Re: Of husbands and self-love

[Guest guest]

I've been reading these posts with interest, cuz 3 years ago my DH was blinded by a bullet to the head. Doctors saved one eye, in which, thank God, he regained some vision, enough to run his business etc but can't read or drive, needs me to be his guide sometimes in dark places etc. Because I literally gave up everyting to take care of him in every way imaginable, I had this expectation that he would do the same for me when I got sick.....I've come to learn though, that men are fundamentally different to us, girls. He has been an absolute marvel, taking care of me financially, paying for meds/treatment etc. but there is definitely not the same degree of absolute care that a woman gives her husband when he's ill. Occassionally he would tuck me into bed, or make me tea, but it is sporadic. I do not resent him for it in the slightest, as I understand now that this is just the way he is, he's a man ! The only way he really understands how to look after me is by being the provider, in the main, and if I ask him to help me up the stairs, or get me something, he does it with gusto, but his mind simply isn't wired to pre-empt what I may need, the way we women do with kids etc. We know what they're gonna ask for before they even realise it, and we're there, holding it out to them....men just aren't this way. Yes, it's not fair that God decided to make us so different (with us seemingly holding the shorter end of the stick), but the truth is, this is what makes us stronger than guys, more intuitive that they'd ever be.

This however, is a far cry from what some of you dear ladies have faced, with husbands who just bail on you when things go awry. Honestly, you've lost nothing, but gained your freedom to find someone who does have enough heart to stick with ya through good and bad. If you meet someone whilst ill, and they accept and love you whilst at your very worst, you can be sure they're gonna stick around no matter what ( unless they're co-dependents, of course). Many men can't handle their wives being ill, simply because it makes them feel emasculated: they, the guys who are supposed to be strong and able to fix everything, are faced with something they are powerless over. Some guys just cannot put those feelings in the appropriate place, so turn tail and run. There really is no point in pouring your precious energy into hating or resenting your husband for leaving. You hurt yourself physically by spending any time at all dwelling on what a schmuck he's being, or "oh woe is me" type thoughts, they really take you nowhere but down. You are all beautiful, lovable, and valuable, no matter your age, looks, or yes, even health. The trick is to learn how to love yourself. If you crack that, you are unstoppable !

I wish I could hug each and every one of you here, you are so precious to me, yes even you shy lurkers out there . We have all been made perfectly, we just have to start believing it so we can live it ! Much love to you all !

It is 3 weeks post explant now, and apart from PMS tiredness, I've been feeling much better, in all respects. I've had a few off days when neurological stuff would crop up, like a bit of brain fog or feeling down, but they blow over in a few hours. NO JOINT PAIN !!! HOORRAAYY !!! Overdid it a bit at gym the other day, but I'm getting muscle definition back. Have reached a plateu with weight loss, but I'm not phased, it usually stays there for a bit before the weight starts coming off again, it's as if our bodies have notches at certain weights that the needle gets stuck in befofe moving down again..we are truly, wondrously made, aren't we ?

Love to you all,

Fiona

[Guest guest]

Hi Fiona:

Gosh I could not have said it better myself, for sure ha ha. Your

awesome and I am so glad that you said this because it is so true,

when a man is really in love with you, he will stand by and take care

of you and really help you out, be supportive and attentive etc. If

not and if he is really going to cheat or treat you like crap etc,

then like you said, the freedom that you will get when a guy like

that leaves your life will only help you in the long run, to find

what is really important. For me it took 10 years of being divorced

and single to find the man of my dreams. He is a total angel to me. I

won't brag, but I am very very blessed, and not a day goes by that I

do not appreciate all that he does for me, for sure.

As for your health, girl it sounds like your doing really great. Can

you share more about your workout routines? I am kind of a borderline

personal trainer, I know allot, but never got certified, it just

doesn't pay enough! I LOVE IT THOUGH, I love to train people and

lately have had a few girls come over to train on my bowflex and it

is such a joy for me to help them.

I might have some tips for your weight plateu if you need them. You

sound like you have a good knowledge already so who knows maybe you

don't need my feedback but if you would like it, I have some ideas to

get you past that stuck point. My first question is how much do you

want to lose and is your goal realistic? Many women are so

unrealistic about what they want to weight, and what they are meant

to weigh esp if they have a lot of muscle. I used to think I needed

to weight 110 pounds for my height of only 5'3 " but with my weight

lifting and muscle mass I really doubt I will ever be that light. 119

is where I am at now and I would be happy to be at 115 but it

probably won't happen. My body is very happy at this cujrrent weight

of 119-120.

Anyhow tell me about your routine please for another reason, because

your healing so well and it sounds like your exercising, and I have

said it again and again, that I am convinced I healed so well due to

working out at least 4-6 times a week for 1 to 2 hours a session.

Anyhow this is what I really happen to believe in as a great

treatment for painful conditions and also stress related problems,

emotional issues, depression, and overall good health. Working out is

one of the cheapest, easiest to do if we apply ourselves, treatments

to get well. I wish I could convince more people to give it a shot

and just stick with it for a good long time!

anyhow did not mean to get off on a tangent like that but geeze it is

hard to not want to share my happiness and improved health wich I

believe is directly because of working out.

anyhow sorry if i am rambling, but do share your routine, goals, and

anything else you feel comfy enough to talk about here ok?

hugs and blessings to you,

-

In , " Fiona Parkinson " <fionap@i...>

wrote:

> I've been reading these posts with interest, cuz 3 years ago my DH

was blinded by a bullet to the head. Doctors saved one eye, in which,

thank God, he regained some vision, enough to run his business etc

but can't read or drive, needs me to be his guide sometimes in dark

places etc. Because I literally gave up everyting to take care of him

in every way imaginable, I had this expectation that he would do the

same for me when I got sick.....I've come to learn though, that men

are fundamentally different to us, girls. He has been an absolute

marvel, taking care of me financially, paying for meds/treatment etc.

but there is definitely not the same degree of absolute care that a

woman gives her husband when he's ill. Occassionally he would tuck me

into bed, or make me tea, but it is sporadic. I do not resent him for

it in the slightest, as I understand now that this is just the way he

is, he's a man ! The only way he really understands how to look after

me is by being the provider, in the main, and if I ask him to help me

up the stairs, or get me something, he does it with gusto, but his

mind simply isn't wired to pre-empt what I may need, the way we women

do with kids etc. We know what they're gonna ask for before they even

realise it, and we're there, holding it out to them....men just

aren't this way. Yes, it's not fair that God decided to make us so

different (with us seemingly holding the shorter end of the stick),

but the truth is, this is what makes us stronger than guys, more

intuitive that they'd ever be.

>

> This however, is a far cry from what some of you dear ladies have

faced, with husbands who just bail on you when things go awry.

Honestly, you've lost nothing, but gained your freedom to find

someone who does have enough heart to stick with ya through good and

bad. If you meet someone whilst ill, and they accept and love you

whilst at your very worst, you can be sure they're gonna stick around

no matter what ( unless they're co-dependents, of course). Many men

can't handle their wives being ill, simply because it makes them feel

emasculated: they, the guys who are supposed to be strong and able to

fix everything, are faced with something they are powerless over.

Some guys just cannot put those feelings in the appropriate place, so

turn tail and run. There really is no point in pouring your precious

energy into hating or resenting your husband for leaving. You hurt

yourself physically by spending any time at all dwelling on what a

schmuck he's being, or " oh woe is me " type thoughts, they really take

you nowhere but down. You are all beautiful, lovable, and valuable,

no matter your age, looks, or yes, even health. The trick is to learn

how to love yourself. If you crack that, you are unstoppable !

>

> I wish I could hug each and every one of you here, you are so

precious to me, yes even you shy lurkers out there . We have all been

made perfectly, we just have to start believing it so we can live

it ! Much love to you all !

>

> It is 3 weeks post explant now, and apart from PMS tiredness, I've

been feeling much better, in all respects. I've had a few off days

when neurological stuff would crop up, like a bit of brain fog or

feeling down, but they blow over in a few hours. NO JOINT PAIN !!!

HOORRAAYY !!! Overdid it a bit at gym the other day, but I'm getting

muscle definition back. Have reached a plateu with weight loss, but

I'm not phased, it usually stays there for a bit before the weight

starts coming off again, it's as if our bodies have notches at

certain weights that the needle gets stuck in befofe moving down

again..we are truly, wondrously made, aren't we ?

>

> Love to you all,

>

> Fiona

[Guest guest]

Thanks Patty. My husband was shot during an armed robbery at his business. Crime here in South Africa is extremely high, and often violent, sadly. He's fine tho, we've adapted in all sorts of ways to make things easier for him. Thanks for caring !

Fiona

Re: Of husbands and self-love

Fiona,YOu are such an excellent writer, with such engaginginsights...I love reading your posts!I am really sorry to hear about how your husbandsuffered too...gosh, how in the world did he get inthe path of a bullet?

[Guest guest]

You are blessed indeed, , now give that hubby of yours a good ole bear hug for being so special !

Fiona