Young, hip and HIV-positive

[Guest guest]

Young, hip and HIV-positive

By CAROLINE NJUNG'E (email the author)

•Forget about living and instead focus their energies on keeping a

secret.

•Any VCT centre should be able to refer you to a centre near you.

Despite attempts to demystify HIV and Aids, many Kenyans still view

the condition as mainly afflicting the ignorant, uneducated and

promiscuous poor.

That is why the highly educated, well-to-do from " respectable "

families who are infected find it difficult to disclose their status

to more than a handful of close people, let alone go public.

Those in managerial positions are particularly keen to keep their co-

workers and subordinates in the dark for fear of losing their

authority.

Consequently, they go great lengths to hide their status, even from

loved ones. They, therefore, forget about living and instead focus

their energies on keeping a secret that is bound to come out,

eventually.

Asunta Wagura, the executive director of Kenya Network of Women

Living With Aids (Kenwa), who comes across such people in her line of

work, says they fear how others will react and how their lives will

change when people get to know.

" HIV was presented as a condition that afflicts slum dwellers, not

the elite, " she points out, adding that that is the reason doctors,

lawyers, professors, managers, MPs, religious leaders and others in

influential positions find it difficult to come to terms with the

fact that they have the virus. Besides, she adds, being diagnosed

with the virus reduces a person to a normal human being, and some

people cannot reconcile themselves with this new status.

" It doesn't help that HIV and Aids is used to gauge how morally

upright you are. These are some of the fears these people have to

deal with, " she says.

That's why some of the people who need her help request her not to go

to the meeting venue in a branded company car lest people make an

association, while others set up meetings in an out-of-the way hotel

or a hotel room to ensure maximum privacy.

" These people, just like the poor man or woman in the slums living

with the virus, need psychological support, so they reach out to me,

probably because I am sailing in the same boat, " she explains.

Florence Anam, a Kenwa project officer who works with young people,

says this group faces challenges similar to those of their older

counterparts, only theirs goes somewhat further.

" The group is aged between 18 and 30 years and many have well-paying

jobs. They would like to get married and have children, but things

are not that straightforward for them. "

For example, they fear being dumped by a boyfriend or girlfriend who

learns of their status. They also fear embarrassing their parents,

who are held in high esteem in society.

Florence says that when going for support meetings, some leave their

cars and take a matatu because they don't want to be recognised. And

many foot their bills for medication for opportunistic infections

instead of using their companies' medical insurance cover for fear

that a co-worker might discover their secret.

This group also finds it difficult to open up to loved ones, and some

have kept their partners in the dark for years. Some take leave from

work when they have to be admitted to hospital rather than have

colleagues know that they are feeling unwell.

And those whose partners do not know about their status simply lie

about a working trip and check themselves into a hospital.

" While at work, hanging out with friends or during family gatherings,

popping a pill would not raise any suspicion because you could always

say you have a headache, " says Florence, adding that the pressure to

keep such information secret can quickly weigh you down.

Those who carry this burden confess to feeling as if they are living

a double life. Florence, who lived in denial for a year before

disclosing her status, says it can be lonely.

" I understand what they're going through. For these people, our

meetings offer a chance to be themselves, at least for a couple of

hours, besides giving them an opportunity to make friends with other

young people living with the virus, " she explains.

Though Asunta empathises with them, she notes that living with such a

secret is taxing and many end up dying miserable because they were

afraid to talk to someone.

She points out that, although this group has the money to buy drugs

and eat healthy to keep their immunity levels up, at the end of the

day, they need psychological support, which is impossible if they do

not confide in anyone.

She cites the example of a lady friend who confided that no matter

how many parties she attends, she never feels a part of the crowd.

" She has kept her status secret because she desperately wants to live

like she did before but it is impossible. Any remark about an HIV

positive person affects her and she takes offence even if it wasn't

directed at her, " explains Asunta.

" Life gets easier when you're forthright. For instance, nobody asks

me why I don't take alcohol or certain foods because they know about

my status. I have learnt that most people are understanding and will

accept you, whether you're HIV positive or not. "

Clara Wambui*, a 26-year-old programme manager with a local NGO, is

still debating on whether to go public with her status. She went for

an HIV test after a person she had been intimate with succumbed to

HIV-related complications.

A sociology graduate, she learnt of her status during her third year

at university. For two years she kept it secret, living in denial and

grappling with self-hatred. The only thing that kept her sane were

the friends she met at the VCT centre during counselling.

Then, last year she gathered the courage to confide in her mother,

elder sister and a few close friends. Her main reason for keeping her

status secret was fear of disappointing those close to her. She also

dreaded being pitied and treated differently, and wondered what

people would think of her.

" Most people associate the condition with people who have loose

morals and I was afraid I would be placed in that category. "

Florence's story

Florence Anam found out that she was HIV positive when she was 26.

She had just graduated from Maseno University and had found a

temporary job in Nairobi.

For this intelligent and optimistic young woman, that was just a

stepping stone to bigger and better career opportunities. Then came

the bombshell following a spur-of-the-moment visit to a VCT centre.

Three years later, she still cannot explain what motivated her to go

for the test because she was not sick.

" I just had this persistent need to go for a test, although I can't

explain why because it had never crossed my mind before, " recalls

Florence, who asked a friend to accompany her to Kenyatta National

Hospital that Saturday morning.

When she tested positive, she went so numb that she could not even

think.

" I was dazed, I could not even cry. Even when I broke the news to my

friend, it was as if I was talking about someone else, " she recalls.

Still in a stupor, she attended a party that afternoon, hoping she

would wake up from the nightmare. Somehow she survived the weekend

and even made it to work on Monday.

She had not cried until then but towards the end of the day, she

finally broke down and wept like she had never done before.

" It was my immediate boss who discovered me slumped over my desk

crying, and in desperation, I ended up confiding in him, " she recalls.

Unknown to her, the friend who had accompanied her for the test had

leaked the news to mutual friends, but she suspected it when they

started giving her curious looks.

When a young man who had been showing keen interest in her suddenly

grew distant without an explanation, Florence knew for sure her

secret was out.

" I was so distressed, I assumed that anyone who looked at me somehow

knew about my status. I even started avoiding all the places I was

likely to meet people who knew me, " she says, adding that she began

using the city's back streets, where she felt safe from prying eyes.

She read something in other people's actions, no matter how innocent.

For example, when the caretaker at her place of work cleaned the

toilet with detergent before she used it, Florence assumed that the

woman did it to spite her. She later realised that the woman knew

nothing about her status.

At the time, Florence was sharing a house with a friend in Buruburu

estate in Nairobi. Although she was lonely, she was not ready to

confide in anyone else, especially her parents, whom she felt she had

let down.

" I was still living in denial and just wanted to be alone. I ,

therefore got myself a house so that I could mourn in peace. "

For a year, she cut off communication with all her friends and kept

her status secret from her family, except for her younger sister,

whom she is very close to. It was only much later that she gathered

the courage to tell her mother, who took the news well.

Notably, Florence's professional life was looking up. She got a

better job, which came with better pay and a higher position. But

five months into her dream job, she got the sack.

" I reported to work that morning, only to find a letter addressed to

me in my top drawer. It had been slipped in because the drawer was

locked, " Florence explains.

It simply said she had been sacked due to " budgetary constraints " .

Interestingly, it came a day after the administration received her

medical report. She still cannot tell which was more painful —

finding out that she was HIV positive, or being sacked for it.

Feeling unwanted and alone, she picked up her bag and left the

office. Uncertain about what to do next, she got Asunta Wagura's e-

mail address from a newspaper article and poured her heart out in a

lengthy e-mail. Asunta called her almost immediately and asked her to

go and see her.

Thus began her new lease of life. She started off as volunteer before

being taken on as the organisation's project officer in charge of

advocacy. At around that time, she mustered the courage to tell her

father about her status.

" They support me in their own way, " Florence says of her parents and

family, adding that what matters most is that they still love and

accept her.

She also started renewing contact with her old friends. The genuine

friends offered her their unconditional support while the rest

avoided her.

" I look at it as a blessing in disguise because it made me a stronger

person and I found out who my true friends were, " she says.

Thereafter, she went public with her status, which she says was one

of the most difficult things she has ever done.

" I expected the world to collapse around me so when it didn't, I knew

that the worst was over. From then on, my life just got easier, " she

says.

She is now setting up the youth support programme.

" When I joined Kenwa, I realised that, although it had several

successful support programmes, none really addressed the needs of

young people like me. "

A challenge this group faces is whether they can continue being

sexually active and if so, how they can do it responsibly. Some would

like to get married and have children but believe they cannot because

of their status.

" This is the most productive time of your life and as long as you

have the right the information, there is nothing to stop you from

getting married, having a family or a healthy sex life, " explains

Florence.

She advises them to visit any comprehensive care centre and for those

who want to have children, a prevention of mother to child

transmission centre (PMTCT) programme. Any VCT centre should be able

to refer you to a centre near you.

She points out that this neglected group comprises young, hip and

educated youth who are young in their careers and concerned with

youthful interests such as fashion, hanging out and the latest music.

" So many young people out there want to connect, share and make

friends with other young people experiencing similar challenges but

have nowhere to turn to, " notes Florence.

The group held its first meeting in February this year and is having

another next Saturday (October 4).

" The programme is still in its infancy, but the response so far has

been encouraging. Already, 20 youth have registered for this

meeting, " she says.

Those interested in finding out more about this programme can contact

Florence at KENWA offices on 6766677 or e-mail her at

kenwa@...

[Guest guest]

Young, hip and HIV-positive

By CAROLINE NJUNG'E (email the author)

•Forget about living and instead focus their energies on keeping a

secret.

•Any VCT centre should be able to refer you to a centre near you.

Despite attempts to demystify HIV and Aids, many Kenyans still view

the condition as mainly afflicting the ignorant, uneducated and

promiscuous poor.

That is why the highly educated, well-to-do from " respectable "

families who are infected find it difficult to disclose their status

to more than a handful of close people, let alone go public.

Those in managerial positions are particularly keen to keep their co-

workers and subordinates in the dark for fear of losing their

authority.

Consequently, they go great lengths to hide their status, even from

loved ones. They, therefore, forget about living and instead focus

their energies on keeping a secret that is bound to come out,

eventually.

Asunta Wagura, the executive director of Kenya Network of Women

Living With Aids (Kenwa), who comes across such people in her line of

work, says they fear how others will react and how their lives will

change when people get to know.

" HIV was presented as a condition that afflicts slum dwellers, not

the elite, " she points out, adding that that is the reason doctors,

lawyers, professors, managers, MPs, religious leaders and others in

influential positions find it difficult to come to terms with the

fact that they have the virus. Besides, she adds, being diagnosed

with the virus reduces a person to a normal human being, and some

people cannot reconcile themselves with this new status.

" It doesn't help that HIV and Aids is used to gauge how morally

upright you are. These are some of the fears these people have to

deal with, " she says.

That's why some of the people who need her help request her not to go

to the meeting venue in a branded company car lest people make an

association, while others set up meetings in an out-of-the way hotel

or a hotel room to ensure maximum privacy.

" These people, just like the poor man or woman in the slums living

with the virus, need psychological support, so they reach out to me,

probably because I am sailing in the same boat, " she explains.

Florence Anam, a Kenwa project officer who works with young people,

says this group faces challenges similar to those of their older

counterparts, only theirs goes somewhat further.

" The group is aged between 18 and 30 years and many have well-paying

jobs. They would like to get married and have children, but things

are not that straightforward for them. "

For example, they fear being dumped by a boyfriend or girlfriend who

learns of their status. They also fear embarrassing their parents,

who are held in high esteem in society.

Florence says that when going for support meetings, some leave their

cars and take a matatu because they don't want to be recognised. And

many foot their bills for medication for opportunistic infections

instead of using their companies' medical insurance cover for fear

that a co-worker might discover their secret.

This group also finds it difficult to open up to loved ones, and some

have kept their partners in the dark for years. Some take leave from

work when they have to be admitted to hospital rather than have

colleagues know that they are feeling unwell.

And those whose partners do not know about their status simply lie

about a working trip and check themselves into a hospital.

" While at work, hanging out with friends or during family gatherings,

popping a pill would not raise any suspicion because you could always

say you have a headache, " says Florence, adding that the pressure to

keep such information secret can quickly weigh you down.

Those who carry this burden confess to feeling as if they are living

a double life. Florence, who lived in denial for a year before

disclosing her status, says it can be lonely.

" I understand what they're going through. For these people, our

meetings offer a chance to be themselves, at least for a couple of

hours, besides giving them an opportunity to make friends with other

young people living with the virus, " she explains.

Though Asunta empathises with them, she notes that living with such a

secret is taxing and many end up dying miserable because they were

afraid to talk to someone.

She points out that, although this group has the money to buy drugs

and eat healthy to keep their immunity levels up, at the end of the

day, they need psychological support, which is impossible if they do

not confide in anyone.

She cites the example of a lady friend who confided that no matter

how many parties she attends, she never feels a part of the crowd.

" She has kept her status secret because she desperately wants to live

like she did before but it is impossible. Any remark about an HIV

positive person affects her and she takes offence even if it wasn't

directed at her, " explains Asunta.

" Life gets easier when you're forthright. For instance, nobody asks

me why I don't take alcohol or certain foods because they know about

my status. I have learnt that most people are understanding and will

accept you, whether you're HIV positive or not. "

Clara Wambui*, a 26-year-old programme manager with a local NGO, is

still debating on whether to go public with her status. She went for

an HIV test after a person she had been intimate with succumbed to

HIV-related complications.

A sociology graduate, she learnt of her status during her third year

at university. For two years she kept it secret, living in denial and

grappling with self-hatred. The only thing that kept her sane were

the friends she met at the VCT centre during counselling.

Then, last year she gathered the courage to confide in her mother,

elder sister and a few close friends. Her main reason for keeping her

status secret was fear of disappointing those close to her. She also

dreaded being pitied and treated differently, and wondered what

people would think of her.

" Most people associate the condition with people who have loose

morals and I was afraid I would be placed in that category. "

Florence's story

Florence Anam found out that she was HIV positive when she was 26.

She had just graduated from Maseno University and had found a

temporary job in Nairobi.

For this intelligent and optimistic young woman, that was just a

stepping stone to bigger and better career opportunities. Then came

the bombshell following a spur-of-the-moment visit to a VCT centre.

Three years later, she still cannot explain what motivated her to go

for the test because she was not sick.

" I just had this persistent need to go for a test, although I can't

explain why because it had never crossed my mind before, " recalls

Florence, who asked a friend to accompany her to Kenyatta National

Hospital that Saturday morning.

When she tested positive, she went so numb that she could not even

think.

" I was dazed, I could not even cry. Even when I broke the news to my

friend, it was as if I was talking about someone else, " she recalls.

Still in a stupor, she attended a party that afternoon, hoping she

would wake up from the nightmare. Somehow she survived the weekend

and even made it to work on Monday.

She had not cried until then but towards the end of the day, she

finally broke down and wept like she had never done before.

" It was my immediate boss who discovered me slumped over my desk

crying, and in desperation, I ended up confiding in him, " she recalls.

Unknown to her, the friend who had accompanied her for the test had

leaked the news to mutual friends, but she suspected it when they

started giving her curious looks.

When a young man who had been showing keen interest in her suddenly

grew distant without an explanation, Florence knew for sure her

secret was out.

" I was so distressed, I assumed that anyone who looked at me somehow

knew about my status. I even started avoiding all the places I was

likely to meet people who knew me, " she says, adding that she began

using the city's back streets, where she felt safe from prying eyes.

She read something in other people's actions, no matter how innocent.

For example, when the caretaker at her place of work cleaned the

toilet with detergent before she used it, Florence assumed that the

woman did it to spite her. She later realised that the woman knew

nothing about her status.

At the time, Florence was sharing a house with a friend in Buruburu

estate in Nairobi. Although she was lonely, she was not ready to

confide in anyone else, especially her parents, whom she felt she had

let down.

" I was still living in denial and just wanted to be alone. I ,

therefore got myself a house so that I could mourn in peace. "

For a year, she cut off communication with all her friends and kept

her status secret from her family, except for her younger sister,

whom she is very close to. It was only much later that she gathered

the courage to tell her mother, who took the news well.

Notably, Florence's professional life was looking up. She got a

better job, which came with better pay and a higher position. But

five months into her dream job, she got the sack.

" I reported to work that morning, only to find a letter addressed to

me in my top drawer. It had been slipped in because the drawer was

locked, " Florence explains.

It simply said she had been sacked due to " budgetary constraints " .

Interestingly, it came a day after the administration received her

medical report. She still cannot tell which was more painful —

finding out that she was HIV positive, or being sacked for it.

Feeling unwanted and alone, she picked up her bag and left the

office. Uncertain about what to do next, she got Asunta Wagura's e-

mail address from a newspaper article and poured her heart out in a

lengthy e-mail. Asunta called her almost immediately and asked her to

go and see her.

Thus began her new lease of life. She started off as volunteer before

being taken on as the organisation's project officer in charge of

advocacy. At around that time, she mustered the courage to tell her

father about her status.

" They support me in their own way, " Florence says of her parents and

family, adding that what matters most is that they still love and

accept her.

She also started renewing contact with her old friends. The genuine

friends offered her their unconditional support while the rest

avoided her.

" I look at it as a blessing in disguise because it made me a stronger

person and I found out who my true friends were, " she says.

Thereafter, she went public with her status, which she says was one

of the most difficult things she has ever done.

" I expected the world to collapse around me so when it didn't, I knew

that the worst was over. From then on, my life just got easier, " she

says.

She is now setting up the youth support programme.

" When I joined Kenwa, I realised that, although it had several

successful support programmes, none really addressed the needs of

young people like me. "

A challenge this group faces is whether they can continue being

sexually active and if so, how they can do it responsibly. Some would

like to get married and have children but believe they cannot because

of their status.

" This is the most productive time of your life and as long as you

have the right the information, there is nothing to stop you from

getting married, having a family or a healthy sex life, " explains

Florence.

She advises them to visit any comprehensive care centre and for those

who want to have children, a prevention of mother to child

transmission centre (PMTCT) programme. Any VCT centre should be able

to refer you to a centre near you.

She points out that this neglected group comprises young, hip and

educated youth who are young in their careers and concerned with

youthful interests such as fashion, hanging out and the latest music.

" So many young people out there want to connect, share and make

friends with other young people experiencing similar challenges but

have nowhere to turn to, " notes Florence.

The group held its first meeting in February this year and is having

another next Saturday (October 4).

" The programme is still in its infancy, but the response so far has

been encouraging. Already, 20 youth have registered for this

meeting, " she says.

Those interested in finding out more about this programme can contact

Florence at KENWA offices on 6766677 or e-mail her at

kenwa@...