Re: Hamburg Toad Deaths found to be all in Toads' heads.

[Guest guest]

Serena, that's a hoot!

[Guest guest]

Hah!

I almost bust a gut laughing!

" CFSer Mysteriously Explodes "

-

[Guest guest]

The toads are probably suffering from deconditioning and should be getting more

exercise. Studies performed on their human counterparts indicate that Graded

Exercise Therapy will not only increase the toad's sense of well-being, but

various government agencies will also feel really quite good about their

attempts to get to the bottom of this little-understood toad health problem and

will give endless series of Powerpoint presentations to one another on the

subject in resort-like settings. Alternative therapies such as a fly-free diet

and avoidance of areas where toads normally explode have not been shown to have

any direct benefit. Although the cause of remains unknown, the condition is

thought to be caused by a combination of factors. Many exploded toads are

thought to be rather high-strung and may have been involved in a hopping mishap

at onset, while other toads explode more gradually. Although members of the

public have been alarmed, environmental factors would be extremely rare

and should be thoroughly discounted. More research is needed.

As a self-reported condition, explosion criteria for study should be narrowed to

exclude toads which may not explode on schedule or in the desired locations.

Although the condition will be known as Exploding Toad Disease in most

countries, the CDC is not happy with that name, and will insist on listing the

condition as Fat Lazy Malingering Toad Syndrome, or FLMTS - which may or may

not be scientifically correct and which may possibly annoy the affected toads.

However, until the precise viral cause of the condition has been determined, the

toads are advised to deal. For the present, treatment of symptoms with naphtha

or club soda is recommended. Toads should be encouraged to maintain a healthier

lifestyle and consume " young " foods such as larvae, avoid tobacco and alcohol

products, and look both ways when crossing the street.

Serena

www.freeboards.net/index.php?mforum=sickgovernmentb

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Exploding Toads who have self-reported their concerns to elected

officials are also advised to please contact the appropriate member of

the electorate, which in all cases, is Someone Else.

All ETS, FLMTS, or other Toadlike Explosive conditions will need to be

reported via registered mail to Mr. Else to have any hope of

triggering a response. However, be advised this will primarily be as a

response to CYA, and not entailing a subtantiative action. Calls,

emails, hand carried letters, petitions, and personal meetings are

ineffective and are to be discouraged, as we don't really want to

interact with you Toads anyway, you have warts.

[Guest guest]

Thank you, thank you so much! Your " article " was written so

well and gave me the best laugh I've had in awhile! Reminded

me of " Hichhiker's Guide to the Gallexy, " have you seen the movie?

Thanks again...

> Update: 5/3/05

>

> " Theories abound, but German conservationists struggle to find

> convincing explanation for amphibian Armageddon "

>

> Scientist say toads have been given Ige tests, MRI's, CT scans. They

have

> also been tested for MS, AIDs, carpel tunnel syndrome and all other

testings

> with high billing ratios. None of these tests have provided

explaination as to

> why thest toads chose to explode.

>

> In a double blind placebo test, based on a resent study of Chronic

Fatigue

> Suffers, who also do not show illness based on the above referenced

tests, it

> has been concluded that the Hamburg toads simply think they are

exploding.

>

> In the recent CFS study, suffers of this syndrome were less likely to

> imagine themselves well after receiving placebo than other nutcases

who also just

> imagine their illnesses. Researchers determined this is because CFS

suffers

> are so certain in their dillusions of illnesses, that no amount of

any type of

> medicine would take away their irrational psychotic feelings of being

> physically ill.

>

> Similarly, the Hamburg toads did not respond well to a double blind

placebo

> test and continued to think they were exploding, even though

medical testing

> proved there was nothing to substanciate why these toads would explode.

>

> The authors propose several possible explanations for the

surprisingly low

> placebo response revealed in the analysis. Perhaps toads have low

expectations

> due to the reality that exploding is very difficult to treat.

Alternatively,

> disconnects between how toads and doctors view the illness " may impede

> development of a collaborative therapeutic relationship to get

these toads to stop

> thinking they are exploding, " reviewers suggest. The authors say

the reason

> may be that many of the toads seen in specialist settings or

self-help groups

> " have a firm conviction that their illness is of physical origin "

and thus

> would have little faith in psychiatric/psychological treatments.

>

> " It must be all in their heads " said Dr. Heduperas. " The frogs that

are

> living in the same environment are just fine. The only logical

explaination is

> that these toads are phychologically troubled. " The doctor went on

to say, " If

> we don't understand why something is happening and we have no

testing to

> confirm illness, then obviously, the illness does not exist. "

>

> No further study or research will be done on the matter. Because

everyone

> now understands these Hamburg toads are just flat out crazy!

>

> Original articles:

>

> By Tony Paterson in Hamburg

> (Filed: 01/05/2005)

>

> http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?

> xml=/news/2005/05/01/wtoad01.xml & sSheet=/news/2005/05/01/ixworld.html

>

> On the grassy banks of Hamburg's newly-dubbed Pond of Death, Werner

> Smolnik is surveying the aftermath of amphibian Armageddon.

>

>

>

> Hundreds of blackened and dismembered corpses litter the ground,

> barely recognisable as the bodies of toads.

>

> Mr Smolnik is a senior figure in Hamburg nature protection but was

> powerless to prevent - and even now cannot explain - the

> extraordinary phenomenon of exploding toads which has plagued this

> normally tranquil spot in recent days. It has left scientists and

> naturalists baffled.

>

> " I could hardly believe what I saw, " said Mr Smolnik, 55, who was

> among the first to witness it.

>

> " Dozens of toads were crawling out of the water. They were puffed up

> to almost three times their normal size and making strange

> screeching noises. Then they just started popping. Some just

> went 'phut!' and their guts spewed out, but others literally

> exploded, showering the place with bits of innards. My trousers were

> covered in toad entrails. "

>

> Alarm bells began to ring at the city hall, where officials

> dispatched an emergency team equipped to clear up chemical accidents

> to the scene of the disaster, believing that both toads and pond

> must have fallen victim to industrial pollution.

>

> The contents of the pond were pumped into a road tanker and exploded

> toads sent to laboratories for examination. The pond was declared

> off limits to the public as theories and rumour spread through

> Hamburg: was the city in the grip of an epidemic similar to " bird

> flu " , in which deadly toad viruses could be transferred to humans?

>

> Last week, some two weeks after the first toad was seen to explode,

> German biologists and wildlife conservationists were still uncertain

> as to the cause of the carnage. An estimated 1,000 toads died in the

> space of a week, but frogs were unaffected.

>

> " All we know for sure is that the toads started exploding right in

> the middle of their mating season, which only lasts about a week, "

> Mr Smolnik said. " It seems to have occurred just after the creatures

> went into the water to spawn, but now that the mating season is

> over, it's stopped completely. "

>

> Vets at the city's Environmental Institute for Hygiene carried out

> exhaustive tests on the pond water but found no evidence of harmful

> bacteria or fungal infections that could have affected the toads.

>

> Anke Himmelreich, one of the vets who conducted the tests, suggested

> that they might have been attacked by birds. The skin on all the

> corpses they examined bore incision marks, she said, and most of the

> amphibians had nothing left in their bodies but the heart.

>

> " We think that birds may have attacked the toads and eaten much of

> their entrails, " she said. " It is possible that the toads survived

> the attacks and then filled up with water through the incision made

> in their bodies. After that they simply burst open. "

>

> A team of biologists in Berlin agreed that every corpse they

> examined bore marks indicating pecking.

>

> Their explanation, however, failed to convince Mr Smolnik. " About

> 1,000 toads were affected in this way, " he said. " If birds were

> responsible we would have seen them attacking the toads en masse,

> but we saw nothing of the kind. "

>

> He and fellow naturalists believe that the toad explosions were the

> result of a foreign virus or fungus that may have entered the pond

> via a stream flowing into it which runs through a nearby trotting

> race course.

>

> " Several of the race horses are imported from South America and we

> suspect that they may have inadvertently infected the pond, " he said.

>

> Late last week, the Pond of Death remained cordoned off, festooned

> with " Keep Out " signs. " We are still not one 100 per cent sure of

> the cause, " said Heidi Mayerhoefer, who is co-ordinating the toad

> investigation for the city authorities.

>

> She said that only one other instance of exploding amphibians had

> been recorded in Germany. In the eastern state of Brandenburg, a

> smaller outbreak occurred in the early 1990s which was attributed to

> hungry birds.

>

> Should the bird theory prove true, it will doubtless heighten

> Hamburg residents' anxieties about the feathered creatures. Two

> years ago, the city's crows gained notoriety after they mysteriously

> attacked joggers, Hitchcock-style, in a Hamburg park without warning.

>

> In the worst incident, about 20 crows " dive-bombed " passers-by,

> sending one woman screaming from the park with birds clinging to her

> hair, pecking at her face and ears. As with the toads, the cause

> remains a mystery.

>

>

>

> Chronic Fatigue Patients Show Lower Response To Placebos

> Date: 2005-04-21

> _http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2005/04/050420090825.htm_

> (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2005/04/050420090825.htm)

>

> Contrary to conventional wisdom, patients with chronic fatigue

> syndrome respond to placebos at a lower rate than people with many

> other illnesses, according to the first systematic review of the

> topic.

>

> According to the new analysis by Dr. Hyong Jin Cho of King's

> College London and colleagues, 19.6 percent of patients with chronic

fatigue

> syndrome improved after receiving inactive treatments,compared with

a widely

> accepted figure of about 30 percent for other conditions.

>

> Because the placebo effect seems to be strongest in diseases with

> highly subjective symptoms, some medical professionals believed it

> could be as high as 50 percent among CFS patients.

>

> The review, reported in the current issue of Psychosomatic

Medicine,pooled

> data from 29 studies in which 1,016 people with CFS received

various placebos.

>

> CFS is a complex illness that has no known cause or cure. Myriad

> symptoms include severe malaise, muscle and joint pain, sleep and mood

> disturbances and headache. The symptoms continue for at least six

months and

> cannot be explained by any other medical conditions. The Centers for

Disease

> Control and Prevention estimate that as many as 500,000 Americans

may have CFS or

> related conditions.

>

> With so many mysteries surrounding CFS, a great deal of controversy

> exists among both doctors and patients as to whether its origins are

> primarily psychological or physiological. Current evidence suggests

that emotional

> or social stresses such as bereavement or problems at work,

combined with

> other triggers such as common viral infections,contribute to the

disorder.

> Additional factors, such as avoidance of physical activity, may

cause the symptoms

> to become chronic, says Cho.

>

> The authors propose several possible explanations for the

surprisingly low

> placebo response revealed in the analysis. Perhaps patients have low

> expectations due to the reality that CFS is very difficult to treat

and often persists

> for many years. Alternatively, disconnects between how patients and

doctors

> view the illness " may impede development of a collaborative

therapeutic

> relationship, " reviewers suggest.

>

> The study also showed that the placebo response is 24 percent for

> medical interventions but only 14 percent for

> psychiatric/psychological treatments. The authors say the reason

may be that

> many CFS sufferers seen in specialist settings or self-help groups

" have a

> firm conviction that their illness is of physical origin " and thus

would have

> little faith in

> psychiatric/psychological treatments. This finding supports the

idea that

> the placebo response is greatly influenced by patients'

> expectations of improvement.

>

> According to the review, behavioral therapy and graded exercise

> therapy have benefits, and if patients were more aware of them, says

> Cho, they might be " more open, more optimistic, and more

> collaborative with the professionals, and the overall outcome of the

> treatments could be enhanced. "

>

> Dr. Lucinda Bateman, an internist who specializes in CFS and

> fibromyalgia and serves on the board of the American Association for

> Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, has worked with about 500 CFS patients over

> the past 15 years.

>

> " In my clinical experience, I have found that CFS is among the

> most difficult conditions to improve at all, with either physical or

> psychological interventions. " This is true in part, she says,

> because there is a great deal of variation among patients diagnosed

> with CFS, and Bateman believes that ultimately CFS may be found to

> involve more than one disease.

>

> In the absence of a cure, Bateman has found that the most effective

> treatment for CFS combines improving symptoms with medication, helping

> patients retain physical conditioning when possible and using

> psychological and psychiatric interventions to help patients adapt to

> living with chronic illness.

>

> She doesn't discount the placebo effect, however. " When you

> say to people, `I believe you, I will help you manage your

> symptoms, I will advocate for you,' that hope and feeling of

> control

> over their disease could be considered placebo effect, but it's an

> important part of delivering medical care. "

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks to you too!

--- In , SERENA EDWARDS <pushcrash@y...>

wrote:

> The toads are probably suffering from deconditioning and should be

getting more exercise. Studies performed on their human counterparts

indicate that Graded Exercise Therapy will not only increase the

toad's sense of well-being, but various government agencies will also

feel really quite good about their attempts to get to the bottom of

this little-understood toad health problem and will give endless

series of Powerpoint presentations to one another on the subject in

resort-like settings. Alternative therapies such as a fly-free diet

and avoidance of areas where toads normally explode have not been

shown to have any direct benefit. Although the cause of remains

unknown, the condition is thought to be caused by a combination of

factors. Many exploded toads are thought to be rather high-strung and

may have been involved in a hopping mishap at onset, while other toads

explode more gradually. Although members of the public have been

alarmed, environmental factors would be extremely rare

> and should be thoroughly discounted. More research is needed.

>

> As a self-reported condition, explosion criteria for study should be

narrowed to exclude toads which may not explode on schedule or in the

desired locations. Although the condition will be known as Exploding

Toad Disease in most countries, the CDC is not happy with that name,

and will insist on listing the condition as Fat Lazy Malingering Toad

Syndrome, or FLMTS - which may or may not be scientifically correct

and which may possibly annoy the affected toads. However, until the

precise viral cause of the condition has been determined, the toads

are advised to deal. For the present, treatment of symptoms with

naphtha or club soda is recommended. Toads should be encouraged to

maintain a healthier lifestyle and consume " young " foods such as

larvae, avoid tobacco and alcohol products, and look both ways when

crossing the street.

>

>

> Serena

> www.freeboards.net/index.php?mforum=si

ckgovernmentb

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

May 4, 2005

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

CDC (Center for Deceit Control)

UPDATE: Regarding Psychotic Hamburg Self Reporting Exploding Toads

In a move that implies trouble for Exploding Toads across the globe, the

Madhatter Institute has come out with yet another study regarding the

psychological implications of self understood physical illnesses.

Broken Bone Syndrome, commonly referred to as Broken BS, has been studied

extensively by toxicologist Phd's who have never seen an actual patient in

their entire lives. These knowledgeable Phd's have come to the conclusion that

Broken BS is a psychological manifestation, not physical. They are so

convinced of their understanding, they are willing to stand up in court and say

so,

to the tune of $900 per hour.

Supporting the most recent of many Broken BS studies that Phd's use in

courtrooms to support their position, is a study commissioned by the Madhatter

Institute, which states " It is highly implausible that those who have broken

bones would not benefit from being given placebo. "

Broker BS suffers were given a placebo in a double blind study. The vast

majority continued to believe they had a broken bone. The authors of the study

propose several possible explanations for the surprisingly low placebo

response revealed in the analysis. Perhaps those with broken bones have low

expectations due to the reality that broken bones are very difficult to treat

psychologically. Alternatively, disconnects between how those with broken bones

and

doctors view the illness " may impede development of a collaborative

therapeutic relationship to get these suffers to stop thinking they are

experiencing

a broken bone, " reviewers suggest. The authors say the reason may be that

many of the broken bs suffers seen in specialist settings or self-help groups

" have a firm conviction that their illness is of physical origin " and thus

would have little faith in psychiatric/psychological treatments.

It should be noted that those who wrote the Mathatter Institute commissioned

report regarding the BS study (to the tune of $40K) are the same Phd's who

defend this position in courtrooms.

Broken BS has been studied extensively thoughout the globe. Such studies

have been sponsored by such organizations as the Dune Buggy Association of

America and the All Terrain Vehicle Lobbiests (ATVA)

In an attempt to clarify all the misunderstanding of the issue, Dr. Cleavage

Black of the CDC infatically stated,

" THERE HAS BEEN ENOUGH CORPORATE SPONSORED, BROKEN BS STUDIES. WE GET IT. WE

FULLY UNDERSTAND OUR ROLE IN ADDRESSING THIS PROBLEM " .

In the meantime, the Exploding Toads of Hamburg are still desperately

looking for help.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/4/2005 6:19:46 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

barb1283@... writes:

I skim read things but this is a joke, right??

Hey Barb,

Well if you have to ask, apparently not a very good one. Yes, of course it

is a spoof.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/4/2005 9:26:35 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

erikj6@... writes:

" moldincolo " wrote:

> Exploding Toads who have self-reported their concerns to elected

> officials are also advised to please contact the appropriate member

of the electorate, which in all cases, is Someone Else.

>

This spoof should be condensed for dissemination to other groups.

And if Mr Else is not available, concerns may be directed to his

secretary; Helen Waite.

Go to Helen Waite!

-

Oh that's hysterical! How bout we get you, and Serena and we work

on this off of the chatboards!

Sharon

[Guest guest]

I skim read things but this is a joke, right??

> Update: 5/3/05

>

> " Theories abound, but German conservationists struggle to find

> convincing explanation for amphibian Armageddon "

>

> Scientist say toads have been given Ige tests, MRI's, CT scans. They

have

> also been tested for MS, AIDs, carpel tunnel syndrome and all other

testings

> with high billing ratios. None of these tests have provided

explaination as to

> why thest

[Guest guest]

This is JUST too delightful!

But I've used the " Broken Bone Syndrome " argument against

psychologizers before.

Their response:

" You are just refusing to acknowledge that your choices determine

your fate.

Everything you choose places you in the circumstance that causes

your difficulties. If you have ANY injury or illness of ANY type,

you put yourself in the position to be subject to these problems and

your fairure to admit that you made that choice means that you

refuse to take responsiblity for your life and your illness " .

And I asked " What if a meteorite blazes out of the sky and hits me

on the head. Am I responsible for THAT? "

Psychologizer response:

" You put yourself under that meteorite, didn't you? "

THERE IS JUST NO STOPPING THESE IDIOTS!

-

[Guest guest]

> Hey Barb,

> Well if you have to ask, apparently not a very good one. Yes, of

course it is a spoof.

>

A friend told me " I knew you were really in trouble when you lost your

sense of humor " .

The loss of " executive " or high order mental function is a symptom of

neurotoxicosis and does not reflect the mental inabilities or

inferiority of a mold victim any more than someone with a broken arm

could be considered " inferior " for a failure to hoist heavy objects.

-

[Guest guest]

I didn't read whole thing. It was rather long post and I am strickly

a serious post reader but it did make me wonder.

>>

> A friend told me " I knew you were really in trouble when you lost

your

> sense of humor " .

> The loss of " executive " or high order mental function is a symptom

of

> neurotoxicosis and does not reflect the mental inabilities or

> inferiority of a mold victim any more than someone with a broken arm

> could be considered " inferior " for a failure to hoist heavy objects.

> -

[Guest guest]

" moldincolo " wrote:

> Exploding Toads who have self-reported their concerns to elected

> officials are also advised to please contact the appropriate member

of the electorate, which in all cases, is Someone Else.

>

This spoof should be condensed for dissemination to other groups.

And if Mr Else is not available, concerns may be directed to his

secretary; Helen Waite.

Go to Helen Waite!

-

[Guest guest]

>

> Oh that's hysterical! How bout we get you, and Serena and

we work

> on this off of the chatboards!

>

> Sharon

>

I think I'll be needing an editor -- while the delivery here is

farcical, the underlying message is dead serious.

One of the first symptoms I expressed of Toxic Mold Issue Political

Awareness (TMIPA) was the emergence of Tourette's syndrome on on a

daily basis after exposure to the ongoing information on this board.

Thanks KC!

[Guest guest]

so right- when I am really ill I do lose my sense of humor- I know I

am improving when it starts to come back-

> >>

> > A friend told me " I knew you were really in trouble when you lost

> your

> > sense of humor " .

> > The loss of " executive " or high order mental function is a symptom

> of

> > neurotoxicosis and does not reflect the mental inabilities or

> > inferiority of a mold victim any more than someone with a broken

arm

> > could be considered " inferior " for a failure to hoist heavy

objects.

> > -

[Guest guest]

Thanks and for all of your humor. Are you planning to publish this

at some future date? I agree the laughter is needed--many times when it has

seemed so bleak I forget to laugh.. usually makes me remember.

Lori and Meow Cat

[Guest guest]

I'm in. - Really belongs in The Onion.

Newsflash: Reasearchers have announced that a study of 6.3 toads affected with

FLMTS show signs of markedly decreased sense of levity immediately prior to, or

shortly after, exploding. CBT may be beneficial in addressing this issue, with

improved coping skills as a goal.

snk1955@... wrote:

In a message dated 5/4/2005 9:26:35 AM Pacific Daylight Time,

erikj6@... writes:

" moldincolo " wrote:

> Exploding Toads who have self-reported their concerns to elected

> officials are also advised to please contact the appropriate member

of the electorate, which in all cases, is Someone Else.

>

This spoof should be condensed for dissemination to other groups.

And if Mr Else is not available, concerns may be directed to his

secretary; Helen Waite.

Go to Helen Waite!

-

Oh that's hysterical! How bout we get you, and Serena and we work

on this off of the chatboards!

Sharon

[Guest guest]

--- In , SERENA EDWARDS <pushcrash@y...>

wrote:

> That is a serious issue. I've noticed the same problem. The language

alone wouldn't be so bad, but the involuntary hand gestures do cause

some social problems.

>

I really don't think that the perpetrators of disinformation and junk

science regarding this issue realize the level of resentment they

engender. 100 years ago, this would be cause for a Tar and Feather

makeover, and run out of town on a rail.

Then again, I'm from the middle of Wyoming.

[Guest guest]

Oh, baby, haven't you heard? It takes a Global Village to raise a self-serving

con artist.You know...call up the U.N., ask for sanctions. That sorta stuff

there. You mountain boys are sooo politically incorrect!

I like the old Texas-style solution. High noon. Got the Chi-neeh eye. The street

clears. Ch-Ching! " You hadn't oughta be doin' folks like that, Black Stachy. Now

make your peace and draw, suckah. "

moldincolo <jonathan1@...> wrote:

--- In , SERENA EDWARDS <pushcrash@y...>

wrote:

> That is a serious issue. I've noticed the same problem. The language

alone wouldn't be so bad, but the involuntary hand gestures do cause

some social problems.

>

I really don't think that the perpetrators of disinformation and junk

science regarding this issue realize the level of resentment they

engender. 100 years ago, this would be cause for a Tar and Feather

makeover, and run out of town on a rail.

Then again, I'm from the middle of Wyoming.

FAIR USE NOTICE:

---------------------------------

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 5/4/2005 10:35:06 PM Pacific Daylight Time,

pushcrash@... writes:

Oh, baby, haven't you heard? It takes a Global Village to raise a

self-serving con artist.You know...call up the U.N., ask for sanctions. That

sorta

stuff there. You mountain boys are sooo politically incorrect!

I like the old Texas-style solution. High noon. Got the Chi-neeh eye. The

street clears. Ch-Ching! " You hadn't oughta be doin' folks like that, Black

Stachy. Now make your peace and draw, suckah. "

Hmmmm? So are we going to take on a Western Theme to this story? How bout

we bring in a hired gun known throughout the bad lands as " Mr. Killman. "

Legend has it he has killed more toads with a single study of mice than any

other bogus statiscal analysis totin' hombres in the west.(and the north, and

the

south and the east and also in Canada)