Husbands

[Guest guest]

My husband said maybe he should start a group for husbands of wifes

who had implants removed. He said he would like to set allot of guys

straight on how to care for your wife through this time. He has been

a total gem!

[Guest guest]

Hi Angie,

The ones that have supportive hubbys better hang on to them, and be

grateful for them. Mine has never been supportive, and it use to

bother me quite a bit. But, I don't let it bother me anymore. My hubby

was a local driver, but when all this went down, he went on the road,

and he's home 1-2 times a month.

I think it's really better this way now. The way I feel, I don't think

I make a very good companion anymore. I'm always hurting, ill, and I

can't imagine who would want to be stuck with me. I feel that one day

I will be alone, and I will except it, and move on.

I still have a dream getting better, and going back to work. I just

keep that dream, can't let some things go.

Hugs, Tawny

> How do you guys all get husband support. Some days he is pretty

> supporative other days he is like it can't be that bad I try to act

> like it doesn't bug me but it is really getting to me. He doesn't

go

> in any of my appoitments with me. Says he is sick of taking me to

the

> doctors will its not like I asked for this. I am sick of going to

but

> I figure it is a part of my like so I will deal with Sorry guys to

> ramble on I am just feeling really down in between the pain,

swelling

> and everything that is going on as trying to figure out if I should

> ask the doctor for a increase in my meds

> Thanks for all your support.

>

> Thanks

> Angie

[Guest guest]

Hi Angie! I feel for ya. My DH is the SAME way. Take a look at my

most recent post (forget what it's called, and may be even a response

to someone else). It's really hard for me. But what bothers me the

most is the emotional aspect of it. He promised me everything and has

delivered nothing. I moved my kids 45mins away to be near his

daughter and all I've gotten in return is loneliness and 45 mins away

from my nearest babysitter. Sometimes I spend 3 hrs on the road just

for a babysitter.

Sorry to bogart, but you are not alone here. I don't know why they

act the way they do. I swear he thinks I'm making this stuff up.

Really ticks me off considering that I've been nothing but 100%

supportive of him through and through. Oh well.

Let's send them off on the Stupid Ship and drink margaritas poolside.

We'll hire a man-servant and name him Enrique. I'll send my chauffuer

over to get you. He'll be there at 4pm.

Hugs,

Sara

> How do you guys all get husband support. Some days he is pretty

> supporative other days he is like it can't be that bad I try to act

> like it doesn't bug me but it is really getting to me. He doesn't

go

> in any of my appoitments with me. Says he is sick of taking me to

the

> doctors will its not like I asked for this. I am sick of going to

but

> I figure it is a part of my like so I will deal with Sorry guys to

> ramble on I am just feeling really down in between the pain,

swelling

> and everything that is going on as trying to figure out if I should

> ask the doctor for a increase in my meds

> Thanks for all your support.

>

> Thanks

> Angie

[Guest guest]

Why does it get to be his choice when " that moment " will come for

you? Honey, take the bull by the horns. If he's taken off on you

and you feel the inevitable coming, don't wait. By the time he

leaves, you'll be stuck w/ nothing but your 4 walls. Do what you

need to do for YOU!!! Unless you WANT to be there, dont' be. You

deserve better than that.

*Now, if I could only follow my own advice. LOL

Sara

> Hi Angie,

> The ones that have supportive hubbys better hang on to them, and be

> grateful for them. Mine has never been supportive, and it use to

> bother me quite a bit. But, I don't let it bother me anymore. My

hubby

> was a local driver, but when all this went down, he went on the

road,

> and he's home 1-2 times a month.

> I think it's really better this way now. The way I feel, I don't

think

> I make a very good companion anymore. I'm always hurting, ill, and

I

> can't imagine who would want to be stuck with me. I feel that one

day

> I will be alone, and I will except it, and move on.

> I still have a dream getting better, and going back to work. I just

> keep that dream, can't let some things go.

> Hugs, Tawny

>

>

>

>

> --- In , " along302003 " <along3@c...>

wrote:

> > How do you guys all get husband support. Some days he is pretty

> > supporative other days he is like it can't be that bad I try to

act

> > like it doesn't bug me but it is really getting to me. He

doesn't

> go

> > in any of my appoitments with me. Says he is sick of taking me

to

> the

> > doctors will its not like I asked for this. I am sick of going

to

> but

> > I figure it is a part of my like so I will deal with Sorry guys

to

> > ramble on I am just feeling really down in between the pain,

> swelling

> > and everything that is going on as trying to figure out if I

should

> > ask the doctor for a increase in my meds

> > Thanks for all your support.

> >

> > Thanks

> > Angie

[Guest guest]

Dear Angie,

I don't post often, but my heart goes out to you! I am blessed to have

one of the GOOD husbands, but I'm not sure how he would act if he were

not ill himself. He has Parkinson's Disease, and we were diagnosed (I

have FM, MS, and Dercum's) at the same time. We go to each other's

doctor appointments, mostly for support, but also to be sure that

someone else is there to hear what the doctor is saying and remember

it. I said something one day about all the bother I am, and he

said " our vows were " in sickness and in health, for better or for

worse, in good times and in bad " and as I promised before God and our

friends and family, that I will do. "

Our daughter, who lives nearby, is just now beginning to realize her

parents do not have boundless energy to babysit (she has 2-year old

triplets and a 5-year old) and her husband does help us when we need

it. I pray that God opens your husband's eyes and heart to be where

you need him,

Judi

ie

[Guest guest]

Hi Sheena:

Don't give up hope on your sister finding that special

someone. Not all men are uncaring. My father is, and

continued to take his trips to Tahiti and elsewhere

while my mother battled colon cancer alone, but my

husband is wonderful. He has been so supportive and

helpful to me. When I was initially dx with RA, he

read everything I would send him on email (somehow

that was easier for him than having me tell him in

person), and also read RA books I would have laying

about. He will carry things for me, take care of the

cooking, helps me to walk when I need it, takes care

of my horses when I cannot walk down to the corrals,

lets me sleep in when I need to, and understands when

sex must be put on the back burner. We could really

use the extra money and I would like to go back to

work, even part-time, but with the RA and fibro, he

understands how hard it would be, and he works extra

hours and also works weekends in his own side business

to make ends meet. He is my rock, and loves me

unconditionally, in sickness and in health. There are

such men out there - hard to find maybe - but I am

sending out a prayer that such a man will come into

your sister's life. It is so much easier to cope with

family support, and with the support of a loving man

by your side.

Kathe in CA

--- Sheena <sheena.paul@...> wrote:

> Hi,

>

> Thanks a for the kind words. Yet there are

> moments I wish I could have

> done something when it all started. Now I do

> understand it was beyond

> anybody. Then there was the ignorance of RA.

>

> It was a terrible time. She was only 20 when

> detected with RA. My lil'

> sister had to take a year off her studies. She was

> the best student in her

> batch. She did go back and pursue her degree. She

> just wasted before our

> eyes. But she lost so much of self-confidence. But

> thank God for good

> doctors and medication she is better than then.

>

> We (family) wish so much that she would be able to

> find a partner. Its a bit

> unnerving to have the read the recent posts on

> 'husbands'. Would she be

> better off alone? Being her sister I know she is

> someone who be better

> having a husband & family. But what if the man

> cannot cope with her RA and

> with her self-esteem not too strong.. that would not

> help at all. I would

> definately not be able to see her go through anymore

> hurting.

>

> My father initially was not supportive and I know

> today it was just that he

> could not accept & cope with what was happening to

> the daughter he was so

> proud of. His being that way just added to the pain

> to her & to us. My

> mother just compensated for all that was not there.

> God bless her! & my

> father - for willing to finally accept.

>

> Somewhere in my heart I do believe there are good

> men. I am married to one.

> But they are so few, so rare. Will keep praying.

>

> Wish & pray there is loads & loads of love and

> support for all.

>

> Regards,

> Sheena

>

> [ ] Re: husbands

>

>

> Angie:

>

> If your pain isn't under control, please talk to

> your doc or Rheumy about

> it.

> There's no need to suffer in silence. It took me a

> while to speak up and be

> heard about pain meds....but glad I finally did. My

> pain is no where near

> 100% under control, but it's much better than it was

> when I was newly

> diagnosed. Also, depression is very common when you

> have a chronic

> illness like RA. Please, if you're feeling down for

> an extended period of

> time, mention it to your doc and see if there's

> something you can take.

>

> I am very lucky as far as husbands/boyfriends go. I

> was 2.5 years into a

> relationship when I was diagnosed, and I've had

> nothing but incredible

> support. My heart breaks for those of you who are

> going through this with

> a less than considerate partner.

>

> I don't know you husband and can't even begin to

> make a decision on the

> type of person he is. All I can say is that he may

> be shutting down

> because he's scared. Some men handle the stress of

> situations like this

> by shutting down and putting up a wall. On the

> other hand, maybe he's

> cold and callous. It's not for me to say. You have

> to make the ultimate

> decision as to whether you should stay or go. No

> matter what you decide

> you will find support here when or if you need it.

>

> Hang in there,

>

>

>

>

> > How do you guys all get husband support. Some

> days he is pretty

> > supporative other days he is like it can't be that

> bad I try to act

> > like it doesn't bug me but it is really getting to

> me. He doesn't go

> > in any of my appoitments with me. Says he is sick

> of taking me to the

> > doctors will its not like I asked for this. I am

> sick of going to but

> > I figure it is a part of my like so I will deal

> with Sorry guys to

> > ramble on I am just feeling really down in between

> the pain, swelling

> > and everything that is going on as trying to

> figure out if I should

> > ask the doctor for a increase in my meds

> > Thanks for all your support.

> >

> > Thanks

> > Angie

>

>

>

>

>