Accepting yourself

[Guest guest]

Hi.

Recently, one of my very well-known people, who is physically challenged, said,

“I hate the word ‘handicap’! I really do”. The vehemence of the words got me

thinking…..

What exactly made him say that?

As far as I know, the person in consideration is managing his affairs well,

living life with a positive note in his head and can anytime boast of a cheerful

disposition. But, the above mentioned line showed his frustration more than his

acceptance of himself.

I often face questions about my handicap. ly speaking, it never upsets me.

Rather, I love talking about it. It assures me that the person I am talking to

is not affected by my handicap and can think of it in a casual way. He/she can

question me about my challenge in the same way as he/she would discuss politics.

In fact, is not each and every human challenged in one way or the other? My best

friend is too conscious of her looks, my uncle is too scared of public-speaking,

my teacher wears spectacles….these people, too, are disadvantaged in certain

ways, and…..these people, too are challenged in certain ways. But it doesn’t

affect their daily routines. We all have our own set of ‘positives’ and

‘negatives’, and when we show irritation for one of these, we show

unacceptability of our own-self. In the same way, when we try to disguise our

handicap, we actually prove that the handicap makes us very uncomfortable.

I once read somewhere – You can never hate a person; unless you see in him, a

tiny reflection of yourself. What it basically means, is that every negative

feeling arises out of your own insecurity……not because the circumstances justify

it.

Yesterday, my father said to me. “Except C.M.T., I am proud of you, Reema”.

Immediately I said “Dad, C.M.T. and Reema are available in a package deal. So,

please, either you like me WITH it, or just don’t like me”.

Earlier, I used to get very annoyed when somebody showed ‘sympathy’. The word

itself would produce a scowl on my face. Slowly, I learnt that this is how

people are taught to react; when they see someone, who, according to them is

less happy than them. It’s not their fault. Or maybe they just don’t know what

to say; and to avoid sounding rude, they start sympathizing. Now, whenever I

meet such a person, I use his/her ‘sympathy’ to motivate me to reach that level

where the same person would draw inspiration from me.

I am not writing all this for any one in particular. In fact, it’s more of an

exercise for my own thought process, for analyzing my feelings. So, thanks to

you great guys for bearing this! :- )

This New Year eve, my friend was staying with me for the night; and, as usual,

we started chatting. She is a wonderful person. We talk of everything under the

sun, but, somehow, never about my C.M.T. We started telling what we feel about

each other. About me she said “You are a perfect person, with a lot of

qualities. But destiny has given you one drawback.” In a fraction of a second,

all my drawbacks, like ‘short height’- ‘laziness’- ‘day-dreaming’ etc came to my

mind. She sighed, and further added “But, it is not your fault, and you can’t

help it. And then, no one really is perfect.” Then, I realized she was talking

about C.M.T. For sometime I was quite amazed that she thought of it as a

‘drawback’, as an ‘imperfection’. It had, to be frank, hurt me…because I used to

think that my friends respect me for the way I handle my C.M.T. It never

occurred to me that they of it as something lacking in me.

Slowly, I realized, people have their own set of problems. They won’t waste time

sitting and thinking how well you manage yours. Every challenge in life is YOUR

own challenge. It’s a general tendency to think of disability as a big ‘curse’,

as something that makes people less happy. This, too, is ‘their’ problem, not

ours. Haha, they never realize how heroic we feel upon achieving even small

things like walking across the pavement without tripping over, like tying our

shoe laces, like preparing a cup of coffee without dropping a single utensil……….

Humans, by default, adapt themselves to everything in the best possible way. The

fact that I typed this, that right now you are reading this, that you are a part

of this group, that you have some people whom you can hug and say ‘I love you’

without raising eyebrows… don’t they themselves prove it?

People have their problems to solve, you have your own and I have my own….so I

yeah, I am challenged, yeah I am handicapped. I agree it does pinch a little bit

when my friend is pulled off to dance floor in a party while I am left sitting

on a chair to dance ‘mentally’…..but when he comes back dazed and says ‘I know

everyone there was making fun of me’, I can’t help laughing to myself. And when

he doesn’t say that, well, it’s always fun watching a good dance…especially when

you realize how fortunate you are to be a part of the party.

Just surround yourself with optimistic people (I simply love the way Gretchen

offers practical solutions for everything with the right dose of

morale-boosters!) . You are as happy as you decide to be.

Chao!

Reema