's motd Sat Aug 23, 2008

[Guest guest]

MAD!

Saturday, 23 August 2008

"Dear , I'm having a horrible time at home. My husband has gained quite a bit of weight over the years. When we first married, he was at the perfect weight. At the time, he was working while attending school to get his degree in education. Once he graduated and began teaching, his hours were crazy and he often had to bring work home with him. And, I'm sorry to say, that's when he really began overeating and gaining weight.

During our 14 years of marriage, has gained 114 pounds. He doesn't want to take pictures with the rest of the family anymore and he hates going out now. It really just breaks my heart. For the past few years, I've tried to sit down and talk with him about his weight in an effort to help. I tell him how much I love him and that I'm worried about him. I tell that he's got to stop eating the way he's been eating and get back to living the kind of life he lived when we met. (He was in so much better shape then.)By the time I finish my little speech, I'm sad to say, looks as if he is about to boil over! The anger begins to appear in his eyes and spreads to his entire face. After I'm done, he stands up and tells me to 'leave him alone! 'He does say a few other things, none of them pleasant, before storming out of the room! I'm left there, sitting on the couch feeling just plain awful about the 'conversation' the two of us just had. So there's my dilemma. I know that must now weigh over 300 pounds and like I told him, I am so worried about him. Tell me, what else can I do? I'm all out of ideas!"

I get very sad E-mails like this all the time. There are so many people who sit with their spouses, a child, a parent or a friend giving them the same kind of speech 's wife told me about.But look, here's the situation: When someone is gaining weight, not a little...but a lot, you've got to understand that there is already some anger buried deep inside that person. Oh sure, there may also be some depression, loneliness or boredom that is also causing them to gain weight, trust me. But like I said, there's always some anger in the pot, too. And believe me, good things rarely come out of anger.

It's hard to watch someone you love slowly killing themselves with food. If you've tried to talk to that person and it hasn't helped, you've got to try other measures to reach them. You may have to call their doctor and have him or her call that loved one who is having so much trouble with their weight. Or you may have to engage in a more involved intervention that doesn't include only you. You may have to sit down with that person along with other friends or family members for a truly heart-to-heart talk together. Just remember to approach that person with love and not in a confrontational mood.You could also write a letter and mail it to them. Let them be surprised to get your letter in the mail. And in that letter, pour out your own feelings about how much you love them and always want them in your life. (The written word is a powerful tool, you know.)

The bottom line is that you just can't give up on that loved one. I mean because what good is it to have two people giving up...instead of just one?And the best way, always, to help a friend or family member in desperate need of weight-loss, is to set a good example for them yourself. Let them see you working out and eating healthy. Let them see you maintaining your weight or losing the weight you need to lose. Then maybe one day, you can ask them to take a walk with you and, who knows, then they may even want to talk about their weight with you!Just promise me, you'll keep at this. And in the meantime, I promise you that I will keep those loved ones of yours who need help so very much in my prayers tonight.Love,