in mid-2008.

Qathula says he initially received derogatory remarks from other men

in his community who questioned his manhood because he was

doing " women's work " . " It was not easy to take such comments, but I

was never deterred, " he explained.

Now, Qathula, who said he used to be a " traditional " man who had not

ever done housework in his entire life, does not hesitate to put on

an apron to cook, wash dishes and help other women in the kitchen.

Over time, those who used to ridicule him have taken note of the

positive impact of his work and started to show him

respect. " People's attitudes are changing. I get recognition from the

school principal, the chief of my area and many men and women in my

community, " said Qathula. " Being able to help people makes me proud

and that's what keeps me going. "

His sentiments are echoed by Mzolisi Nyembezi (31), another of the

seven men who work as caregivers for Siyakhanyisa. Nyembezi said he

initially doubted care work was for him: " At first, I didn't see why

a man has to do this type of work. I also got many derogatory

comments. People said I was doing women's work and laughed at me. "

But after talking to Qathula, Nyembezi changed his mind and saw value

in caring for others. " I had just been released from jail and for the

first time in my life, I learnt about gender and fatherhood. I always

thought it was women's responsibility to do the care giving. "