fibers, so sick, dr. giving up, calling hospice, 7-8 years of morgellons, co-inf

[Guest guest]

Hi. I rarely feel well enough to post these dasys, but check the posts often.

I have never been able to posite one positive thing since I got morgellons 7-8

years ago. I currently have my 3rd. picc line in, in less than 1year period. I

had prior mold exposure, before and during the 1st 3 years of morgellons. I now

have been told i'm not going to live much longer. My immune system was finally

tested and has completely failed. I get IV gamma globin treatments every 30

days and am currently on daily IV Microspoigin? spelling may be incorrect.

But, my latest labs show a low lyphocite count, which seems to indicate i'm not

getting any better. I have Asperilligus Niger, (heavy), Putuda?, psdonumonous,

4 systematic candida species, 7 superbug, ABX, resistant infections, also,

EColi, MRSA, Entobacterias, mycoses, other fungus, hair loss is now permanent,

i'm told, due to scarring. None of what does grow on my head is hair any

longer, anyway. My skin has a brownish, gold, heavy film, moles actually move

positions on my body, many photos of almost metallic looking things can be seen

flying from hair. I can hear these things hit my walls, much too loudly,

compared to size. My skin is covered in flakes and brown spots, moles?, no. I

am miserable with itching, crawling, biting, CFS, fibro, arthritis, frequent

strepoccal pnumonias, loss of appitite, 40 lbs. in 6 months or less, recently.

Until about 1 year ago, I was getting very bloated and heavy, about 154 lbs.

Currently, 117 lbs. at just under 5'5 " . I have terrible headaches, earaches and

draining, brown, smelly sinus fluid, always. I have spent almost $40,000 on

treatments, not including trying suggestions from others, over the counter. I

get cramps and very severe diarreaha, as soon as I try to eat, obvious worms,

all in stool, moving. I have thousands of photos, but I don't know what to do

with them. They are amazing. Of course, my home, clothes, bedding and car is

affected and I have had 3 cars and moved 4 times now, throwing almost everything

away. These fibers, worms, bugs, etc. come from me. I can tell when they are

about to start flying about, as my skin and scalp, tighten, feel chills, even

pain. My inf. dis. doctor seems to care less if I die or not, very insensitive.

Treats only part of my issues. Like with all of these deadly superbugs, i'm not

being prescribed any ABX, never any dewormers, I have worms, so how can she

expect me to get well? I live in Idaho and she is 1 of 3 inf. dis. doctors. I

have seen 1 other in ID, who said you are in bad shape, soory, see ya, the other

refuses to take me, because I made the mistake of saying morgellons. I have

high CMV, EBV, HHPV's, Cyglometro virus, chlaymidia pnumonia, mycoplasma,

vitamin, protien deficiencies, anemic, blood clotting disorder, anemia, hormonal

imbalances, low thyroid, that's probably enough info, that you get the idea. I

also had bird nests, all inside my chimminey, always liked the chirping, so I

kept the flute wide open, before I knew better. What do you guys think? Have

you heard of anyone so sick, getting better. Should I resign myself to my

impending early death, after this 8 years of hell. I can actually feel myself

going downhill, quickly now. I have tried almost every suggestion, but for some

reason, they never even improved my symptoms. My kids are tired of it all, my

best and now, only friend, won't come near me, because she is afraid of catching

this, I have no one and I mean no one, who cares if I do live or die, alone.

The state offers no in-home help. I keep seeing myself dying all alone and no

one finding me for a long time after I die. Real possibility. I'm trying to

stay positive, but it's so hard. I want a cat again, but would not want to give

this to another living thing. I gave my beloved, sweet, 18 lbs. cat, away, when

I began to see her always scratching and losing her hair. I couldn't bear to

see her suffer. But I so want a buddy, to love me, unconditionally. Does

anyone on the chat boards know of anyone near or in Idaho, who might be willing

to be a friend? I'm dying from this unbearable lonliness and isolation. I want

to start going to church again, but my face is so yucky looking, no hair, bugs,

etc, I feel I would be rejected. I don't know if I can go thru more rejection.

Besides my grown kids in CA. not caring, my husband, walked into our bedroom,

during an awful treatment and it's chemotherapy like side efffects and told me

to leave, day before Thanksgiving, 2 years ago, because he wanted a beautiful

wife to take care of him in his old age, not visa versa. I left with the

clothes I had on, puking my guts out, in the snow and never looked back. He

then began to freely date his girlfriend immediatly after. I'm so sad about

what this has done to my appearance. I am now 53, and previously, was

considered to be very attractive, not anymore. I loved being in a loving

marriage, hate being single and never thought I would spend my last years

completely alone. I miss men in general. Nothing to do with sex, I have always

had male friends and relate well with males. I want the cuddles and kisses. I

know, too bad, I need to accept what life has become, but i'm dying from a lack

of touch or conversations. I want girlfriends to have lunch with, shop with.

This disease sucks!!! I know I sound totally self-centered, but I am in the

middle of a pity party that won't end and it's late. Please, anybody want to be

my friend. I'm a good, caring, generous friend. I love to talk and listen.

I'm not always so self-centered, I promise. All I do is cry these days. I am

at a local hotel for 2 nights, just to get out of looking at my walls and

sleeping 24/7, because it is my only peace. I always have a knot in my stomach,

fear and anxiety, I think. Go days without food, I forget to eat and am having

trouble with daily household and personal chores. Late bills, laundry piles up,

bad thing, dishes not done, etc. I was a OCD, housekeeper, with enormous

amounts of energy and a lovce of travel and anything outdoors. Now, I lay on

the couch, thermastat at 74 degrees, with chills, staring at the walls. I have

lost much of my ability to concentrate on a book, tv or movie. I forget

everything immediatly. Still trying to have some life, selling some online, but

it's becoming much harder to keep up with. I'm sorry for this long, complaining

post, but I have no one else and the deepression is making me spend much of my

time, almost ritualistically, counting out my pill supplies, for when the time

comes. I will not let this thing finish me off first. When my time is here, I

will finish us both off, but it won't win. It may be killing me, but I will

control the date and kill it too. Oh, this is too much for us to have to try to

take care of ourselves. Why no sympathy from doctors. They look at me now and

can no longer deny that something very bad is going on in my body, but it's not

their concern, so bye. I can't believe more doctors haven't taken an interest

in this. It is so new, unusual and interesting, as long as you aren't a victim

of it. It seems like more doctors would have a major interest, in this new and

strange condition. I used to believe this had nothing to do with weapons,

chemtrails, etc. I now believe it is without a doubt, man made, in what way or

why I don't have a clue, but this did not happen from nature or was it God's

doing. Man allowed this to happen to us, accidentally, I just don't know.

Thanks for letting me vent for so long. I needed to get it out of me and move

forward. Please, if anyone has any ideas on any way or anthing that could help

me, please let me know. I don't know where to begin next. It seems i'm done.

Please no, God. I have a new grandbaby I want to love a little longer. I hope

everyone is feeling better or not any worse. I wish I had things to help other

people get thru this mess. I'm sorry that I don't have anything to contribute,

Take good care, all of you who are living thru this and please don't let my

story get you down. Fight early. Fight hard! I joined finding1cure in 2005,

under my real name. Only a handful of us back then, with jo, as the moderator.

So, i'm one of the early cases, I guess. It feels like 10 years, will be a

stretch, to live with this disease. Alway's neg.Lyme results, sick 3 years

before I was ever tested. If anyone wants to see pics, just explain how to

upload them. I'm self taught and not greatly computer literate. But if given

clear instructions, I think I can do it. If you are interested. PS: I am flat

broke, owing over $30,000 in medical and a lien on a home I sold, not knowing it

had a lien, so any help with getting better will need to be very cheap. I just

don't have any options, as far as money goes, bad credit, due to medical and

living on disability for 6 years now, alone, no second income or family

resources are available to me. Thank you all. This place has saved my life

many times, as I tried to read what other's were posting thru tears and swollen

eyeballs.