Re: , daughter

[Guest guest]

, I am so sad for you and your daughter.I didn't realize that you lived that far apart.

My Mom was very sick when I was little, and I remember being upset with her because she couldn't climb the stairs to tuck me in. She had serious breathing problems and my father left her with 3 small kids and many unpaid bills. She has passed away 24 yrs. ago, and I feel so guilty for being upset with her. She must have been going thru such pain and hurt. I feel like my son is having the same experience with me, since I can't be as active with him.

I hope that when you and your daughter do see each other, some of those hurt feeling will melt away. You must have a broken heart right now-I wish that I could give you a big hug.

Do you two talk on the phone? I hope that her Dad is supportive of her seeing you.

Divorce can makes lives so complicated. I hope that she is old enough to realize that your illness has nothing to do with her, and that you hated being away from her. Until I had my own son, I never could have known the kind of pain you must be going thru. I will pray for you and , that you can start over and put all that old stuff behind you.

Love, Daryl

Re: Another destructive aspect of implants

, I don't know what to say other than I feel for you and I know it's hard for kids to deal with having a sick parent. They may feel like they're somehow responsible even. My daughter - before she got pregnant and had her son - was very angry with me all the time. Part of it was her "teenage insanity" that they all go through, but a lot of it was her disappointment because I was no longer the "soccer mom" I used to be. I was always tired and in pain and I couldn't jump up and take her everywhere she wanted, when she wanted. She ended up going through a spell with terrible joint aches and symptoms of Fibromyalgia near the end of her pregnancy and in the first few months after she had him. Hers was due to hormones and lack of restorative sleep. Thank God it's over now, but she still has a flare if she doesn't sleep well. Because of that, she knows how I feel every day and she is more understanding. I'll be praying for you and your daughter, for restoration of your relationship. Just tell her every chance you get that you love her and that you're going to be there for her no matter what - no matter how long it takes. She'll come around. It may not be for a while, but she will.PamIn , "naturalbeauty38" <naturalbeauty38@y...> wrote:> Many of you already know this but, it is something that we sure don't > get warned about. IN fact it seems we are sold this idea of how > implants will not only enhance our breasts, but they will enhance our > lives, our relationships, esp sexually. What they don't tell you, OF > COURSE, is the destructive side of implants, not just physically, but > the way that the whole illness can tear up a relationship, sometimes > doing irreprable damage. I can tell you all because your all > understanding and sympathetic, but try telling other people that your > 12 year old daughter isn't living with you, and won't even come visit > you. It isn't because I was an abuser or something. It was because I > was sick for over 2 years. two of the most important years for > bonding a relationship with my daughter. Those years I cannot ever > get back, and because she went from being with me almost everyday and > being so close to suddenly having to live with her dad due to mommy > being sick everyday and unable to do anything with her. During that > time she became very close to her father, and now, I cannot seem to > get her to want to be a part of my new life with my new family. Try > getting a 12 year old to want to move and leave all her friends > behind. It is almost impossible to do in the best of circumstances, > but under the circumstances I am in, it is truly impossible. I don't > know what to do anymore about it. I have tried everything to get her > to just come visit me, and when the first planned visit did not work > out( she refused to get on the airplane) she says she is afraid of > flying. I tried to get custody of her, but the court felt that it > would be too truamatic to tear her away from her life with her > father. They gave us joint custody, but refused to set a scheduled > visitation and said that it would be up to my ex and me and my > daughter to work something out. That has been next to impossible. SO > when my daughter, is her name, called me about 2 months ago and > said she wanted to come here for her spring break vacation I was so > excited and happy, I was also nervous she would back out at the last > minute, but heck it was almost all her own idea so I felt confident > she was finally going to come. My parents, who live near her in > California, had been wanting to come here to see my house etc, and > although they would rather fly here than do the 12 hour drive, they > offered to do it for , since she has a terrible fear of flying> (9/11 helped to seal that one)anyhow, everything was planned and I > took more time off work(I had my trip to Mexico already planned for > March) so it meant really rearranging some things and altering my > work and my husbands work schedules etc. It was really allot of > people's lives being affected by this but we all were willing to do > anything to get here, to get her to at least see what she could > be doing and where she could be living if she wanted to.Well i had > that feeling in my stomach all week prior to her coming, that she > wasn't going to come, and sure enough, the night before they were set > to leave she called me and said "mom I am not ready to come there yet"> I hope this story is not boring anyone to death. Maybe I just need to > vent to you guys because I know you are probably the only people that > will understand this whole thing. Are there any others out there that > have had relationships torn apart due to illness and implants?> There has to be. I am sure of it.> I don't think I can write much more about this without ending up in > total tears, which I cannot do right now, I must say though that it > feels good to get this out. I needed to talk about this. I hope you > guys will have some words of wisdom for me. I am very sad.> The visit went nicely with my parents and we had a ton of fun, and > all our other kids were there and acted so polite my parents were > very impressed.> Anyhow guys, sorry for this long post. I need to know that I am not a > bad mom. Can you guys help me out here, with some of your wonderful > words of wisdom?> hugs>

[Guest guest]

-

I am sorry that your daughter cancelled on you for spring break. I

can only imagine how much that must hurt. I believe that she is

probably dealing with alot of emotional issues and I have a sixteen

year old and definitely know how teens and preteens can be. She may

feel strange about your new family and not be ready to want to

become part of that. I can understand how she could feel

overwhelmed. She may have alot of anger and sadness built up about

your relationship. She doesn't have perspective. She only knows

that she lost the mommy she once knew and she may be very hurt and

angry inside. Or she may have shut you out so she doesn't have to

deal with the whole hurt. That is what my daughter does. Is your

husband remarried? If so, how does she get along with her stepmom?

Does she live with any stepsiblings? Don't stop sending her all the

things that say I love you---cards, gifts, remembrances of special

days. Calling. Visiting. Someday you can be sure she will come

around if you hang in there. If your husband is a good father, she

may be better left with him if she feels more secure there. She is

at a very difficult age right now and moving away from everything

familar could be very hard. YOu sound like a good and caring mom.

You will figure out the right things to keep your love alive.

Hugs, kathy

-- In , " Daryl " <daryljean@c...>

wrote:

> , I am so sad for you and your daughter.I didn't realize

that you lived that far apart.

> My Mom was very sick when I was little, and I remember being upset

with her because she couldn't climb the stairs to tuck me in. She

had serious breathing problems and my father left her with 3 small

kids and many unpaid bills. She has passed away 24 yrs. ago, and I

feel so guilty for being upset with her. She must have been going

thru such pain and hurt. I feel like my son is having the same

experience with me, since I can't be as active with him.

>

> I hope that when you and your daughter do see each other, some of

those hurt feeling will melt away. You must have a broken heart

right now-I wish that I could give you a big hug.

> Do you two talk on the phone? I hope that her Dad is supportive of

her seeing you.

>

> Divorce can makes lives so complicated. I hope that she is old

enough to realize that your illness has nothing to do with her, and

that you hated being away from her. Until I had my own son, I never

could have known the kind of pain you must be going thru. I will

pray for you and , that you can start over and put all that old

stuff behind you.

> Love, Daryl

> Re: Another destructive aspect of

implants

>

>

> , I don't know what to say other than I feel for you and I

know

> it's hard for kids to deal with having a sick parent. They may

feel

> like they're somehow responsible even. My daughter - before she

got

> pregnant and had her son - was very angry with me all the time.

Part

> of it was her " teenage insanity " that they all go through, but a

lot

> of it was her disappointment because I was no longer the " soccer

mom "

> I used to be. I was always tired and in pain and I couldn't

jump up

> and take her everywhere she wanted, when she wanted. She ended

up

> going through a spell with terrible joint aches and symptoms of

> Fibromyalgia near the end of her pregnancy and in the first few

> months after she had him. Hers was due to hormones and lack of

> restorative sleep. Thank God it's over now, but she still has a

> flare if she doesn't sleep well. Because of that, she knows how

I

> feel every day and she is more understanding.

>

> I'll be praying for you and your daughter, for restoration of

your

> relationship. Just tell her every chance you get that you love

her

> and that you're going to be there for her no matter what - no

matter

> how long it takes. She'll come around. It may not be for a

while,

> but she will.

>

> Pam

>

> In , " naturalbeauty38 "

> <naturalbeauty38@y...> wrote:

> > Many of you already know this but, it is something that we

sure

> don't

> > get warned about. IN fact it seems we are sold this idea of

how

> > implants will not only enhance our breasts, but they will

enhance

> our

> > lives, our relationships, esp sexually. What they don't tell

you,

> OF

> > COURSE, is the destructive side of implants, not just

physically,

> but

> > the way that the whole illness can tear up a relationship,

> sometimes

> > doing irreprable damage. I can tell you all because your all

> > understanding and sympathetic, but try telling other people

that

> your

> > 12 year old daughter isn't living with you, and won't even

come

> visit

> > you. It isn't because I was an abuser or something. It was

because

> I

> > was sick for over 2 years. two of the most important years for

> > bonding a relationship with my daughter. Those years I cannot

ever

> > get back, and because she went from being with me almost

everyday

> and

> > being so close to suddenly having to live with her dad due to

mommy

> > being sick everyday and unable to do anything with her. During

that

> > time she became very close to her father, and now, I cannot

seem to

> > get her to want to be a part of my new life with my new

family. Try

> > getting a 12 year old to want to move and leave all her

friends

> > behind. It is almost impossible to do in the best of

circumstances,

> > but under the circumstances I am in, it is truly impossible. I

> don't

> > know what to do anymore about it. I have tried everything to

get

> her

> > to just come visit me, and when the first planned visit did

not

> work

> > out( she refused to get on the airplane) she says she is

afraid of

> > flying. I tried to get custody of her, but the court felt that

it

> > would be too truamatic to tear her away from her life with her

> > father. They gave us joint custody, but refused to set a

scheduled

> > visitation and said that it would be up to my ex and me and my

> > daughter to work something out. That has been next to

impossible.

> SO

> > when my daughter, is her name, called me about 2 months

ago and

> > said she wanted to come here for her spring break vacation I

was so

> > excited and happy, I was also nervous she would back out at

the

> last

> > minute, but heck it was almost all her own idea so I felt

confident

> > she was finally going to come. My parents, who live near her

in

> > California, had been wanting to come here to see my house etc,

and

> > although they would rather fly here than do the 12 hour drive,

they

> > offered to do it for , since she has a terrible fear of

flying

> > (9/11 helped to seal that one)anyhow, everything was planned

and I

> > took more time off work(I had my trip to Mexico already

planned for

> > March) so it meant really rearranging some things and altering

my

> > work and my husbands work schedules etc. It was really allot

of

> > people's lives being affected by this but we all were willing

to do

> > anything to get here, to get her to at least see what she

> could

> > be doing and where she could be living if she wanted to.Well i

had

> > that feeling in my stomach all week prior to her coming, that

she

> > wasn't going to come, and sure enough, the night before they

were

> set

> > to leave she called me and said " mom I am not ready to come

there

> yet "

> > I hope this story is not boring anyone to death. Maybe I just

need

> to

> > vent to you guys because I know you are probably the only

people

> that

> > will understand this whole thing. Are there any others out

there

> that

> > have had relationships torn apart due to illness and implants?

> > There has to be. I am sure of it.

> > I don't think I can write much more about this without ending

up in

> > total tears, which I cannot do right now, I must say though

that it

> > feels good to get this out. I needed to talk about this. I

hope you

> > guys will have some words of wisdom for me. I am very sad.

> > The visit went nicely with my parents and we had a ton of fun,

and

> > all our other kids were there and acted so polite my parents

were

> > very impressed.

> > Anyhow guys, sorry for this long post. I need to know that I

am not

> a

> > bad mom. Can you guys help me out here, with some of your

wonderful

> > words of wisdom?

> > hugs

> >

>

>

>

>