India's school for brides

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India's school for brides teaches servitude but no sex

Mon May 10, 1:17 AM ET

BHOPAL, India (AFP) - A school for brides in the central Indian

state of Madhya Pradesh teaches women how to be ideal wives by

serving their husband and his family -- but keeps sex off the

curriculum.

The 18-year-old Manju Sanskar Kendra (Manju Traditional School)

funded by businessmen in the state capital, Bhopal, aims to smooth a

bride's path with a special three-month training course which

includes cooking, sewing and daily prayers.

The school charges no fees and boasts of having trained over 4,000

girls between the ages of 18 to 21.

" Most of our students are young women who are engaged. Very often

their future in-laws ask them to enroll, " said 52-year-old Bhau

Ayildas Hemani, director of the centre.

" We teach the women to serve their husbands with body and soul and

win laurels from God. We tell them to be polite to their in-laws at

all times and endure little things while adjusting to their new

home, " he added.

Many brides move into their husband's paternal home in line with

rigid Indian traditions but some set up separate households

reflecting the creeping breakdown of the Hindu joint family system.

" The joint family will remain intact if you imbibe Indian " sanskars "

(culture) from our great religious books, " Hemani told a a batch of

35 girls who sat cross-legged on the floor before low-slung wooden

tables, drinking in every word.

Hemani's students start their classes at seven every morning. After

lectures imbued with religious and marital wisdom, they sing

devotional songs and prepare food in the school kitchen.

However the bridal finishing school manages to avoid one of the key

issues in any marriage, and does not give any sex education or talk

about safe sex.

" At the school we've been told to please our husbands at all times

and have children, which I suppose means sex, " said 22-year-old

Bharti Devlani.

" Bhau has never spoken about HIV/AIDS, " she added.

India has a serious AIDS problem with an estimated 4.58 million

infected people, the second highest number in the world after South

Africa which has five million.

Ritu Tuli, senior councillor at the All India Womens Conference,

criticised the school for failing to educate the young women about

safe sex and putting such stress on " patience and obedience. "

" It's an opportunity missed. The school could have really helped the

girls by educating them about safe sex. Why treat it like something

that is only between the bees and the birds? " said Tuli.

" Moreover, this is the 21st century. No institution should brainwash

women and harp on 'serving' husbands. Are wives slaves? Does society

want supine women? " she asked. " How will they resist dowry or other

domestic abuse? "

Despite being banned in the 1980s, it remains common for the family

of the groom in India's male-dominated society to demand dowry in

the form of cash or gifts or both before the wedding.

Official figures show the number of women killed by their in-laws

who say they have not provided a sufficiently big dowry rose to

around 7,000 last year from 5,500 in 1996.

Anti-dowry activists and legal experts say the actual toll is much

higher.

" Thousands of women are doused with kerosene and set on fire by

their greedy husbands and his family. Most of these dowry-related

deaths are passed off as kitchen accidents, " said S.A Lalitha of New

Delhi's Lawyers Collective.

Hemani defended his teachings.

" I don't tell my students to suffer " atyachar " (atrocities). I don't

tell them to keep trying to float in the marital tank if the water

is reaching their nose and they're about to drown, " Hemani said.

" I have one daughter and I raised her with Indian values -- the same

ones I am trying to pass on to my students. I teach them the

important lessons about give-and-take, " he said.

" The girls will have to make a few adjustments to live peacefully in

their new homes. If they do it well, they will win great love. "

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