Fw: Arc and My Brothers Life

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Arc and My Brothers LifeThe story that is reprinted here is worth reading.

Ellen

Ellen Garber Bronfeld

egskb@...

Arc and My Brothers Life

Cal writes about his brother Marshall who died last

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Dear Ellen,

Phil and I are heading to Plainfield today to meet with

House Republican Leader Tom Cross and his staff. On the agenda is the Governor's

Rebalancing Initiative, Ligas and delayed payments to providers.

Here is a Commentary from todays Chicago Tribune, " My

Brother's Life Was A Source of Joy. "

Tony

My brother's valuable life

a..

How does one measure whether a life was a success, or a

failure?

Some would measure it by recognition, that is, how many

knew the person's name. For others, the measure of a successful life would be

the amount of wealth accumulated, or possessions held. Still others would say a

life was successful if the person made a major contribution to society — in

medicine, sports, politics or the arts.

By that standard my brother, Marshall ,

who died Jan. 5, was a failure. If, however, your standard for a successful life

is how that life positively touched others, then my brother's life was a

resounding success.

Shortly after he was born in 1950, Marshall was

diagnosed with Down syndrome. Some in the medical community referred to the

intellectually disabled as " retarded " back then, long before the word became a

common schoolyard epithet. His doctors told our parents he would never amount to

anything and advised them to place him in an institution. Back then, this was

advice too often taken by parents who were so embarrassed about having a

disabled child that they often refused to take them out in public.

Our parents wanted none of that. In the '50s, many

institutions were snake pits where inhumanities were often tolerated and people

were warehoused until they died, often in deplorable conditions. While they

weren't wealthy, they were committed to seeing that Marshall had the best

possible care, no matter how long he lived. Because of their dedication and

thanks to the Kennedy family and their commitment to the rights, causes and

issues related to the mentally and physically challenged, Marshall had a longer

and better quality of life than might have been expected. He outlived his life

expectancy by nearly 40 years. He lived his life dancing and singing and

listening to music he loved.

Yes, it cost our parents a lot of money to give him the

care they believed he deserved. They might have taken more vacations, owned a

fancier house and driven a luxurious car, but before we valued things more than

people, they valued Marshall more than any tangible thing. And that care rubbed

off on me and other family members.

The stereotype about people who call themselves

conservatives is that we don't care for the less fortunate. Even if that were

true (which it isn't), Marshall deepened my sensitivity and understanding for

the mentally and physically challenged and for those who, like our parents,

committed themselves to caring for others who were touched by a malady that

could easily have been ours.

I was 7 years old when Marshall was born. A year or two

later when the diagnosis was made, I bought a popular book written by Dale

and gave it to our parents. It was called " Angel Unaware. " The title was taken

from a verse in the New Testament which says, " Do not neglect to show

hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. "

(Hebrews 13:2) ' book was about the Down syndrome child she had with her

husband, Roy .

Roy and Dale named their daughter Robin and

their commitment to her (she died at the age of 2) strongly influenced our

parents' decision to take care of Marshall, rather than institutionalize him.

While it was sometimes difficult for them and later after their death, for me,

we never regretted that decision because of the joy Marshall brought to our

lives.

In an age when we discard the inconvenient and unwanted

in order to pursue pleasure and a life free of burdens, this may seem strange to

some. I recall a line from the long-running Broadway musical, " The Fantasticks " :

" Deep in December, it's nice to remember, without a hurt the heart is hollow. "

Marshall ' " hurts " filled a number of hollow

hearts.

At the end of the Christmas classic " It's a Wonderful

Life, " reads an inscription in a book given to him by Clarence,

his guardian angel: " Remember, no man is a failure who has friends. "

No life is a failure when it causes so many to care for

others. At that my brother succeeded magnificently.

Tribune Media Services

Cal is a syndicated columnist.

Copyright © 2012, Chicago Tribune

Tony auski

Executive Director

The Arc of Illinois

20901 S. LaGrange Rd. Suite 209

fort, IL 60423

815-464-1832 (OFFICE)

708-828-0188 (CELL)

Tony@...

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