Long Overdue Post

February 1, 2008

Everyone,

Apologies for my having seemed to drop off the face of the Earth. I

almost did for a while. Eva is dearly departed, and I experienced a

bit of difficulty dealing with it all. I also spent quite a bit of

time in Indiana taking care of my Mother-in-Law and was away from

computer access during that time. She is in end stage Alzheimers, so

the combination of the two events took their toll. I think of

everyone nearly every day and hope to catch up soon. Especially with

-- I hope your surgery went very well -- I have been sending

a ton of prayers and Zen, tried to write a few times, but just

couldn't hit send. Don't know how you did it but the two times you

IM'd me I sat here in tears and disbelief. The first time was the day

that E was euthanized. The second time was the day we decided to let

Henry (another dog, similarily afflicted) go and I had just gotten

off the phone with his 'mom' when you IM'd. I felt an immediate

affinity to you back when -- there must be something to all that! :-)

Anyway, I digress. I wanted to let you all know that every day,

without fail, medical people are visiting Eva's site. More often it

is averaging 3-4 IP Addresses that indicate medical staff and/or

health care providers. My guess is there might be more (as many have

protected IP addresses).

I have worked on Eva's page recently and have a link to this group.

For now. What I would like to do is design a page that will contain

selected input from group members. One that best describes the

various combinations of symptoms, severity of symptoms, and

treatments that have been successful -- then provide a link to the

group on that page. If it is well done, and the traffic continues,

little by little there will be better exposure to the condition and

educational possibilities. It would be great to have submissions

suggested so as to provide the most well-rounded, comprehensive

material.

Also to let you know, I have recently had an offer by someone who is

experienced in grant writing -- she would like to be the grant writer

for cmERp (canine megaesophagus Education and Research project). I

dropped that dream while dealing with my own depression and wondered

if I would ever pick up the ball and move forward again. Little by

little... it will happen.

The URL is http://www.caninemegaesophagus.org -- then go to Eva's

page if you would like to read the material. Please put your thinking

caps on about material suggestions and let me hear from you

(pegmcintyre1@...).

Also -- wish I could read more and really catch up on everyone's

happenings, but only had a moment to read Vicki's post. Eva (a dog,

obviously) also suffered from Celiac -- that was my first dx early

on, well before the megaesophagus (also congenital though) was

confirmed via diagnostics. Allergies also played a serious role,

which became incresingly clear (both environmental (season changes

were rough (!)), and nutritional allergies.

All my best to each and every one of you! Zen and prayers for all who

are experiencing difficult times.

Most sincerely,

Peg McIntyre

December 5, 2010

Hi ,

Hmmm. That feeling of seeing people you haven't seen in a while hit a nerve....

I've been known to devote a lot of mental energy to trying to decide when people

last saw me--was it at my lowest, ~4 years ago? At my highest (a peak around 20

years ago and again ~7 years ago)? Was it when I started my regain this time

around? Was it my recent high weight, after I started a new job and gave up on

myself, but before I found IOWL???? Was it after, when I got down to my current

weight?? And if I happen to be squeezing a couple of visits in, I practically

need an excel sheet to keep track of which people I meet will be congratulating

me on my weight loss (when I feel heavy) or carefully avoiding the topic (when I

feel like I've finally started losing again).

Add to that all the food issues that go with visiting friends and

relations--even without holidays thrown in--and it's not surprising that those

of us with food issues feel like diving into the food and staying there until,

say, Valentine's Day....

I just got back home after ~10 days of travel. This included all of the above

scenarios. Those who saw me and thought I looked great, a friend with weight

issues herself who probably calculated to the ounce how much more I weighed than

last time, those who have mostly seen me at my current weight (which is probably

my average adult weight, so they've missed the peaks and valleys somehow). But

for once, I didn't get myself worked up in that " what will they say " frenzy.

Objectively, I know I could lose a few pounds. Subjectively, I don't care. I'm

really happy in my own skin for the first time in ages. IOWL makes the

difference....

Not that it's automatic--I have to remember to do the success journal, the

redos, the renewing. I have to actively do EFT when I feel there's something

brewing. (Or even when I don't feel it....) And I listened to podcasts through

much of the 12-hour flight to my first stop.... Because of this preparation, I

felt relaxed enough that I was able to enjoy foods I don't get very often, and

had no problem leaving extra food on my plate.

Sometimes I wonder if this relaxed feeling is only internal, or if it leaks out.

To my great surprise, I have proof that it shows. I have *NEVER* seen so many

pictures of myself that I really liked. It's not a matter of size. In some of

these pictures I look pretty slim. Others clearly show my problem areas....

OTOH, when I was at that low weight a few years ago, there was still something

sort of tense or reserved or insecure that came through in pictures, whether or

not I was smiling. In the recent pictures, I look happy.

So getting back to YOU--what can you do to prepare for the holidays? I highly

recommend EFT (introduced in podcasts 40-42, I think). Here are a few

suggestions, based on your email, but I'm sure you can come up with more:

* Even though there's not enough time to get slim and fit before I see these

people again, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

* Even though I'm worried about what people will say or think when they see me,

I choose to eat in a naturally slender way.

* Even though I am gaining weight, I deeply and completely love and accept

myself.

* Even though I feel a sense of urgency about losing weight, I choose to eat in

a naturally slender way.

(Someone recently suggested that the first part should only use emotions, so you

could use " Even though I'm afraid there's not enough time... " or " Even though I

hate that I am gaining weight " ... I tend to mix it up. See what works for

you....)

Before you go, do some re-dos on recent events where you think you could have

chosen different options. Do some pre-dos on events or meals (or times between

meals when there's food around) that are on your schedule.

Plan for renewing. If you aren't sure you'll be able to schedule your normal

renewal activities, try to reframe some other events as renewing. (Like when DD

decided that shopping... in NYC... on Black Friday... would be a cool thing to

do, I decided to look on it as a once-in-a-lifetime mother-daughter bonding

experience, so Macy's on 34th street was renewing rather than something that

made me run away screaming. Heh. But definitely once-in-a-lifetime!! LOL!)

And let's say that worse comes to worst. Cousins make fun of your weight gain.

Grandma suggests you shouldn't get dessert. Your fat friend sees you as a new

member of the team, and drags you off to an all-you-can-eat buffet full of food

you normally wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. And you give in.

You are still worthy.

You still have your center--even if it's a little hard to find. You can pull

yourself back, one step at a time. You will have learned something which you

will be able to apply another time. You will be able to self-correct.I wonder if

this is part of what you need to add to your relaxed intent, when you let go?

This reminder that life is not black and white. There are shades of gray.... and

even... color.

Happy holidays,

________________________________

From: <iowliowl@...>

weightloss

Sent: Mon, December 6, 2010 5:45:29 AM

Subject: Long overdue post

Hi everyone,

I posted a while back now and I've been a message board lurker and now I'd like

to officially post again.

I have been listening to 's postcasts for over a year now and I must say

that the most notable change is the increased ability to drop inside and

identify what is going on with me, which has been awesome. I'm very grateful for

all that she has taught me and I look forward to continuing to move forward.

That being said, I'm still struggling tremendously, especially lately. I am

gaining weight quite rapidly which makes some of my newfound self acceptance

feel like its waning. I'm not feeling so much of a relaxed intent for wanting to

get down to my slim weight that I haven't been to in 4 years but instead an

urgency. With the holidays fast approaching, I will very soon be going back home

and seeing many people I haven't seen in a while now and I feel like 3 weeks

isn't enough time to get slim and fit! Anyone else feeling this???

I will say I have definitely had less interest in spontaneous overeating but

parties have spurred a little of it and then I use the " screw it this day is

ruined " attitude which is never helpful! I've gone to bed with food coma and

woken up with food hangover a lot lately, Ugh.

The interesting part is that I don't hate myself as much as I have in the past

but I still really want to be slim. Like a lot. I enjoyed life so much more

then! But I guess the idea is to enjoy life now, huh?

Ok enough rambling for me. But thanks to everyone who posts on here. Coming here

and reading all of this has made me feel so much less alone. The reality is we

are all great and just need to work together to free ourselves from this

struggle!

~

December 5, 2010