Guest guest Posted July 22, 2000 Report Share Posted July 22, 2000 - All I can say is that you are truly an angel from God and you are in my prayers!! Melisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 22, 2000 Report Share Posted July 22, 2000 Hi Cristi, Hi all, I am still here checking my mail. Yes I am breathing, it has come in handy the last two days because I feel I am having a little delayed stress going on. As I said, I lost my brother Ed last weekend. His girlfriend had emailed me because she had not heard from him for three days. She was all caps, screaming, for me to go check on him, he is is Wichita, she from up north by Lawrence, KS. I emailed her back saying that so many ppl pray for him every day that he has to be ok. Well, when I went to check on him, I had banged on the front doors and windows thinking he had come home and fallen asleep on his lunch break, his truck was there. When I tried the door, I found him in the front room, he had taken his own life with his revolver. I had to call the police and then I had to tell my dad, and my sisters and brother. Give statements of everything I have seen,telling all my family over and over what I did and saw. I think the last two days has had the shock wearing off. I almost feel like I have heard an anxiety attack described. So yes, the breathing has helped. I don't know why I was the one chosen to find him, because his boss tried the door one hour before I got there and it was locked. I just walked in. No problem. I do think it was a God thing, because my family has told me I was the only one strong enough to handle it. I am glad I found him and my parents didn't have to see what I did. I got to protect him from prying eyes and morbid curiosity seekers. I cleaned up after him when two of my very good friends and my cousin cut out the carpet. I protected him when he was young and I got to do it again. The cops thought I was nuts, because I said I would take care of it, and I would tell my folks, they were going to send someone. I couldn't have a stranger telling them that their firstborn son had committed suicide. My dad said he was glad I got to help him but that he wishes I didn't have to see it. I am sorry to be so long, and to tell so much, but it seems to help to talk about it. I am still in shock some, and now I feel like crying more, maybe that will help to let it go. I cried the first four or five days but these last six days have been a whirlwind. I hurt my foot monday night and my dad said that God slowed me down to rest. I have to believe that. Between Ed and the house, it has been a whirlwind. My foot was only bruised, no broken bones. I am ok. We did get approved for the loan, and the contracts signed, now it is up to the bank's appraiser. I thank you for your prayers and concern, your notes really helped. My brother felt like he didn't fit into this world and had asked God's forgiveness before he shot himself, he apologized to us for the pain he was causing, but he had a pain he couldn't get past, a loneliness only God knows of. We found a lot of alcohol in the house, and some sleeping pills, we know he had been fighting depression on and off, he just wouldn't let us know, he hid it too well. My dad is a drug and alcohol chaplain for a rehab clinic, he is trained to watch for this and lives with the fact he didn't see it in Ed. We will live with a lot of " why's " and " hows " and " ifs " , and only by the grace of God will we get by. My dad believes we will meet again in heaven, that Ed is forgiven, and that he was not in his right mind because of the alcohol, the pain, and pills. I truly hope so, for I miss my " big " little brother. He was such a tenderhearted and loving man. My kids adored him. His funeral was standing room only, so many ppl loved him and he didn't feel or experience that love. I need to go now, I jusst needed to share this with someone.My family and friends have all that they can bear now. I have had to be the stong one and help my parents and family do all this work. Not that they aren't strong too, I don't know, everyone kept looking at my dad for decisions, and he looked to me.. Icouldn't let him down. he tried to take care of me this week, the poor man was so shellshocked last week he couldn't think some days. I am going to sign off and ask for your prayers in the days to come, it has been hard and this monday would have been his 32nd birthday. Good night all, thanks for letting me vent. W from Oz from Oz Has anyone heard from from Oz since her tragedy last week? I am hoping she is doing well and using LL to help her relax and stay calm throughout this ordeal. I'm praying for her and I know some of you are also. Loving Life(lift) Cristi __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 22, 2000 Report Share Posted July 22, 2000 Dearest , My heart is so filled with compassion for you as I read your message. I am so glad you can come here to release this and hopefully find some kind of comfort. I hope that those reading this will all reach into the deepest part of their hearts and allow you this moment to reach out for some healing. None of us knows what is in another's heart and we cannot and should not ever judge anyone. I pray that what your Dad believes is the truth. I will pray for your brother, for your family, for all those who loved him and most of all, I will pray for you. Your sweet heart has been badly bruised by all of this. I just want you to know that if you need to write to me personally to talk about this, that I am here for you. Know that you are loved, , and that you have friends here who care, Love, Rashelle From: DMWEN LifeLiftegroups Sent: Friday, July 21, 2000 7:46 PM Subject: Re: from Oz Hi Cristi, Hi all, I am still here checking my mail. Yes I am breathing, ithas come in handy the last two days because I feel I am having a littledelayed stress going on.I think the last two days has had the shock wearing off. I almost feel likeI have heard an anxiety attack described. So yes, the breathing has helped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 22, 2000 Report Share Posted July 22, 2000 Dear, Dear , You've been through so much. I would love to just put my arms around you and hold you until you felt better. My heart goes out to you. Reach out to God, and let Him hold you. He's the only one who can give you peace, especially during this time. Remember my prayers are with you and your family. Love, Liz ________________________________________________________________ YOU'RE PAYING TOO MUCH FOR THE INTERNET! Juno now offers FREE Internet Access! Try it today - there's no risk! For your FREE software, visit: http://dl.www.juno.com/get/tagj. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 22, 2000 Report Share Posted July 22, 2000 , You just vent all you want. I am so glad that you have us to vent too. I am so sorry that you are going through this. You do have my prayers helping you through it though. Sincerely,Karmahttp://loaves-n-fishes.com 25% Savings on Name Brand Vitamins and Food Supplements! Free $5.00! at this link! https://secure.paypal.x.com/refer/pal=karma%40loaves-n-fishes.com from OzHas anyone heard from from Oz since her tragedylast week? I am hoping she is doing well and using LLto help her relax and stay calm throughout thisordeal. I'm praying for her and I know some of youare also.Loving Life(lift)Cristi__________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 24, 2000 Report Share Posted July 24, 2000 , I feel honored to know that you feel you can confide in us. It took so much trust for you to share your feelings with us on this matter and I'm glad this is a safe place for you to do so. We are always here for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. > Hi Cristi, Hi all, I am still here checking my mail. Yes I am breathing, it > has come in handy the last two days because I feel I am having a little > delayed stress going on. > > As I said, I lost my brother Ed last weekend. His girlfriend had emailed me > because she had not heard from him for three days. She was all caps, > screaming, for me to go check on him, he is is Wichita, she from up north by > Lawrence, KS. I emailed her back saying that so many ppl pray for him every > day that he has to be ok. > > Well, when I went to check on him, I had banged on the front doors and > windows thinking he had come home and fallen asleep on his lunch break, his > truck was there. When I tried the door, I found him in the front room, he > had taken his own life with his revolver. > > I had to call the police and then I had to tell my dad, and my sisters and > brother. Give statements of everything I have seen,telling all my family > over and over what I did and saw. > > I think the last two days has had the shock wearing off. I almost feel like > I have heard an anxiety attack described. So yes, the breathing has helped. > I don't know why I was the one chosen to find him, because his boss tried > the door one hour before I got there and it was locked. I just walked in. No > problem. I do think it was a God thing, because my family has told me I was > the only one strong enough to handle it. I am glad I found him and my > parents didn't have to see what I did. I got to protect him from prying > eyes and morbid curiosity seekers. I cleaned up after him when two of my > very good friends and my cousin cut out the carpet. I protected him when he > was young and I got to do it again. The cops thought I was nuts, because I > said I would take care of it, and I would tell my folks, they were going to > send someone. I couldn't have a stranger telling them that their firstborn > son had committed suicide. My dad said he was glad I got to help him but > that he wishes I didn't have to see it. > > I am sorry to be so long, and to tell so much, but it seems to help to talk > about it. I am still in shock some, and now I feel like crying more, maybe > that will help to let it go. I cried the first four or five days but these > last six days have been a whirlwind. I hurt my foot monday night and my dad > said that God slowed me down to rest. I have to believe that. Between Ed and > the house, it has been a whirlwind. My foot was only bruised, no broken > bones. I am ok. > > We did get approved for the loan, and the contracts signed, now it is up to > the bank's appraiser. I thank you for your prayers and concern, your notes > really helped. My brother felt like he didn't fit into this world and had > asked God's forgiveness before he shot himself, he apologized to us for the > pain he was causing, but he had a pain he couldn't get past, a loneliness > only God knows of. We found a lot of alcohol in the house, and some > sleeping pills, we know he had been fighting depression on and off, he just > wouldn't let us know, he hid it too well. > > My dad is a drug and alcohol chaplain for a rehab clinic, he is trained to > watch for this and lives with the fact he didn't see it in Ed. We will live > with a lot of " why's " and " hows " and " ifs " , and only by the grace of God > will we get by. My dad believes we will meet again in heaven, that Ed is > forgiven, and that he was not in his right mind because of the alcohol, the > pain, and pills. I truly hope so, for I miss my " big " little brother. He > was such a tenderhearted and loving man. My kids adored him. His funeral > was standing room only, so many ppl loved him and he didn't feel or > experience that love. > > I need to go now, I jusst needed to share this with someone.My family and > friends have all that they can bear now. I have had to be the stong one and > help my parents and family do all this work. Not that they aren't strong > too, I don't know, everyone kept looking at my dad for decisions, and he > looked to me.. Icouldn't let him down. he tried to take care of me this > week, the poor man was so shellshocked last week he couldn't think some > days. I am going to sign off and ask for your prayers in the days to come, > it has been hard and this monday would have been his 32nd birthday. Good > night all, thanks for letting me vent. W from Oz > > > > from Oz > > > Has anyone heard from from Oz since her tragedy > last week? I am hoping she is doing well and using LL > to help her relax and stay calm throughout this > ordeal. I'm praying for her and I know some of you > are also. > > Loving Life(lift) > Cristi > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 27, 2000 Report Share Posted July 27, 2000 Me too . I am so sorry for what you are going through and will pray for you and your family. I'm glad we are here to help you in any way we can however small it may be. God bless, from Oz > > > > > > Has anyone heard from from Oz since her tragedy > > last week? I am hoping she is doing well and using LL > > to help her relax and stay calm throughout this > > ordeal. I'm praying for her and I know some of you > > are also. > > > > Loving Life(lift) > > Cristi > > > > __________________________________________________ > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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