Re: Re: Dr. Advises Mom to Dump her Autistic Child

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

It seems like you must have some really bad institutions

over there. There are many kids that are abandoned at diagnosis, nobody

seems to care about them, the poorer families either. Most never HEARING

about the likes of ABA/Greenspan/Wakefield/Rimland etc ....also I believe the

majority of autistic children never learn to speak and have other behaviours

which render it impossible for them to function in a 'normal' world without

specialist care 24 hours a day. Single parents, also, what of them? Parents

who have disabilities themselves? I am both a single parent and disabled. I

also run a free support and information on the subject of autism. I am not

about to 'dump' my kid, in fact I have fought a 6 year custody battle

(involving 38 court hearings) and won, as well as run a government funded

home-based program which I had to fight like a demon to win, and made legal

history in doing so. I have need of respite, I am not made of iron. My child

is the happiest child I have ever met, we laugh and hug and he's wonderful,

but he loves people, I taught him how by making him laugh and playing with

him all the time (before he was diagnosed he was addicted to the VCR..well

you can TURN THAT OFF, it is known that too much TV can inhibit a childs'

development. However, my son has a big daddy. Daddy wants junior in a

'residential special school' and mum here is saying 'not yet'...but I have to

face reality here, my son will be a 6 ft huge guy, and climbing on my lap!!

(he is retarded) he pours juice all over the place (for fun, not meaning

damage) ...well, everything gets poured and smeared all over the place, walls

smeared etc (he's very experimental) but I cannot cope with this forever!! I

should not be expected to! I love my son dearly, and I know what is best for

all of us, and that may mean a residential placement eventually. It is so

wrong to critisize 'institutions' when there are very dedicated and loving

people working with kids like ours in these schools, and getting peanuts for

doing so. There are hundreds of thousands of staff around the world who would

just vomit at your criticisms. Take a visit to these places so you can see

for yourself what goes on. You may have to use one one day. Best wishes,

Liz Lucy.

[Guest guest]

I heard the tail end of this conversation and I thought Dr. was out of

line. The caller did not say " what should I do with the rest of my child's

and my life? " She was merely looking for " permission " to attend a party. Dr.

was out of line with a comment to suggest institutionalization when

that was not the dilemma the caller had.

Once I had a friend who suggested that if she and her husband knew their

child would be autistic while in the womb, they'd abort it. These were the

cruelest words anyone could say to me, but any unsolicted advise usually

stems from absolute ignorance. Dr. 's unsolicited advise about placement

for this child stemmed from ignorance as well.

[Guest guest]

Sandy:

Dr. laura did not even ask what treatments she had tried for her son.

During the conversation, said that her son was doing better and then

slipped back. Maybe there was another cause for her son to be slipping

back. I don't think the answer is getting rid of him. Yes, she deserves a

life but God gave her this child and he is her responsibilty. There are

many alternative treatments for autism and one should never lose hope.

Especially if the child was doing better and then faultered.

explained that she trying different doctors, so maybe did not find

the right doctor yet, but that in no way means one should put the son in a

facility. Dr. is obviosly misinformed about autism. It is not a

death sentence nor should a mother be incouraged to give up hope on her

child especially if he is NOT a danger to himself or others. What do you

think would happen if every parent who had disabled child got rid of that

child and then bought a new dress and went out to dinner? Give me a break.

The mother should buy a new dress and she should try and rejuvinate herself,

Yes! But her in-laws should have planned the party in an appopriate place

where she could have brought her son if they at all cared about her and her

children.

Putting her child away might seem easier than seeking out the appropriate

treatment, trying harder, asking for help, ect, ect, but guess what? Life

aint easy. Apapt and deal, thats what we are all trying to do here. we

love our kids. Abandoning them is NOT THE ANSWER unless there is an obvious

danger to the child himself or her family.

Dr. laura had no right in advising this woman to put her son in a facility

without knowing ANY facts about this child, autism, or what treatments she

has tried.

It was not reasonable by any means.

Re: Dr. Advises Mom to Dump her Autistic Child

> From: " SandyD " <sandy@...>

>

> I listened to the ENTIRE recording of this portion of the

> radio program. I take issue with the title of the message going out

> that this person advocated " dumping " her child. The title is

> misleading and unnecessarily inflammatory. In fact, I think the

> conversation was completely reasonable, and the position portrayed in

> this article will only heap more guilt upon families who are facing

> or have already had to make this difficult decision.

>

> Because of the source of the information (FEAT) I hope that people

> will not associate this type of knee-jerk reaction with FEAT

> organizations.

>

> Before descending upon the broadcaster in indignation, I reccommend

> that you at first LISTEN to the program at the URL provided in the

> " FEATNEWS " article and formulate your own opinion.

>

> Sandy

>

> On 29 Jul 99 FEAT (FEAT <onelist>) wrote:

> __________________________________________________________

> > Dr. Advises Mom to Dump her Autistic Child

> > Thursday, July 29, 1999

> >

> > Prominent radio talk show host Dr. Schlessinger today advises

> > a mother with an autistic child to place her child in an institution

> > so that she can " have a life. "

> >

>

>

> ---------------------------

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/30/99 4:33:33 PM EST, Valleyhts@... writes:

<< The caller did not say " what should I do with the rest of my child's

and my life? " She was merely looking for " permission " to attend a party. Dr.

was out of line with a comment to suggest institutionalization when

that was not the dilemma the caller had. >>

These were my thoughts too. I was thinking after reading it online why

couldn't she have just said go out and have a great time, tomorrow take your

kids out and have a great time. There that is simple and everyone is happy.

steph

[Guest guest]

Dear Liz:

I think we have a misunderstanding here. I am not putting down any

facilities nor am I putting down the parents that have to make that

decision. I understand that sometimes that has to be done.

What I was trying to convey is that someone like Dr. should not be

advising someone to put their child in an institution unless they are

qualified to make that reccomendation. which Dr. is not.

I seemed to have struck a nerve here and I apologize if my message sounded

as if I thought all parents should never consider an institution or that I

thought out of home care is unproductive. That's really not what I meant at

all.

You sound to me like someone who has done much research and has thought long

and hard about your situation and what to do about it. After 10 weeks

though, I do not feel Dr. laura should have reccomened an institution.

I hope this clears the air.

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/31/99 02:45:13 GMT Daylight Time, wingding@...

writes:

> From: " Bukitt " <wingding@...>

>

> Geraldo took a visit to one of the institutions, and I will tell you

> the way people are treated is criminal. MB

.....How so ? Liz Lucy.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/31/99 03:02:30 GMT Daylight Time, wingding@...

writes:

> Don't most of us get at

> least 20 hours a month of respite provided through early intervention

> programs?

....No, this is not common, only it may seem so on the web . Liz Lucy.

[Guest guest]

, this is terrible news to me (and I am sure everyone in the United

Kingdom) have you taken any action against these criminals???? (or do you

know of anyone who has taken action, I would like to lend support)....I

cannot believe this sort of crime is allowed in the US today.

Thank you for the information, I will certainly write to your president if I

can find any evidence to support your statement. Thank you for enlightening

me to this tragedy.

Best wishes, Liz lucy.

[Guest guest]

Here in our County in MD respite care used to start at $2.50 per hour or it

depended on the household income (not taking into consideration household

debt or siblings). Thus, in 1994 an overnight stay at the respite care house

was not unusually $65.00.

[Guest guest]

Geraldo took a visit to one of the institutions, and I will tell you

the way people are treated is criminal. MB

Re: Re: Dr. Advises Mom to Dump her Autistic Child

>From: Lizanj@...

>

>

>

>Dear ,

> It seems like you must have some really bad institutions

>over there. There are many kids that are abandoned at diagnosis, nobody

>seems to care about them, the poorer families either. Most never HEARING

>about the likes of ABA/Greenspan/Wakefield/Rimland etc ....also I believe

the

>majority of autistic children never learn to speak and have other

behaviours

>which render it impossible for them to function in a 'normal' world without

>specialist care 24 hours a day. Single parents, also, what of them? Parents

>who have disabilities themselves? I am both a single parent and disabled. I

>also run a free support and information on the subject of autism. I am not

>about to 'dump' my kid, in fact I have fought a 6 year custody battle

>(involving 38 court hearings) and won, as well as run a government funded

>home-based program which I had to fight like a demon to win, and made legal

>history in doing so. I have need of respite, I am not made of iron. My

child

>is the happiest child I have ever met, we laugh and hug and he's wonderful,

>but he loves people, I taught him how by making him laugh and playing with

>him all the time (before he was diagnosed he was addicted to the VCR..well

>you can TURN THAT OFF, it is known that too much TV can inhibit a childs'

>development. However, my son has a big daddy. Daddy wants junior in a

>'residential special school' and mum here is saying 'not yet'...but I have

to

>face reality here, my son will be a 6 ft huge guy, and climbing on my lap!!

>(he is retarded) he pours juice all over the place (for fun, not meaning

>damage) ...well, everything gets poured and smeared all over the place,

walls

>smeared etc (he's very experimental) but I cannot cope with this forever!!

I

>should not be expected to! I love my son dearly, and I know what is best

for

>all of us, and that may mean a residential placement eventually. It is so

>wrong to critisize 'institutions' when there are very dedicated and loving

>people working with kids like ours in these schools, and getting peanuts

for

>doing so. There are hundreds of thousands of staff around the world who

would

>just vomit at your criticisms. Take a visit to these places so you can see

>for yourself what goes on. You may have to use one one day. Best

wishes,

>Liz Lucy.

>

>---------------------------

[Guest guest]

Yep. That is what " respite " providers are for. Don't most of us get at

least 20 hours a month of respite provided through early intervention

programs?

Re: Re: Dr. Advises Mom to Dump her Autistic Child

>From: A1a2ana3@...

>

>In a message dated 7/30/99 4:33:33 PM EST, Valleyhts@... writes:

>

><< The caller did not say " what should I do with the rest of my child's

> and my life? " She was merely looking for " permission " to attend a party.

Dr.

> was out of line with a comment to suggest institutionalization when

> that was not the dilemma the caller had. >>

>

>These were my thoughts too. I was thinking after reading it online why

>couldn't she have just said go out and have a great time, tomorrow take

your

>kids out and have a great time. There that is simple and everyone is happy.

>steph

>

>---------------------------

[Guest guest]

Hosed with cold water for a " bath " from a garden hose, pulled by the hair,

floor restraints, etc. Last year 143 handicapped individuals (documented)

were killed by " restraints " , most were in institutions. There is a web site

if you wish to read stories and see pictures. I think it is

www.yourkidsmykids.com but I may have it reversed. Even more were injured.

You had to die to make the statisitic mentioned above. Rick Tallman can

tell you how his 12 year old son died. I have his e-mail address.

Re: Re: Dr. Advises Mom to Dump her Autistic Child

>From: Lizanj@...

>

>In a message dated 7/31/99 02:45:13 GMT Daylight Time,

wingding@...

>writes:

>

>> From: " Bukitt " <wingding@...>

>>

>> Geraldo took a visit to one of the institutions, and I will tell

you

>> the way people are treated is criminal. MB

>

>....How so ? Liz Lucy.

>

>---------------------------

[Guest guest]

The Tallman family got an undisclosed settlement, but for the most part,

these cases were never pressed to the courts, and charges are pending

further investigation. They were listed as accidental deaths, even the girl

who was bleeding from the mouth from her broken ribs was shoved into a room

alone and bled to death. (age 13). Also sickening are the rape of female

residents, who were not able to tell of their attack. A local home for

autistic adults was just closed here for abuses. They had the nerve to

videotape an autistic 33 year old man getting hosed down naked in the yard

with cold water using a spray gun on his gentiles. This is one reason the

idea of placing our children in these places makes me sick. MB

Re: Re: Dr. Advises Mom to Dump her Autistic Child

>From: Lizanj@...

>

>

>, this is terrible news to me (and I am sure everyone in the United

>Kingdom) have you taken any action against these criminals???? (or do you

>know of anyone who has taken action, I would like to lend support)....I

>cannot believe this sort of crime is allowed in the US today.

>Thank you for the information, I will certainly write to your president if

I

>can find any evidence to support your statement. Thank you for enlightening

>me to this tragedy.

>Best wishes, Liz lucy.

>

>---------------------------

[Guest guest]

To lend your support to stop abuses, a crusade is being led by a mom who's

daughter was abused. Write to jbowman@... . She is suing her

child's abusers and the school district that allowed it. MB

Re: Re: Dr. Advises Mom to Dump her Autistic Child

>From: Lizanj@...

>

>

>, this is terrible news to me (and I am sure everyone in the United

>Kingdom) have you taken any action against these criminals???? (or do you

>know of anyone who has taken action, I would like to lend support)....I

>cannot believe this sort of crime is allowed in the US today.

>Thank you for the information, I will certainly write to your president if

I

>can find any evidence to support your statement. Thank you for enlightening

>me to this tragedy.

>Best wishes, Liz lucy.

>

>---------------------------

[Guest guest]

We have the choice of having a vendored respite come and stay with the child

in his own home, or we can hire our own respite (relatives included) and the

regional center pays by check once a month, payable to 2 parties.

Re: Re: Dr. Advises Mom to Dump her Autistic Child

>From: Virri345@...

>

>Here in our County in MD respite care used to start at $2.50 per hour or it

>depended on the household income (not taking into consideration household

>debt or siblings). Thus, in 1994 an overnight stay at the respite care

house

>was not unusually $65.00.

>

>---------------------------