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Parental guilt

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Dear Robin,

I felt the same way and still do about this list. And none of my friends

have a kid like Molly. I spend so much time having people in our community

call me to say, " we just thought you might want to know what Molly did. " I

know many of them look at me as an incompetent mother. But I also realize

that none of them have ever been in my shoes. Many of them even come off

somewhat righteous about

how they wouldn't let their kids act that way.

This list is the only place I have where there are people who understand and

I know if they met Molly they would see her as a beautiful kid. Which she

really is.

I am trying to learn to not let other parents comments hit me in my heart.

It is hard.

I too have cried at this keyboard many time. I am glad you are here to cry

along with us. And also share the triumphs.

God bless,

patti r in nh

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Hi Everyone,

I so agree with Robin's post! I feel exactly the same way she does. I now

find I have less stress over some situations. I mean I used to constantly

say to myself that we were weird, that no one else had a kid like this, what

did I do wrong?? Now I realize that I am not alone out here and that it

isn't my fault.

Thanks guys for being here and sharing with all of us(especially us

newbies)!

in Louisiana

Jay and Robin Tzucker wrote:

> From: Jay and Robin Tzucker <rjtzuckr@...>

>

> Dear All,

> I don't have a " horror story " to share right this minute (although we've

> certainly had our share) but I wanted to tell you all something...

>

> I am crying as I write this and I was crying as I read all these posts

> from those of you who are so good to open up your lives to the rest of

> us on this list. I have felt so alone with my OCD daughter for so

> long...even with my husband's help and support it has been a long and

> lonely journey. None of my friends have kids like mine. Reading all

> these stories (especially the ones where the kids got hurt) made me

> realize, truly realize, for the first time, that I am not alone in this.

> I feel like a great burden has been lifted from my shoulders and I know

> now that there are people I can share with when the days are tough and I

> am at my wits end.

>

> Thank you all so much for being there!

>

> Robin in WA

>

> -

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  • 8 years later...
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Dear ,

If possible, don't buy into that other guilt trip - if only I had known. Believe

me, it is sooo destructive. For about 4 mths it paralysed my brain - guilt and

grief. I was commissioned to look after this tiny life and I'd really stuffed

things up.

I was on auto-pilot. Sometimes still, I get a fleeting frisson when I think of

those times, but my son still needs me, so I need to shake off the dust of the

past and move forward. It wasn't dumb, we were misled - those who are supposed

to know, kept their mouths shut, rather than risk career and profit. Forgive

yourself of mistakes made in ignorance.

& nbsp;

And Winnie, you are so right. They not only look the other way, & nbsp;but also,

(I think it may have been in one of Dr Mendelsohn's books), they hold

their breaths! & nbsp;That would suggest that they KNOW.

& nbsp;

Whenever I needed to tell & nbsp;med staff that my children were NOT to be

vaccinated, it was always the nurses who asked why not. When I told them about

the seizures and encephalitis, they would ask, " Was it the triple vaccine

(meaning DPT in those days)? "

They knew.

& nbsp;

Crazy how long it takes for fearful parents to join the dots. I wouldn't allow

any jabs or polio sips that & nbsp;my first baby had, but when my second baby

turned 15 mths, I allowed & nbsp; morbilli, which my first baby never had. What a

trusting soul I was.

Within a week & nbsp;my 2nd baby was asthmatic. That was the last dot. I realised

I had become asthmatic following BCG vax at age 13, my younger sister became

asthmatic following rubella vax at age 15. BCG was & nbsp;withdrawn before she

turned 13. I had my first and only flu, following a flu vax at 17.

Beating ourselves up is counter-productive, and I guess that's why we are

all & nbsp;in this group & nbsp;- we want to get as much info as poss and educate

others. Toner cartridges don't last long in this house. :o)

& nbsp;

Take care,

Maracuja

From: wharrison@... & lt;wharrison@... & gt;

Subject: Re: Re: Postpartum Standing orders for Tdap Suggested

Vaccinations

Date: Monday, June 2, 2008, 8:00 PM

You weren't dumb. You were following your gut feeling at the time. The vaccine

manufacturers are very sly about taking advantage of tapping into that gut

feeling.

You trusted your doctor and had no reason to think vaccines could in any way be

harmful. And I really don't believe the doctors intend to cause harm, although

surely many are looking the other way when it happens. You weren't dumb at

all--and now you're aware. Good for you. It took me years to connect the dots.

Winnie

Re: Re: Postpartum Standing orders for Tdap Suggested

Vaccinations

& gt; Same guilt

& gt; trip about how ill my son would get if I caught the flu and gave

& gt; it to him.

& gt; I was dumb and allowed it.

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