help!

[Guest guest]

My daughter is on Risperdal and Zoloft. We had a lot of trouble with the

Risperdal until we got up to a dose that controlled things for her. Prior to

that,

she was having panic attacks and a lot of other trouble while we were going

up in dose. She had been on Seroquel with the Risperdal and that worked at

controlling the panic attacks, but not other things. My daughter's pdoc is big

on

using relaxation techniques as well. Does your son do anything with trying to

control his breathing? My daughter had a hard time with the obsessive thoughts

anytime her meds needed to be changed. I am not sure about the tic though,

sorry. Good luck. Kim

In a message dated 3/30/2006 9:45:25 AM Central Standard Time,

Skbradfield@... writes:

The new doctor put him on risperdal and Lexapro. He

is only getting .5 right now of the Lexapro. He has been taking it for five

days. He has developed this tick sound from his throat. I ask him why he

keeps making the sound and he said his brain tells him he has to make it. He

said

sometimes he doesn't realize he is doing it. I wonder if this is a temp.

side affect? Not sure what to do???????

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/30/2006 9:38:45 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

Skbradfield@... writes:

I have

tried to call the doctor who is not returning my calls.

Sheree

I don't know what to say about your son's reaction to the medication,

although I'm sure there will be someone on the board with some words of advice.

With regard to your doctor not returning your calls when they pertain to

your child's reaction to medication he/she prescribed - try this - show up at

doc's office & refuse to leave until someone talks to you. Better yet if there

are people in the waiting room that hear you say " my son is reacting

strangely to the medication & no one here seems to be returning my phone

calls. "

I'm sure you'll be swept into a room to see someone pretty darn quick. Once

you get in, ask about any other side effects they failed to tell you about

that you should watch for. There is no excuse for being treated that way by a

doctors office.

LT

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/30/2006 9:38:45 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

Skbradfield@... writes:

I have

tried to call the doctor who is not returning my calls.

Sheree

I don't know what to say about your son's reaction to the medication,

although I'm sure there will be someone on the board with some words of advice.

With regard to your doctor not returning your calls when they pertain to

your child's reaction to medication he/she prescribed - try this - show up at

doc's office & refuse to leave until someone talks to you. Better yet if there

are people in the waiting room that hear you say " my son is reacting

strangely to the medication & no one here seems to be returning my phone

calls. "

I'm sure you'll be swept into a room to see someone pretty darn quick. Once

you get in, ask about any other side effects they failed to tell you about

that you should watch for. There is no excuse for being treated that way by a

doctors office.

LT

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/30/2006 10:45:27 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

Skbradfield@... writes:

He is well known in his field but is like 75 years old and doesn't have a

secretary. He apparently lives up the street from his office and checks in

when he needs to.

Sheree

I see where you might want to be 'understanding' of doc's situation, however

with him prescribing new meds for your child - maybe he would be good enough

to give you an alternative phone number to call in case he has a problem

with the meds & you feel you need to get through right away. I think I'd be a

little uncomfortable with the situation your in... I may be more paranoid than

others though!

LT

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/30/2006 10:45:27 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

Skbradfield@... writes:

He is well known in his field but is like 75 years old and doesn't have a

secretary. He apparently lives up the street from his office and checks in

when he needs to.

Sheree

I see where you might want to be 'understanding' of doc's situation, however

with him prescribing new meds for your child - maybe he would be good enough

to give you an alternative phone number to call in case he has a problem

with the meds & you feel you need to get through right away. I think I'd be a

little uncomfortable with the situation your in... I may be more paranoid than

others though!

LT

[Guest guest]

Sheree, anyone else at the doctor's office that could advise?? If

not, call your pharmacist. The pharmacist might can advise to some

degree. Might even be able to get your doc to return the calls.

Just what all meds has your son tried? Just on the one med now?

Asking as there are meds for OCD that are not SSRI meds.

>

> I need help with what to do about medications for me son. We have

been

> through most of the medications used for OCD. My son has terrible

side affects

> from the medications. His OCD actually gets worse. He is 11 and

going through

[Guest guest]

Are you close to the Nashville or Hermitage area? We have an awesome

psychiatric nurse practitioner who speicailizes in children and

adolescents and always returns phone calls right away or emails right

away. Since you said this doctor is new and not returning your phone

calls, I'd be glad to give you a referral if you are close. Sorry, I

don't know how to answer your question though - the doc really should

be calling you back.

>

> I need help with what to do about medications for me son. We have

been

> through most of the medications used for OCD. My son has terrible

side affects

> from the medications. His OCD actually gets worse. He is 11 and

going through

> puberty and he is really having a tough time. We have moved, and we

started a

> new doctor. The new doctor changed his medication again. He has

been on it for

> six days and with in a few days started a tic from the medication.

I have

> tried to call the doctor who is not returning my calls. What do

you do if the

> medication isn't working and your son is obsessing so bad he can't

relax?

>

> Sheree

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Are you close to the Nashville or Hermitage area? We have an awesome

psychiatric nurse practitioner who speicailizes in children and

adolescents and always returns phone calls right away or emails right

away. Since you said this doctor is new and not returning your phone

calls, I'd be glad to give you a referral if you are close. Sorry, I

don't know how to answer your question though - the doc really should

be calling you back.

>

> I need help with what to do about medications for me son. We have

been

> through most of the medications used for OCD. My son has terrible

side affects

> from the medications. His OCD actually gets worse. He is 11 and

going through

> puberty and he is really having a tough time. We have moved, and we

started a

> new doctor. The new doctor changed his medication again. He has

been on it for

> six days and with in a few days started a tic from the medication.

I have

> tried to call the doctor who is not returning my calls. What do

you do if the

> medication isn't working and your son is obsessing so bad he can't

relax?

>

> Sheree

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sorry, I thought you lived in Tennessee. I since have seen the later

post indicating you have moved to Georgia. Nevermind about the nurse

practioner, but I think you are definitely doing the right thing by

making a change in docs. I would not like messing with medication

changes and not being able to reach the prescriber in a reasonable

amount of time.

> >

> > I need help with what to do about medications for me son. We have

> been

> > through most of the medications used for OCD. My son has terrible

> side affects

> > from the medications. His OCD actually gets worse. He is 11 and

> going through

> > puberty and he is really having a tough time. We have moved, and

we

> started a

> > new doctor. The new doctor changed his medication again. He has

> been on it for

> > six days and with in a few days started a tic from the

medication.

> I have

> > tried to call the doctor who is not returning my calls. What

do

> you do if the

> > medication isn't working and your son is obsessing so bad he

can't

> relax?

> >

> > Sheree

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Sorry, I thought you lived in Tennessee. I since have seen the later

post indicating you have moved to Georgia. Nevermind about the nurse

practioner, but I think you are definitely doing the right thing by

making a change in docs. I would not like messing with medication

changes and not being able to reach the prescriber in a reasonable

amount of time.

> >

> > I need help with what to do about medications for me son. We have

> been

> > through most of the medications used for OCD. My son has terrible

> side affects

> > from the medications. His OCD actually gets worse. He is 11 and

> going through

> > puberty and he is really having a tough time. We have moved, and

we

> started a

> > new doctor. The new doctor changed his medication again. He has

> been on it for

> > six days and with in a few days started a tic from the

medication.

> I have

> > tried to call the doctor who is not returning my calls. What

do

> you do if the

> > medication isn't working and your son is obsessing so bad he

can't

> relax?

> >

> > Sheree

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Could you say how long the other meds were tried?

From my own experience I experience a ridiculous flare-up in ocd in

the first weeks of an ssri - a lot of it smoothed out after two

weeks - another noticable decrease by 6 weeks - and at 12 weeks the

last of the flare up was gone -

2 weeks to know if the behavioral sideeffects are awful

6 weeks to know if there's a good shot at it helping

12 weeks for full effect

>

> I need help with what to do about medications for me son. We have

been

> through most of the medications used for OCD. My son has terrible

side affects

> from the medications. His OCD actually gets worse. He is 11 and

going through

> puberty and he is really having a tough time. We have moved, and we

started a

> new doctor. The new doctor changed his medication again. He has

been on it for

> six days and with in a few days started a tic from the medication.

I have

> tried to call the doctor who is not returning my calls. What do

you do if the

> medication isn't working and your son is obsessing so bad he can't

relax?

>

> Sheree

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Eat a healthy meal before you go and graze on their unhealthy stuff.

You admit you don't have to lose weight. So it won't kill you to eat

a LITTLE something unhealthy for 1 meal. Then on easter, you can

have one clean meal and cheat the rest of the day - just divide your

cheat day up.

I think it'd be rude to go to their house when they invited you for

dinner and bring your own stuff or not eat anything. I understand

you've made promises to yourself, but in my mind, sharing a meal

with friends - even a small bit of one - needs to take greater

importance that your diet, esp when you aren't trying to lose weight.

Another suggestion: call and offer to bring something. We usually

always bring something to a meal - why not offer to made a side dish

or bring a salad?

>

> My fiancee and I have been invited to dinner tomorrow at his

friend's. They eat NOTHING healthy! I know there won't even be salad

there. They even deep fry turkey. The problem is, the wife is

offended at the mention of bringing something. My fiancee is very

against this program b/c of my history of eating disorders. He wants

me to eat like a " normal " person, so he won't ask them what they're

having and he gets angry when I suggest bringing some food for

myself. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't want to

take a free day until Sunday for Easter. I know that I don't need to

lose weight, but I want to stay true to my goals and promises to

myself. Any suggestions?

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Blab-away for as little as 1¢/min. Make PC-to-Phone Calls using

Messenger with Voice.

>

>

[Guest guest]

This is a tough one.

Given that you don't want to lose weight, I might be tempted to say

-- just don't worry about it.

Suggest that you try to think of it in the sense that it's good to

keep your body guessing.

And there is something friendly about just trying to go with the flow.

BUT I wonder if going with the flow is exactly was isn't feeling OK

with you.

When you say " I want to stay true to my goals and promises to myself "

does that mean

that it feels important to your sense of self to protect your own

boundaries, be in change of your own body, your own destiny?

Is there a way to go with the flow in this situation that doesn't

feel like you are violating yourself? A way to do it that makes you

feel even more in charge of your own path, your own destiny?

Is that what it's about or am I way off base here?

felicity

> My fiancee and I have been invited to dinner tomorrow at his

> friend's. They eat NOTHING healthy! I know there won't even be

> salad there. They even deep fry turkey. The problem is, the wife is

> offended at the mention of bringing something. My fiancee is very

> against this program b/c of my history of eating disorders. He

> wants me to eat like a " normal " person, so he won't ask them what

> they're having and he gets angry when I suggest bringing some food

> for myself. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't

> want to take a free day until Sunday for Easter. I know that I

> don't need to lose weight, but I want to stay true to my goals and

> promises to myself. Any suggestions?

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Blab-away for as little as 1¢/min. Make PC-to-Phone Calls using

> Messenger with Voice.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Tara, are you standing up for the principle of it, just to stand up?

Do you feel like financee doesn't support you, so you MUST stay true

to your plan?

THis sounds more, to me, like a relationship-compromise issue. And

to be honest, I've found life works a lot better when you let go of

some of the more flexible principles and compromise.

>

> > My fiancee and I have been invited to dinner tomorrow at his

> > friend's. They eat NOTHING healthy! I know there won't even be

> > salad there. They even deep fry turkey. The problem is, the wife

is

> > offended at the mention of bringing something. My fiancee is

very

> > against this program b/c of my history of eating disorders. He

> > wants me to eat like a " normal " person, so he won't ask them

what

> > they're having and he gets angry when I suggest bringing some

food

> > for myself. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't

> > want to take a free day until Sunday for Easter. I know that I

> > don't need to lose weight, but I want to stay true to my goals

and

> > promises to myself. Any suggestions?

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Blab-away for as little as 1¢/min. Make PC-to-Phone Calls

using

> > Messenger with Voice.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Tara,

I've been in similar situations. My first suggestion is to offer to

bring something (and I believe someone else also mentioned that).

There's no reason sharing a meal w/ friends should put you on the

defensive. Make sure you eat a small balanced meal that leaves a

little room for later before you leave the house. Put food on your

plate, keep the portions small and talk a lot and enjoy the

company...then no one will notice what you're eating or have time to

be offended by your choices. This is a program for life and being w/

friends and in social situations should be taken in stride and with a

smile. As long as you don't feel you're compromising beyond your

comfort zone making some adjustments should be just fine. Have fun

and enjoy your dinner!

>

> My fiancee and I have been invited to dinner tomorrow at his

friend's. They eat NOTHING healthy! I know there won't even be salad

there. They even deep fry turkey. The problem is, the wife is

offended at the mention of bringing something. My fiancee is very

against this program b/c of my history of eating disorders. He wants

me to eat like a " normal " person, so he won't ask them what they're

having and he gets angry when I suggest bringing some food for

myself. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't want to

take a free day until Sunday for Easter. I know that I don't need to

lose weight, but I want to stay true to my goals and promises to

myself. Any suggestions?

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Blab-away for as little as 1¢/min. Make PC-to-Phone Calls using

Messenger with Voice.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Tara

Since you sound like a person who is very conscious, very self

disciplined and very determined and HAPPY to " stay on track " - in

the grand scheme of things - I don't think this one night out will

make any real difference. Just go and enjoy yourself. Watch your

portions, smile and have some fun. It will be OK.

> >

> > My fiancee and I have been invited to dinner tomorrow at his

> friend's. They eat NOTHING healthy! I know there won't even be

salad

> there. They even deep fry turkey. The problem is, the wife is

> offended at the mention of bringing something. My fiancee is very

> against this program b/c of my history of eating disorders. He

wants

> me to eat like a " normal " person, so he won't ask them what

they're

> having and he gets angry when I suggest bringing some food for

> myself. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't want

to

> take a free day until Sunday for Easter. I know that I don't need

to

> lose weight, but I want to stay true to my goals and promises to

> myself. Any suggestions?

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Blab-away for as little as 1¢/min. Make PC-to-Phone Calls using

> Messenger with Voice.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Tara,

Like many of the other women have suggested, eating dinner out with friends is

going to be something you do for the rest of your life... and the BFL program is

meant to accomodate such things - as far as I can tell. While I understand your

frustration with the wife getting upset if you suggest bringing something, you

COULD just take something (salad, etc). I know that if we get invited to dinner

at family or friends, I almost always take a salad, regardless. Some might say

that it tacky not to ask first, but I always like to have something there I know

I can endulge on. HA HA. But, you did say you don't need to lose any weight,

so I would say if you don't feel comfortable taking something (fear of upsetting

your friends or your husband), then I say just have a very small portion of

whatever they are serving. It might be easier to just do that instead of

banging your head against a wall in protest because you want to take something

(not saying that's what you would do,

but reminds me of something I might do, ha ha).

Bottom line... it isn't worth stressing over... life happens, and I think it is

great you want to stay true to yourself... but is one little meal going to open

a flood gate for you to go downhill? No... because you are very strong willed

from what i can see - so I wouldn't worry too much about it.. just eat small

portions! :-)

Good luck..! Let us know how dinner goes!

Tara Winnett wrote: My fiancee and I have been

invited to dinner tomorrow at his friend's. They eat NOTHING healthy! I know

there won't even be salad there. They even deep fry turkey. The problem is, the

wife is offended at the mention of bringing something. My fiancee is very

against this program b/c of my history of eating disorders. He wants me to eat

like a " normal " person, so he won't ask them what they're having and he gets

angry when I suggest bringing some food for myself. I don't want to hurt

anyone's feelings, but I don't want to take a free day until Sunday for Easter.

I know that I don't need to lose weight, but I want to stay true to my goals and

promises to myself. Any suggestions?

---------------------------------

Talk is cheap. Use Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great rates

starting at 1 & cent;/min.

[Guest guest]

Thanks for all the help and suggestions! No, I'm not just standing up just to

stand up. I'm sort of a perfectionist, and I hate messing up and I tend to

adhere to a strict schedule, which I know is bad. Also, I guess I'm a little

afraid if I start eating bad foods, I won't be able to stop. I have quite the

history of starving myself, bingeing, starving, etc. I just don't trust myself

yet to control portions and I don't want to feel bad about myself the next day.

I'm going to try to eat a little beforehand, and make the best choices I can

while I'm there.

gentle_reign_1 wrote: Tara,

I've been in similar situations. My first suggestion is to offer to

bring something (and I believe someone else also mentioned that).

There's no reason sharing a meal w/ friends should put you on the

defensive. Make sure you eat a small balanced meal that leaves a

little room for later before you leave the house. Put food on your

plate, keep the portions small and talk a lot and enjoy the

company...then no one will notice what you're eating or have time to

be offended by your choices. This is a program for life and being w/

friends and in social situations should be taken in stride and with a

smile. As long as you don't feel you're compromising beyond your

comfort zone making some adjustments should be just fine. Have fun

and enjoy your dinner!

>

> My fiancee and I have been invited to dinner tomorrow at his

friend's. They eat NOTHING healthy! I know there won't even be salad

there. They even deep fry turkey. The problem is, the wife is

offended at the mention of bringing something. My fiancee is very

against this program b/c of my history of eating disorders. He wants

me to eat like a " normal " person, so he won't ask them what they're

having and he gets angry when I suggest bringing some food for

myself. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't want to

take a free day until Sunday for Easter. I know that I don't need to

lose weight, but I want to stay true to my goals and promises to

myself. Any suggestions?

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Blab-away for as little as 1¢/min. Make PC-to-Phone Calls using

Messenger with Voice.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Honestly, I would go and have fun and eat like a normal person and not

make a big deal. Normal people can go to other people's houses and eat

without any sort of bargaining, boundary setting, or emotional

turmoil. Enjoy your time with friends and don't stress about the food.

If your goals and promises include from an eating disorder, letting go

of your control issues with food for just that one evening would be a

step in the right direction and excellent practice. It's one meal.

It's not like the people are going to follow you home and feed you

bites of fried turkey for the rest of the week. ;-)

> My fiancee and I have been invited to dinner tomorrow at his friend's. They

eat NOTHING healthy! I know there won't even be salad there. They even deep fry

turkey. The problem is, the wife is offended at the mention of bringing

something. My fiancee is very against this program b/c of my history of eating

disorders. He wants me to eat like a " normal " person, so he won't ask them what

they're having and he gets angry when I suggest bringing some food for myself. I

don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't want to take a free day until

Sunday for Easter. I know that I don't need to lose weight, but I want to stay

true to my goals and promises to myself. Any suggestions?

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Blab-away for as little as 1¢/min. Make PC-to-Phone Calls using

Messenger with Voice.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Have you thought about just making that day your free day? Then you

wouldn't have to worry about it.

Re: Re: Help!

> Thanks for all the help and suggestions! No, I'm not just standing up just

> to stand up. I'm sort of a perfectionist, and I hate messing up and I

> tend to adhere to a strict schedule, which I know is bad. Also, I guess

> I'm a little afraid if I start eating bad foods, I won't be able to stop.

> I have quite the history of starving myself, bingeing, starving, etc. I

> just don't trust myself yet to control portions and I don't want to feel

> bad about myself the next day. I'm going to try to eat a little

> beforehand, and make the best choices I can while I'm there.

>

> gentle_reign_1 wrote: Tara,

> I've been in similar situations. My first suggestion is to offer to

> bring something (and I believe someone else also mentioned that).

> There's no reason sharing a meal w/ friends should put you on the

> defensive. Make sure you eat a small balanced meal that leaves a

> little room for later before you leave the house. Put food on your

> plate, keep the portions small and talk a lot and enjoy the

> company...then no one will notice what you're eating or have time to

> be offended by your choices. This is a program for life and being w/

> friends and in social situations should be taken in stride and with a

> smile. As long as you don't feel you're compromising beyond your

> comfort zone making some adjustments should be just fine. Have fun

> and enjoy your dinner!

>

>

>>

>> My fiancee and I have been invited to dinner tomorrow at his

> friend's. They eat NOTHING healthy! I know there won't even be salad

> there. They even deep fry turkey. The problem is, the wife is

> offended at the mention of bringing something. My fiancee is very

> against this program b/c of my history of eating disorders. He wants

> me to eat like a " normal " person, so he won't ask them what they're

> having and he gets angry when I suggest bringing some food for

> myself. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't want to

> take a free day until Sunday for Easter. I know that I don't need to

> lose weight, but I want to stay true to my goals and promises to

> myself. Any suggestions?

>>

>>

>> ---------------------------------

>> Blab-away for as little as 1¢/min. Make PC-to-Phone Calls using

> Messenger with Voice.

>>

>>

[Guest guest]

Well, when you put it like that, I feel really silly getting so worried about

it. :-)

Skwigg wrote: Honestly, I would go and have fun and eat like

a normal person and not

make a big deal. Normal people can go to other people's houses and eat

without any sort of bargaining, boundary setting, or emotional

turmoil. Enjoy your time with friends and don't stress about the food.

If your goals and promises include from an eating disorder, letting go

of your control issues with food for just that one evening would be a

step in the right direction and excellent practice. It's one meal.

It's not like the people are going to follow you home and feed you

bites of fried turkey for the rest of the week. ;-)

> My fiancee and I have been invited to dinner tomorrow at his friend's. They

eat NOTHING healthy! I know there won't even be salad there. They even deep fry

turkey. The problem is, the wife is offended at the mention of bringing

something. My fiancee is very against this program b/c of my history of eating

disorders. He wants me to eat like a " normal " person, so he won't ask them what

they're having and he gets angry when I suggest bringing some food for myself. I

don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't want to take a free day until

Sunday for Easter. I know that I don't need to lose weight, but I want to stay

true to my goals and promises to myself. Any suggestions?

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Blab-away for as little as 1¢/min. Make PC-to-Phone Calls using

Messenger with Voice.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Tara,

Great! Sounds like you have come to a decision about how to approach

tomorrow evening. I agree with gentle_reign and . It's just one

evening. You won't be derailed by it.

I got to thinking...

Most of us on this board are here because we have had similar feelings

about the challenges of various social eating situations and tried

various approaches. I know I have a lot to learn about confidence in

this area, though I am 51.

I think there should be more dialog about the power games people play

in the dining room. I wish more women would speak out on how we feel

uncomfortable with the " entertaining " customs of our current culture.

We live in a weird society where all too often, FOOD equals FEELINGS.

" Love me, love my food "

" If you love me you will eat what I prepared for you "

" Yes, my bypass surgeon said I shouldn't eat ______, but I don't feel

comfortable eating differently than others "

" I would rather die than stop baking/eating Grandma's wonderful recipe

for_____ " (and they do...die that is)

No wonder so many Americans have food related health issues (no I am

not just talking about bulemia and anorexia...I include obesity,

diabetes and heart diseases in there too)

The pressure is really on when you accept an invitation into someone's

home. Now that I am committed to BFL, I think twice before putting

myself in that position. My best friends eat the way I do. But when I

get an invitation from someone I know will serve sausage, french

fries, and mayonase soaked coleslaw, usually say;

" I have plans for dinner, but would love to get together for a cup of

tea afterward. "

" I have already made plans. How about going for a walk at the_____ on

Saturday. "

" Let me check my calendar. I'll get back to you. "

" Have you read the book,Body for Life, by Bill ? "

It is tricky enough to tell loved ones and relatives about our

commitment to BFL and cope with their reactions. I really don't want

to debate with the casual acquaintances.

In my local circle of friends, some are vegetarian (no meat), some are

vegan (no meat, dairy, or eggs), some are on low sodium diets, some

are on diabetic diets, some are sensitive to gluten, some are allergic

to wheat, corn, peanuts, (you name it )Then there's me...; eating 6

balanced little meals and chugging water all day

Our best gatherings are " potluck " where we learn new recipes from each

other. At the last gathering (not a free day for me) here's what

worked for me;

- I planned ahead

- I ate a small BFL meal just before going

- I arrived late (on purpose to allow most of the eating to happen

without me)I did notice I was not the last one to arrive.

- I brought a main dish I could enjoy

- I never put down my pretty travel mug of water

- I spent alot of time chatting with folks, complimenting their food

and asking for recipes

It was a farewell for a friend, so there was a big cake (isn't there

always ) I had anticipated that.

I stood close while it was cut and complimented on how pretty it

looked. I accepted the offered piece with a big " Thank you " and a

smile, ate half, then later tossed the rest.

What I am getting at is that social gatherings are still challenging

to me, though I have gone from size 20 to a 10. Potlucks and meeting

at restaurants works better for me than being in " someone elses home " .

When I invite friends over to my house, I ask each guest, " Do you have

any special food preferences or things you should avoid? "

I assume they will, and I want to accomodate my loved ones health

goals. I like to give myself the challenge of preparing a tasty

beautiful meal that will be healthy for their particular food

preferences AND be BFL EFL compatable.

Unfortunately, you won't find many others who feel like that these days.

So I am wondering if you, Tara, or your sweetie told his friends about

your food preferences. I would want my partner to be

supportive/respectful of my lifestyle and health choices.

As your invitation is for tomorrow,I agree, you will have to go,

nibble, and chat the evening away. You accepted the invitation, and

you are committed to go. You are free to eat a well balanced small

BFL meal before you go.) Then, smile, be vivacious, and full of cheer.

Ask for water with a slice of lemon (or lime like one of my friends

prefers) Enjoy the social evening of conversation and maybe even talk

them into going for a walk after dining

Many of us who have food issues are SOOOO tired of putting everyone

else's feelings ahead of our own.

We don't feel heard or respected.

Maybe it's time to respect ourselves and speak up for our preferences.

Bob Green (Oprah's trainer) has alot to say about this in his book,

Making the Connection.

Be strong,

M.

[Guest guest]

Well what I would do is go ahead and eat at the dinner as you won't have

a choice. You could bring something like a veggie tray that is just a

nice gesture anyways. Who cares if you are the only one who eats it.

Now when I am in this situation which incidently I am this week as we

have a " date " night out at a fancy expensive restraunt on Saturday with

friends (even hired a babysitter!) then Easter dinner. So I just don't

have a complete free day I have 2 free meals. Problem solved. Don't

stress over things like this as it is life and BFL can fit into any life

even my couch potato Mcs loving self <smile>.

Michele T.

On Fri, 14 Apr 2006 08:40:28 -0700 (PDT) Tara Winnett

writes:

> My fiancee and I have been invited to dinner tomorrow at his

> friend's. They eat NOTHING healthy! I know there won't even be salad

> there. They even deep fry turkey. The problem is, the wife is

> offended at the mention of bringing something. My fiancee is very

> against this program b/c of my history of eating disorders. He wants

> me to eat like a " normal " person, so he won't ask them what they're

> having and he gets angry when I suggest bringing some food for

> myself. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't want to

> take a free day until Sunday for Easter. I know that I don't need to

> lose weight, but I want to stay true to my goals and promises to

> myself. Any suggestions?

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Blab-away for as little as 1¢/min. Make PC-to-Phone Calls using

> Messenger with Voice.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Great insights! Thank you and i agree totally. My fiancee is not really

supportive of how I eat and exercise. He thinks that I'm too skinny and wants me

to stop working out and stop worrying about eating brown rice or whole wheat

bread. It's very frustrating. He'd be thrilled if I just stopped exercising and

gained about 20 pounds. Anyway, thanks again!

tjay1302000 wrote: Tara,

Great! Sounds like you have come to a decision about how to approach

tomorrow evening. I agree with gentle_reign and . It's just one

evening. You won't be derailed by it.

I got to thinking...

Most of us on this board are here because we have had similar feelings

about the challenges of various social eating situations and tried

various approaches. I know I have a lot to learn about confidence in

this area, though I am 51.

I think there should be more dialog about the power games people play

in the dining room. I wish more women would speak out on how we feel

uncomfortable with the " entertaining " customs of our current culture.

We live in a weird society where all too often, FOOD equals FEELINGS.

" Love me, love my food "

" If you love me you will eat what I prepared for you "

" Yes, my bypass surgeon said I shouldn't eat ______, but I don't feel

comfortable eating differently than others "

" I would rather die than stop baking/eating Grandma's wonderful recipe

for_____ " (and they do...die that is)

No wonder so many Americans have food related health issues (no I am

not just talking about bulemia and anorexia...I include obesity,

diabetes and heart diseases in there too)

The pressure is really on when you accept an invitation into someone's

home. Now that I am committed to BFL, I think twice before putting

myself in that position. My best friends eat the way I do. But when I

get an invitation from someone I know will serve sausage, french

fries, and mayonase soaked coleslaw, usually say;

" I have plans for dinner, but would love to get together for a cup of

tea afterward. "

" I have already made plans. How about going for a walk at the_____ on

Saturday. "

" Let me check my calendar. I'll get back to you. "

" Have you read the book,Body for Life, by Bill ? "

It is tricky enough to tell loved ones and relatives about our

commitment to BFL and cope with their reactions. I really don't want

to debate with the casual acquaintances.

In my local circle of friends, some are vegetarian (no meat), some are

vegan (no meat, dairy, or eggs), some are on low sodium diets, some

are on diabetic diets, some are sensitive to gluten, some are allergic

to wheat, corn, peanuts, (you name it )Then there's me...; eating 6

balanced little meals and chugging water all day

Our best gatherings are " potluck " where we learn new recipes from each

other. At the last gathering (not a free day for me) here's what

worked for me;

- I planned ahead

- I ate a small BFL meal just before going

- I arrived late (on purpose to allow most of the eating to happen

without me)I did notice I was not the last one to arrive.

- I brought a main dish I could enjoy

- I never put down my pretty travel mug of water

- I spent alot of time chatting with folks, complimenting their food

and asking for recipes

It was a farewell for a friend, so there was a big cake (isn't there

always ) I had anticipated that.

I stood close while it was cut and complimented on how pretty it

looked. I accepted the offered piece with a big " Thank you " and a

smile, ate half, then later tossed the rest.

What I am getting at is that social gatherings are still challenging

to me, though I have gone from size 20 to a 10. Potlucks and meeting

at restaurants works better for me than being in " someone elses home " .

When I invite friends over to my house, I ask each guest, " Do you have

any special food preferences or things you should avoid? "

I assume they will, and I want to accomodate my loved ones health

goals. I like to give myself the challenge of preparing a tasty

beautiful meal that will be healthy for their particular food

preferences AND be BFL EFL compatable.

Unfortunately, you won't find many others who feel like that these days.

So I am wondering if you, Tara, or your sweetie told his friends about

your food preferences. I would want my partner to be

supportive/respectful of my lifestyle and health choices.

As your invitation is for tomorrow,I agree, you will have to go,

nibble, and chat the evening away. You accepted the invitation, and

you are committed to go. You are free to eat a well balanced small

BFL meal before you go.) Then, smile, be vivacious, and full of cheer.

Ask for water with a slice of lemon (or lime like one of my friends

prefers) Enjoy the social evening of conversation and maybe even talk

them into going for a walk after dining

Many of us who have food issues are SOOOO tired of putting everyone

else's feelings ahead of our own.

We don't feel heard or respected.

Maybe it's time to respect ourselves and speak up for our preferences.

Bob Green (Oprah's trainer) has alot to say about this in his book,

Making the Connection.

Be strong,

M.

[Guest guest]

Great insights! Thank you and i agree totally. My fiancee is not really

supportive of how I eat and exercise. He thinks that I'm too skinny and wants me

to stop working out and stop worrying about eating brown rice or whole wheat

bread. It's very frustrating. He'd be thrilled if I just stopped exercising and

gained about 20 pounds. Anyway, thanks again!

tjay1302000 wrote: Tara,

Great! Sounds like you have come to a decision about how to approach

tomorrow evening. I agree with gentle_reign and . It's just one

evening. You won't be derailed by it.

I got to thinking...

Most of us on this board are here because we have had similar feelings

about the challenges of various social eating situations and tried

various approaches. I know I have a lot to learn about confidence in

this area, though I am 51.

I think there should be more dialog about the power games people play

in the dining room. I wish more women would speak out on how we feel

uncomfortable with the " entertaining " customs of our current culture.

We live in a weird society where all too often, FOOD equals FEELINGS.

" Love me, love my food "

" If you love me you will eat what I prepared for you "

" Yes, my bypass surgeon said I shouldn't eat ______, but I don't feel

comfortable eating differently than others "

" I would rather die than stop baking/eating Grandma's wonderful recipe

for_____ " (and they do...die that is)

No wonder so many Americans have food related health issues (no I am

not just talking about bulemia and anorexia...I include obesity,

diabetes and heart diseases in there too)

The pressure is really on when you accept an invitation into someone's

home. Now that I am committed to BFL, I think twice before putting

myself in that position. My best friends eat the way I do. But when I

get an invitation from someone I know will serve sausage, french

fries, and mayonase soaked coleslaw, usually say;

" I have plans for dinner, but would love to get together for a cup of

tea afterward. "

" I have already made plans. How about going for a walk at the_____ on

Saturday. "

" Let me check my calendar. I'll get back to you. "

" Have you read the book,Body for Life, by Bill ? "

It is tricky enough to tell loved ones and relatives about our

commitment to BFL and cope with their reactions. I really don't want

to debate with the casual acquaintances.

In my local circle of friends, some are vegetarian (no meat), some are

vegan (no meat, dairy, or eggs), some are on low sodium diets, some

are on diabetic diets, some are sensitive to gluten, some are allergic

to wheat, corn, peanuts, (you name it )Then there's me...; eating 6

balanced little meals and chugging water all day

Our best gatherings are " potluck " where we learn new recipes from each

other. At the last gathering (not a free day for me) here's what

worked for me;

- I planned ahead

- I ate a small BFL meal just before going

- I arrived late (on purpose to allow most of the eating to happen

without me)I did notice I was not the last one to arrive.

- I brought a main dish I could enjoy

- I never put down my pretty travel mug of water

- I spent alot of time chatting with folks, complimenting their food

and asking for recipes

It was a farewell for a friend, so there was a big cake (isn't there

always ) I had anticipated that.

I stood close while it was cut and complimented on how pretty it

looked. I accepted the offered piece with a big " Thank you " and a

smile, ate half, then later tossed the rest.

What I am getting at is that social gatherings are still challenging

to me, though I have gone from size 20 to a 10. Potlucks and meeting

at restaurants works better for me than being in " someone elses home " .

When I invite friends over to my house, I ask each guest, " Do you have

any special food preferences or things you should avoid? "

I assume they will, and I want to accomodate my loved ones health

goals. I like to give myself the challenge of preparing a tasty

beautiful meal that will be healthy for their particular food

preferences AND be BFL EFL compatable.

Unfortunately, you won't find many others who feel like that these days.

So I am wondering if you, Tara, or your sweetie told his friends about

your food preferences. I would want my partner to be

supportive/respectful of my lifestyle and health choices.

As your invitation is for tomorrow,I agree, you will have to go,

nibble, and chat the evening away. You accepted the invitation, and

you are committed to go. You are free to eat a well balanced small

BFL meal before you go.) Then, smile, be vivacious, and full of cheer.

Ask for water with a slice of lemon (or lime like one of my friends

prefers) Enjoy the social evening of conversation and maybe even talk

them into going for a walk after dining

Many of us who have food issues are SOOOO tired of putting everyone

else's feelings ahead of our own.

We don't feel heard or respected.

Maybe it's time to respect ourselves and speak up for our preferences.

Bob Green (Oprah's trainer) has alot to say about this in his book,

Making the Connection.

Be strong,

M.