My Story: Am not ashamed of myself . Hotel India Victor..

[Guest guest]

My Story: Am not ashamed of myself

By Abraham Kurian

I am a young and energetic ex-Army personnel. When in 1993, I was

admitted at Command Hospital, Pune, due to viral fever, I did not

think that I had HIV in me.

Doctors and others did loads of tests on me. Everything was well

within the normal range. But doctors were surprised that I continued

to have fever for the seventh day and so my doctor referred me for an

ELISA.

I knew that the test was to find if I had HIV, the virus that causes

AIDS. I believed that I could never be HIV positive so I consented

for testing.

The wait for the test results was excruciating and instilled fear in

me. They did not give me my results even after a week.

At the end of the week while the doctors were quizzing me about my

lifestyle, the doctor who was in-charge of me told the other

doctor: " 'Hotel India Victor. " .

They thought I wouldn't make sense of the phrase. But he was wrong,

being an Army personnel I was well aware of code languages; I could

put things together and was sure that I was infected with HIV. Hotel

India Victor kept rininging in my ears for some time to come.

Later in the week I got a call from the Head of the Dept of

Microbiology, Armed Forces Medical College (AFMC), Pune. He told me

that there was 'some problem' with my blood.

They still hadn't revealed my test results to me. On the day of my

discharge from the hospital the ward nurse walked up to me and gave

me a piece of advice. She asked me to leave behind the life I was

leading until then.

" Lead a good life from now on, " she told me. I was a little

uncomfortable when I heard that from her.

I got back to my unit. Even before I could tell anything about my HIV

status everyone in my unit knew about it. It made things very

difficult for me. I felt lonely. I could not hold on to my senses any

longer. I felt frustrated with everything.

When my friend visited me I told him everything that happened in the

course of the past two weeks.

He said he will stand by me no matter what happened to me. His

support changed my attitude to life. I now firmly believe that if you

need to overcome any situation you have to live it, if you are

worried about death, it will reach you nowhere.

But I still had some fear left in me. Due to all that burden of

secrecy and fear about my status, I got tuberculosis just a month

after my diagnosis.

I was admitted in Military Hospital and I continued medication for TB

for nine months. Meanwhile, I was invalidated out of Army services on

medical grounds.

The irony is that I continued medication for three months and was

completely cured of TB and I was fit as anyone else in my unit.

Now that I had no job, what could I expect from my life? Afterall, I

was dying. I was waiting for death and I forgot to live. It went on

for a year.

I began thinking 'what if death does not come?' Then this could go on

for years and at the end of it all I would have done nothing. I had

to do something about this situation; I pushed away the thoughts of

death. I decided to live my life.

I found a job with a private company. While I was working I met an

office-bearer of Indian Network for People living with HIV/AIDS

(INP+). This was a turning point in my life.

INP+ offered me a job for a year. As I nurtured the desire to impart

my life's experiences to other people, I saw this as an avenue to a

new life. I made lasting friendships and bonds, which made me

stronger in my convictions in life about positive living.

I know that INP+ made me what I am now; INP+ has re-established my

life. I am not ashamed about my HIV status any more, I am very open

about it and I cherish those moments in my life where I bring hope

into the lives of fellow positive people.

Gone are the days when I used to think that treatment is not possible

and that there is no cure for HIV. I know that nothing is impossible;

my mission in life is that everyone who is HIV positive gets

Antiretroviral treatment.

I think treatment is foremost for a person who has tested positive

for HIV. Treatment can make life more beautiful. What if I don't have

treatment now, I am well on track and all my energies are focussed

into accessing Antiretroviral Treatment.

(The author is the president of Indian Network for People Living with

HIV/AIDS (INP+)

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