Update.

[Guest guest]

Denial what a beautiful and dangerous thing. Hubby and I had a conversation the other day about perfect weight. My comment was he thought I was overweight at my wedding. AND GOD look at me now. So what must he think. MIND you I didn't gain gain until I had kids. AND stopped working. EVEN my daughter laughed at him about the wedding comment.

It seems the more I soul search the more weight I gain. I am reading body clutter and then I hit a road block when I bring all the questions in my head up. Example yesterday weighed in at 255. Was good all day until PM and had popcorn with butter. WHY... AND truth I sat there and debated about having it. AND then the next thing I knew I made it and ate it. If it was possible to black out and then when you come to HOW DID I EAT that, that is what I would blame.

I know a lot of my mind issues are my own fault. I cant get passed the fact that I have been overweight for 13 yrs and have not been able to lose and stay a loser. I am at my highest ever. I know if I am honest with myself I need to lose to save my marriage and my sanity. More health issues are showing there ugly head. So the plan AGAIN is. BASICS and baby steps.

NEED TO JOURNAL...

NEED TO MOVE...

NEED TO DRINK WATER...

NEED TO BE ACCOUNTABLE...

NEED TO PLAN...

We are half way thru the year. I dont want to make a 2009 weight loss plan. I already want one in place and the scale be moving.

Had DD #2 birthday saturday. Got to hold little . It killed me seeing how they handle that little guy. BUT as hubby says I have to let them make there mistakes. They believe in letting a baby cry OR scream. I DONT not when all he wants is to be held.

Tomorrow hubby is taking day off and I am going to ear dr and will update this week. I will try to do better in the email department.

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