Self Image

[Guest guest]

Oh my, I can truly relate to this!! Until I joined LPA @ age 30 I was

self conscious about my arms. I wanted so much to wear the pretty sundresses

and sleeveless tops, but chose not to because I hated my arms. At one point,

when I was about 15, I spoke w/ my orthopedist about straightening my arms-

just my arms. I had already had my legs straightened. He basically talked

me out of it.

It wasn't until I had my first physical exam by Dr Hurko at my first

convention that I truly began to feel comfortable in my own skin. I told him

about how i noticed that some achons didn't have the curvature in their arms

and others did. I explained that this made me feel worse b/c I thought all

other achons had curved arms. He said to me " no one is looking at your arms

here, they are looking at your face " I know this sounds rather simple, but,

I started to look at myself a different way. These words that Dr Hurko

spoke to me were the beginning of a new way of looking @ myself. They were

like magic. I love fashion and now I wear sleeveless tops and even halters!!

Once I learned to accept the way I looked, I learned to like the way I

looked.

I'm not sure how old your daughter is, but if she is a teenager

remember all teens go through a period of self consciousness no matter what

they look like. Maybe this is just a phase and when she becomes more

comfortable with herself as a person as she grows into womanhood she will see

how beautiful she really is; despite what others around her judge as

beautiful. Also, the more she is involved with other kids like her in LPA I

believe she will start to lose that self consciousness. I wish I hadn't been

so stubborn when I was younger when my parents tried to coax me into becoming

involved in LPA. I have no regrets now. I'm finally glad that I've reached

this comfort level with myself.

I'm sorry if I haven't really given any answers, but, I can totally

relate to how your daughter feels.

Thanks,

B

[Guest guest]

apryl writes:

<Jianna is still wearign long sleeved shirts and jackets in spite of it. Last

year it wasnt a big issue but for soem reason she is ever so self conscious

about her short curved arms. Anyoen have any ideas how to help her over this?>

Buy her some clothes too cute not to wear; you wnt to make clothes fun. Also,

start her off with short-sleeved shirts that just barely cover the elbow. Make

the pants capris; the slightly flared ones are supposedly hot for kids this

year. When she tries them on, DO NOT say anything about how they make her look

taller or " hide " whatever. Everytime my mother said that, I knew it was a " mom

lie, " told to make me feel better. Instead, focus on how great that color looks

on her, or how a ponytail/braid/whatever would look nice with it, or a certain

pair of shoes.

She's trying to do the clothes-as-camaflauge thing, instead of an expression of

who she is, which never works. It's also not too healthy for one's self-esteem.

good luck,

luthien

[Guest guest]

, you put it so well!  Sometimes we just need that little nudge to make us

realize that each of us is beautiful just as he/she is.

Apryl, as said, kids go through stages of not liking their bodies (my 5'7 "

gorgeous niece was sure for a while that she looked hideous because she has red

hair).  I think that all you can do is keep assuring her that YOU know she's

beautiful, and reminding her that we are all different and all have things about

our bodies we're not thrilled about.

When I was a kid I was sure I had Dumbo ears.  My mother never belittled this,

just told me that when I was grown, if I still wanted to I could see a plastic

surgeon and have my ears tucked back, fixed, whatever.  I took great comfort in

that . . . but of course by the time I was grown I realized I had pretty

ordinary ears - and by then had the attitude that anyone who didn't like my ears

had more of a problem than I did.

Alyce

(SED, age 45)

[Guest guest]

,

What a great email.

You are indeed a fortunate woman to have learned this lesson. Many people of all

sizes spend their lives hiding or wishing away their lives over physical

" differences " from the " normal " whatever the word normal means. I have yet to

find a definitive meaning where it concerns human beings, since no two of us are

alike, but it is certainly NOT Madison Avenue's image!

You only get one go around in this life, this is not a dress rehearsal, this is

the real thing and we need to live it, appreciate it and love it. We all need

to learn that we should " Bloom where you are planted. "

Re: self image

Oh my, I can truly relate to this!! Until I joined LPA @ age 30 I was

self conscious about my arms. I wanted so much to wear the pretty sundresses

and sleeveless tops, but chose not to because I hated my arms. At one point,

when I was about 15, I spoke w/ my orthopedist about straightening my arms-

just my arms. I had already had my legs straightened. He basically talked

me out of it.

It wasn't until I had my first physical exam by Dr Hurko at my first

convention that I truly began to feel comfortable in my own skin. I told him

about how i noticed that some achons didn't have the curvature in their arms

and others did. I explained that this made me feel worse b/c I thought all

other achons had curved arms. He said to me " no one is looking at your arms

here, they are looking at your face " I know this sounds rather simple, but,

I started to look at myself a different way. These words that Dr Hurko

spoke to me were the beginning of a new way of looking @ myself. They were

like magic. I love fashion and now I wear sleeveless tops and even halters!!

Once I learned to accept the way I looked, I learned to like the way I

looked.

I'm not sure how old your daughter is, but if she is a teenager

remember all teens go through a period of self consciousness no matter what

they look like. Maybe this is just a phase and when she becomes more

comfortable with herself as a person as she grows into womanhood she will see

how beautiful she really is; despite what others around her judge as

beautiful. Also, the more she is involved with other kids like her in LPA I

believe she will start to lose that self consciousness. I wish I hadn't been

so stubborn when I was younger when my parents tried to coax me into becoming

involved in LPA. I have no regrets now. I'm finally glad that I've reached

this comfort level with myself.

I'm sorry if I haven't really given any answers, but, I can totally

relate to how your daughter feels.

Thanks,

B

[Guest guest]

Hi there,

I thought that I would just give my two cents about this subject. I use

to be self conscienous about my arms the way they were bowed and the scars

from surgery on my legs. After talking with my mother about the problem she

told me that I had to learn to love myself for who I was. And my theory now

is. If they dont like the way I look or have a problem with it, then screw

it. Its them who are missing out. You shouldnt feel bad. They are the ones

who have the problem. Today's society has really dampened our outlook on life

because of the typical long legs and big chest theory. But thats not true.

There are great people out there who will like you for you. And if you look

like you are confident about yourself other people will see it too. I talk

from experience!!!!

AngelsRTru@... wrote: Its getting pretty warm out aroudn here...in the mid

to upper

80's...definitely short sleeve weather. However, Jianna is still wearign

long sleeved shirts and jackets in spite of it. Last year it wasnt a big

issue but for soem reason she is ever so self conscious about her short

curved arms. Anyoen have any ideas how to help her over this? The other day

it was so warm out and she took her new brother for a wagon ride with a long

sleeved black jacket on and was on the verge of heat exhaustion....complete

with red face. Help???

apryl

[Guest guest]

I emailed my mom and asked her if she had any advice to give

you...she gave me an idea to share. Along with what Karolyn

said... " Many people of all sizes spend their lives hiding or wishing

away their lives over physical " differences " from the " normal "

whatever the word normal means. "

My mom suggested that you bring your daughter to meet people of

various disabilities. That way she can see people who are better off

than her and worse off than her. It may help her self-esteem. Some of

these people may show that regardless of their disability or

differences, they like who they are.

Try contacting your Independent Living center in your state. they

have programs and mentor groups, and many more things to offer.

My self-esteem is fairly healthy. There are times when I want to wear

Cover-up clothes...but most of the time, I don't care as long as I

LIKE MY CLOTHES and who I am!

I hope this helps some. GQQDLUCK!

a

21*F*NH*SEDc

> ,

>

> What a great email.

>

> You are indeed a fortunate woman to have learned this lesson. Many

people of all sizes spend their lives hiding or wishing away their

lives over physical " differences " from the " normal " whatever the word

normal means. I have yet to find a definitive meaning where it

concerns human beings, since no two of us are alike, but it is

certainly NOT Madison Avenue's image!

>

> You only get one go around in this life, this is not a dress

rehearsal, this is the real thing and we need to live it, appreciate

it and love it. We all need to learn that we should " Bloom where you

are planted. "

>

>

> Re: self image

>

>

>

>

> Oh my, I can truly relate to this!! Until I joined LPA @

age 30 I was

> self conscious about my arms. I wanted so much to wear the

pretty sundresses

> and sleeveless tops, but chose not to because I hated my arms.

At one point,

> when I was about 15, I spoke w/ my orthopedist about

straightening my arms-

> just my arms. I had already had my legs straightened. He

basically talked

> me out of it.

>

> It wasn't until I had my first physical exam by Dr Hurko at

my first

> convention that I truly began to feel comfortable in my own

skin. I told him

> about how i noticed that some achons didn't have the curvature in

their arms

> and others did. I explained that this made me feel worse b/c I

thought all

> other achons had curved arms. He said to me " no one is looking

at your arms

> here, they are looking at your face " I know this sounds rather

simple, but,

> I started to look at myself a different way. These words that

Dr Hurko

> spoke to me were the beginning of a new way of looking @ myself.

They were

> like magic. I love fashion and now I wear sleeveless tops and

even halters!!

> Once I learned to accept the way I looked, I learned to like the

way I

> looked.

>

> I'm not sure how old your daughter is, but if she is a

teenager

> remember all teens go through a period of self consciousness no

matter what

> they look like. Maybe this is just a phase and when she becomes

more

> comfortable with herself as a person as she grows into womanhood

she will see

> how beautiful she really is; despite what others around her judge

as

> beautiful. Also, the more she is involved with other kids like

her in LPA I

> believe she will start to lose that self consciousness. I wish I

hadn't been

> so stubborn when I was younger when my parents tried to coax me

into becoming

> involved in LPA. I have no regrets now. I'm finally glad that

I've reached

> this comfort level with myself.

>

> I'm sorry if I haven't really given any answers, but, I can

totally

> relate to how your daughter feels.

>

> Thanks,

>

>

>

>

>

>

> B

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Finally getting a chance to catch up on all the e-mails. Good grief, we're a

talkative bunch.

Two posts for the price of one today:

First, not to stir up a dying flame, but before today, I didn't see the

posting from Danny that got everyone so stirred up. So I'm going to say

something.

Danny, you and everyone on the list know how I feel about your postings. But

the Duke thing? That was a bit much.

And now I'm going to respond to the post at hand ...

> 80's...definitely short sleeve weather. However, Jianna is still wearign

> long sleeved shirts and jackets in spite of it. Last year it wasnt a big

> issue but for soem reason she is ever so self conscious about her short

> curved arms. Anyoen have any ideas how to help her over this?

I don't know quite how to respond to this one. Personally, I have the same

problem. I wear pants, jeans, whatever, year-round because I'm

self-conscious about my leg. I have been an amputee since the age of 6 and I

wear a below-knee prosthesis.

But for what it's worth? When I go to the gym, I have to wear shorts, and

nobody seems to really notice.

[Guest guest]

Dear ers,

The trick to maximizing the possibility of reaching my optimal self is finding a

balance of what my muscles and nerves are realistically capable of and then very

gradually increasing the activity, amount of weight, and/or resistance.

Self-image is very important for my spirit. My self-image changed as I have

grown up lived, worked, and lived with CMT.

This required many adjustments; to the way I value myself, as well as how I see

my roles, and how I relate to those around me, and how others relate to me. I've

discovered there are many skills involved in making these transitions.

I continually restructure my life so that I remain spiritually connected,

physically active, intellectually challenged, socially connected, and

emotionally balanced.

Each morning I ask myself, what purpose does my life have today? What

contribution do I make back to humanity, to life, today? In some ways, this is

redesigning myself

by realigning my purpose to adapt to change.

If I can find wonderment in any " experience " , I stay open to embrace my journey

and set realistic expectations for my spirit. This has stopped the frustration,

struggle and disappointment.

It seems with years of meditation and the right amount of exercise, my symptoms

have improved, especially when I stopped overtaxing my muscles. Learning how to

stop an activity before the pain or nerve sensations increase is the key.

A brand new year unfolds before us. Is there one thing in life you always wanted

to do but never did? Is this something you can figure out how to do now with the

any limitations you have? These new adventures, new hobbies, new skills,

represent a work in progress for the remaking of a new you. By taking up new

hobbies and activities, I have no basis for comparison from my abilities before

compared with my abilities now. The experience is therefore rewarding.

I encourage you to consider new areas of pursuit, and to surround yourself with

a support system that will help you look at the whole person you are. is

here standing strong for you with much understanding and hope. All of us have

great courage to live positive lives with such uncertainty.

It's okay to take a rest, reassess, and then decide which direction to move

next. Trial and error is the way in which most of us proceed. Do not forget to

admire your own perservance.

Gretchen

Founder/Moderator

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I agree with you in general. Self-image and self-esteem are the keys. If we have

got those things right, then we can like and accept ourselves! I feel that I

have high self esteem. I know I am capale of many things. I am a scientist and

have got a research job at a biomed company.

So I know I am good at something, otherwise they would not have hired me, let me

stay (worked there for 11 years now...) or payed me that much.

But self-image is another thing. I think it means that you feel comfortable with

yourself, not what you do, but who you are. I am working on that part! I think

it got a lot better after I got my son, so now my self-image is okay, but it is

not on the same level as my self esteem.

So I am still struggling with the part that I think Geri already has - to feel

that I am good enough as I am. I really want to be better! Look better, walk

better... I try to invent things that make me feel that way. It is not just

about CMT, but I try to improve in a way that I know is working sometimes (like

buying clothes!). It would be a lot better to just accept my failures and

limitations, so it would be great if others wrote about how they did it!

Beata

P.S. After that I had my son, I changed focus, from " ME " to " HIM " . It's a lot

easier to feel content about life when we focus on someone else!

[Guest guest]

Hello,

I do research related to psychology and human behaviors.

Self-image is about how we " feel " about ourselves.

People tend to have interpersonal problems, e.g,, relationship,

if he or she doesn't feel good about himself or herself.

When someone doesn't really feel good about himself or herself,

she or he tend to take other people's feelings toward him or her, and

thus using other people's feelings as his own or her own feelings about himself

or herself.

How to feel good about ourselves?

Why not?

Being alive itself is very precious.

To be alive is to feel good.

Accept ourselves the way we really are.

Enjoy the feeling of being alive and what we really are.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Beata,

 

I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to look better or improve and I hope

this conversation doesn't cause women to search for self-image issues in

themselves when they may not be any.

 

The way I see it…if our self-image it isn’t having a negative impact on our

life, then why worry about it?  (Examples of negative impact:  Preventing one

from socializing, enjoying life, feeling worthy of marrying or finding

happiness, etc.)

 

To me, accepting one’s disability is akin to accepting other flaws, such as

having an imperfect figure.  It’s perfectly fine to downplay the flaws or

even hide them when presenting oneself to the world, but if it starts to

interfere with one’s life or ability to achieve intimacy, success, or

happiness, then it’s a problem that should be addressed.

 

At the opposite extreme, if accepting oneselves is interpreted as giving up and

discontinuing efforts to improve, that could be negative too, depending on the

situation.

 

Either extreme can be a mental obstacle to happiness.  And, I agree, hearing

how others overcame these obstacles can be encouraging.

 

From: Beata Boo <beataboo@...>

Subject: Re: Self image

Date: Wednesday, September 23, 2009, 1:41 AM

 

Hi ,

I agree with you in general. Self-image and self-esteem are the keys. If we have

got those things right, then we can like and accept ourselves! I feel that I

have high self esteem. I know I am capale of many things. I am a scientist and

have got a research job at a biomed company.

So I know I am good at something, otherwise they would not have hired me, let me

stay (worked there for 11 years now...) or payed me that much.

But self-image is another thing. I think it means that you feel comfortable with

yourself, not what you do, but who you are. I am working on that part! I think

it got a lot better after I got my son, so now my self-image is okay, but it is

not on the same level as my self esteem.

So I am still struggling with the part that I think Geri already has - to feel

that I am good enough as I am. I really want to be better! Look better, walk

better... I try to invent things that make me feel that way. It is not just

about CMT, but I try to improve in a way that I know is working sometimes (like

buying clothes!). It would be a lot better to just accept my failures and

limitations, so it would be great if others wrote about how they did it!

Beata

P.S. After that I had my son, I changed focus, from " ME " to " HIM " . It's a lot

easier to feel content about life when we focus on someone else!

[Guest guest]

I used to hide my disability. When my slight limp would be noticed, I would

cringe. I was desperate to appear " normal " .

Who gets to say that disability is something " less than " and needs to be

disguised? I have learned that the things I always believed about myself were

lies... I wasn't damaged, defective, shameful. My feet are beautiful. Different

than average, certainly. And beautiful never the less. The way I carry myself

with grace, the way I am interested in other peoples' well being, the way I pay

attention to grooming, fashion, etc. All of that contributes to my own

self-esteem, and it makes other people feel good. Ergo, they see me as

beautiful. Not in a Madison Avenue kind of way, but in an uplifting of the human

spirit kind of way.

When people with disabilities love and affirm themselves, it frees everybody to

begin to do the same thing. Most people, able-bodied or disabled, suffer from

the same tyranny of lies that we " aren't good enough.

So go do something today that makes you feel beautiful... smile alot, wear

attractive clothing, do something kind for somebody else. Stop assuming that

others are judging you as defective/pitiable etc. Instead, live out of the truth

that somebody with a disability can carry enormous, positive transformational

power to the world.

Peace,

Lynna

[Guest guest]

Sharon – Congratulations to your daughter on getting her new job!  That’s

great and it sounds like she has a wonderful perspective on life.  You must

have done some things right!  So glad she’s able to pursue her passion. 

That’s terrific.

 

Lynna – Congratulations on breaking free from the shame that was placed on

you.  It sounds like you’ve made tremendous progress in overcoming these

negatives in your life by loving yourself and those around you.  Great job!  I

completely agree with your statements about the power of positive energy.

 

To all - I know it seems like we’ve been talking about this topic for a while

now and I apologize to those who don’t find it an interesting topic to

explore, but I have found it very helpful to hear what others are saying on this

issue and try to understand the journey others have taken and to explore things

within myself.

 

I didn’t grow up knowing I had CMT, so I had no idea I had any type of

disease.  I just knew that I was weak and had a deformed foot.  In my family,

there was never any negative attachment placed on my deformity.  My dad had it,

his mom had it.  It wasn’t a big deal.  In no way was I ever made to feel

that the shape of my foot would have any impact on my value as a person or my

ability to contribute to society.  So I found it very surprising and sad to

hear the stories of others who were raised to believe that they were in some way

inferior because their body was different.  That seems like a very difficult

thing to psychologically overcome, so I appreciate the journey many of you

(Geri, Lynna, and others) have taken.

 

In my world, as a kid, my physical challenges weren’t negatively labeled.  I

wasn’t perfect, but I was taught that no one is perfect.  We all have

imperfections.  I have a deformity and yes, that’s a physical flaw, but that

in no way makes me a lesser person.  My physical shape does not define my inner

character, where true beauty emanates. 

 

Likewise, no positive labels were attached to my deformity either, such as this

makes me a more beautiful person.  It was simply a non-issue as far as defining

who I am.

 

We learned that everyone has flaws.  Some kids had crooked teeth or high

foreheads or big ears…on an on.  If the unusual thing could be corrected or

changed, that was great.  If not, then the person just needed to learn to

accept it and move on.  None of these things defined the individuals, but if

they could be changed or de-emphasized, that’s what people did.  Although,

occasionally a kid would embrace the difference and celebrate it and that was ok

too.

 

This topic has bothered me, because I sense that some people have taken the

position that it’s wrong to hide one’s disability.

 

I’ve listened to what others have said and given it a lot of thought and my

conclusion is that there is no right or wrong way to cope with our

disabilities.  If we find a way that works for us individually, that’s the

“right†way and it should be celebrated by others. 

 

To illustrate…

 

Let’s say that a woman is undergoing chemotherapy treatments and she has lost

most of her hair.  She can cope with this extremely difficult situation in many

different ways.   She may choose to wear a wig, or she may opt to wear a

scarf, or she may simply prefer to shave her head completely and “rock†the

bald look. 

 

Which path is the correct one?   None!  They are all great. 

 

Whichever path allows the woman to get to a place of self-acceptance and be able

to feel comfortable, lovable, in control, and able to enjoy life again, that’s

the right path.

 

This woman doesn’t need to feel a sense of obligation to prove anything to

society or to change misperceptions of others.   Of course, some women may

choose to take that task on and that’s wonderful, more power to them!  But

for those who choose to remain low key, there is no shame.

 

The same is true with CMT.  One person may choose to cover her braces (or

deformed feet or thin legs).  Another may choose to display them.  Whatever

makes the person feel the best and the most empowered, that’s the right

choice.

 

We are all different with different personalities and styles.  We shouldn’t

be judged or shamed for the path we choose.  We should be celebrated for

arriving at the destination of self-acceptance.

 

This is the conclusion I’ve reached.  I certainly welcome the viewpoints of

others.  You are welcome to email me privately if you’d like to discuss this

further and share with me anything you think I’ve overlooked or missed. 

 

Congratulations to those who have overcome the negative labels and the shame. 

Thank you for sharing your stories and thank you Gretchen for allowing several

of us here to engage in this self-exploration exercise.

 

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Thanks for this post! I started to feel strange about wanting to look good, felt

it was a " weakness " . But now I feel better! I agree that it can be okay to

do that unless it is hindering in any way, as you said. I think most people try

to hide their flaws, like wearing a bra makes breasts look better or make up to

hide bags under the eyes. I always saw it as a natural thing to do, and there

are ways to handle CMT this way too. Like wearing braces or other aids, which

makes me walk better. I don't think I overdo it, and I have good relationships

and I am happy most of the time, so my self-image is probably not that bad. 

Thanks again,

Beata

________________________________

From: <agraham2k@...>

Sent: Thursday, September 24, 2009 5:59:44 PM

Subject: Re: Self image

 

Hi Beata,

 

I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to look better or improve and I hope

this conversation doesn't cause women to search for self-image issues in

themselves when they may not be any.

 

The way I see it…if our self-image it isn’t having a negative impact on our

life, then why worry about it?  (Examples of negative impact:  Preventing one

from socializing, enjoying life, feeling worthy of marrying or finding

happiness, etc.)

 

To me, accepting one’s disability is akin to accepting other flaws, such as

having an imperfect figure.  It’s perfectly fine to downplay the flaws or

even hide them when presenting oneself to the world, but if it starts to

interfere with one’s life or ability to achieve intimacy, success, or

happiness, then it’s a problem that should be addressed.

 

At the opposite extreme, if accepting oneselves is interpreted as giving up and

discontinuing efforts to improve, that could be negative too, depending on the

situation.

 

Either extreme can be a mental obstacle to happiness.  And, I agree, hearing

how others overcame these obstacles can be encouraging.

 

From: Beata Boo <beataboo (DOT) com>

Subject: Re: Self image

groups (DOT) com

Date: Wednesday, September 23, 2009, 1:41 AM

 

Hi ,

I agree with you in general. Self-image and self-esteem are the keys. If we have

got those things right, then we can like and accept ourselves! I feel that I

have high self esteem. I know I am capale of many things. I am a scientist and

have got a research job at a biomed company.

So I know I am good at something, otherwise they would not have hired me, let me

stay (worked there for 11 years now...) or payed me that much.

But self-image is another thing. I think it means that you feel comfortable with

yourself, not what you do, but who you are. I am working on that part! I think

it got a lot better after I got my son, so now my self-image is okay, but it is

not on the same level as my self esteem.

So I am still struggling with the part that I think Geri already has - to feel

that I am good enough as I am. I really want to be better! Look better, walk

better... I try to invent things that make me feel that way. It is not just

about CMT, but I try to improve in a way that I know is working sometimes (like

buying clothes!). It would be a lot better to just accept my failures and

limitations, so it would be great if others wrote about how they did it!

Beata

P.S. After that I had my son, I changed focus, from " ME " to " HIM " . It's a lot

easier to feel content about life when we focus on someone else!

[Guest guest]

I loved your post Lynna!

I 5 million per cent agree with you and it is with this acceptance, outlook and

positivity that I strive to live each day. I may not always succeed, but I know

that I try.

Thank you for adding more sunshine to my sunny day in London.

Donna

www.myfitnessyear.com