Re: India's school for brides (A one act play !)

[Guest guest]

Hello to the forum,

I am also having to learn much about the process of family and marriage.

Some times I am involved in counselling and I just wrote a one act play of

sorts to try to illustrate, from a real instance, what the guys in this

culural tradition have to go through as well as the ladies. Please read on.

Identifying features have been changed to protect anonymity. I would value

some comments from others about this process of arranging marriages.

Particularly about whther this is typical or whether the rules and

expectations are changing. I am particularly interested in it from the

prospective of the oldest versus the youngest siblings as well.

Please read on : . . . . .

A One Act Play

Father: Well son how are your studies going

Eldest Son: Well as you know I have just finished the final year in my

graduate course but my results are not in yet.

Father: Well I am not getting any younger and I think it is time you were

married.

Eldest Son: But Dad I am not yet ready to get married. I am not sure of how

well I did in my course and whether I might need to do some post graduate

study to set myself up for a good future.

Father: But son I have been negotiating for a wife for you to choose since

I know that your studies are coming to an end and I want to be able to see

my eldest son married before anything happens to me.

Eldest Son: But Dad I don’t want to get married yet

Father: Well I’ve got the first young lady selected and I want you to at

least see her and tell me what you think. She is not all that beautiful in

features but she is keen to marry and please a good husband.

Eldest Son: Ok Dad I will see her but I really need more time to decide if I

want to settle down

Father: Well don’t forget that I am not getting any younger and I want to

see at least my eldest son happily married before I stop working. I will

probably sell the business and just retire and wait for the grandchildren to

come for us to love.

Scene change A week later in the early evening

Son meets the first lady in the list

Father: Well son what did you think?

Eldest Son: Dad I think this lady is a little too dark skinned for me and I

don’t think we have enough in common.

Father: OK son I understand. Well the next girl is better. She is more

wheatish looking and a little more attractive and by the way she is a doctor

by profession

Eldest Son: But Dad I am still deciding what extra study I might need to do

to make my qualifications more useful and I think I need some more time to

decide.

Father: Please meet the lady and then tell me whether you like her or not.

If you don’t like her I look for someone else.

Eldest Son: OK Dad when do I have to meet her.

Father: In two evenings she will be available I will arrange a meeting.

Now it seems that the friends of the prospective groom have been primed to

support the agreement to take a wife. They are all ringing and saying how

great it will be to have a wife to come home to. Don’t worry if you aren’t

sure just wait until you have the first night in the marriage bed then you

will know it is the right thing to do.

Word spreads around the town that K is getting married and all are

congratulating him and asking if he has made a choice yet.

Eldest son seeks counselling: How I can stop this process until I am ready

Counsellor: Be polite to the girls when you meet them and keep talking about

your plans for some post graduate education and that it might be in an

overseas university which would make the decision to get married now a very

lonely experience for the new bride who would be expected to come and stay

with her in-laws until you return.

Counsellor: I wonder what the girls think about this partner parade.

Especially the ones that are rejected. How do the girls feel about this

process?

Eldest Son: Well girls are expected to be available to marry and have

someone to take care of. That is what they are trained to do. It is their

expectation. If the first prospect is not suited then they wait until

another one is introduced.

Counsellor: What about their own careers?

Eldest Son: Well some can continue to work but most would be wanting to

just please their husband and do whatever he wants.

Adapted from a 2004 scenario

Geoff Heaviside

E-mail: <gheaviside@...>

[Guest guest]

Good Play,

Do I mean that in India, woman has no say in the important decisions like her

own marriage? The story reveals the same. She is taught that she is there just

to please her husband in any possible way. There is no value of her wish and

even not enough places are provided to her to speak out her concerns.

Well, I strongly feel that the trainers need to undergo intensive sensitization

workshops on issues such as gender, sexual and reproductive rights.

Local organizations should take initiatives in breaking the ice and starting the

dialoged with the authorities. The organizations having experience in woman

issues can really make a difference by networking with local organizations.

Let me know what other feel about it.

Best regards

Farhad Ali

Modicare Foundation

New Delhi

E-mail: <farhadali4u@...>