Re: Fw: Arc and My Brothers Life

[Guest guest]

Beautiful story, Ellen. Thanks for sharing it!

Debra

In a message dated 1/9/2012 9:29:16 A.M. Central Standard Time,

egskb@... writes:

Arc and My Brothers LifeThe story that is reprinted here is worth reading.

Ellen

Ellen Garber Bronfeld

_egskb@..._ (mailto:egskb@...)

----- Original Message -----

From: The Arc of Illinois

Ellen

Sent: Monday, January 09, 2012 9:01 AM

Subject: Arc and My Brothers Life

Cal writes about his brother Marshall who died last week. Is this

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Dear Ellen,

Phil and I are heading to Plainfield today to meet with House Republican

Leader Tom Cross and his staff. On the agenda is the Governor's Rebalancing

Initiative, Ligas and delayed payments to providers.

Here is a Commentary from todays Chicago Tribune, " My Brother's Life Was A

Source of Joy. "

Tony

My brother's valuable life

a..

How does one measure whether a life was a success, or a failure?

Some would measure it by recognition, that is, how many knew the person's

name. For others, the measure of a successful life would be the amount of

wealth accumulated, or possessions held. Still others would say a life was

successful if the person made a major contribution to society — in medicine,

sports, politics or the arts.

By that standard my brother, Marshall , who died Jan. 5, was

a failure. If, however, your standard for a successful life is how that

life positively touched others, then my brother's life was a resounding

success.

Shortly after he was born in 1950, Marshall was diagnosed with Down

syndrome. Some in the medical community referred to the intellectually disabled

as " retarded " back then, long before the word became a common schoolyard

epithet. His doctors told our parents he would never amount to anything and

advised them to place him in an institution. Back then, this was advice too

often taken by parents who were so embarrassed about having a disabled child

that they often refused to take them out in public.

Our parents wanted none of that. In the '50s, many institutions were snake

pits where inhumanities were often tolerated and people were warehoused

until they died, often in deplorable conditions. While they weren't wealthy,

they were committed to seeing that Marshall had the best possible care, no

matter how long he lived. Because of their dedication and thanks to the

Kennedy family and their commitment to the rights, causes and issues related

to the mentally and physically challenged, Marshall had a longer and better

quality of life than might have been expected. He outlived his life

expectancy by nearly 40 years. He lived his life dancing and singing and

listening

to music he loved.

Yes, it cost our parents a lot of money to give him the care they believed

he deserved. They might have taken more vacations, owned a fancier house

and driven a luxurious car, but before we valued things more than people,

they valued Marshall more than any tangible thing. And that care rubbed off

on me and other family members.

The stereotype about people who call themselves conservatives is that we

don't care for the less fortunate. Even if that were true (which it isn't),

Marshall deepened my sensitivity and understanding for the mentally and

physically challenged and for those who, like our parents, committed

themselves to caring for others who were touched by a malady that could easily

have

been ours.

I was 7 years old when Marshall was born. A year or two later when the

diagnosis was made, I bought a popular book written by Dale and gave it

to our parents. It was called " Angel Unaware. " The title was taken from a

verse in the New Testament which says, " Do not neglect to show hospitality

to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. " (Hebrews

13:2) ' book was about the Down syndrome child she had with her

husband, Roy .

Roy and Dale named their daughter Robin and their commitment to

her (she died at the age of 2) strongly influenced our parents' decision to

take care of Marshall, rather than institutionalize him. While it was

sometimes difficult for them and later after their death, for me, we never

regretted that decision because of the joy Marshall brought to our lives.

In an age when we discard the inconvenient and unwanted in order to pursue

pleasure and a life free of burdens, this may seem strange to some. I

recall a line from the long-running Broadway musical, " The Fantasticks " : " Deep

in December, it's nice to remember, without a hurt the heart is hollow. "

Marshall ' " hurts " filled a number of hollow hearts.

At the end of the Christmas classic " It's a Wonderful Life, "

reads an inscription in a book given to him by Clarence, his guardian

angel: " Remember, no man is a failure who has friends. "

No life is a failure when it causes so many to care for others. At that my

brother succeeded magnificently.

Tribune Media Services

Cal is a syndicated columnist.

Copyright © 2012, Chicago Tribune

Tony auski

Executive Director

The Arc of Illinois

20901 S. LaGrange Rd. Suite 209

fort, IL 60423

815-464-1832 (OFFICE)

708-828-0188 (CELL)

_Tony@..._ (mailto:Tony@...)

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[Guest guest]

Beautiful Ellen, thank you. I will pass this on.

Thais