Matrimonial ads: Women find nothing -ve about HIV +ve men

[Guest guest]

MATRIMONIAL ADS FROM HIV CARRIERS ARE GETTING RESPONSES EVEN FROM

UNINFECTED WOMEN

Women find nothing -ve about HIV +ve men

Palak Nandi

Ahmedabad, June 14: WHEN HIV positive men in Gujarat started putting

out matrimonial advertisements in regional newspapers, they were

expecting responses from women who shared their need for love and

companionship — and the virus.

But little did they realise that there would be responses even from

women who weren't HIV positive. Many uninfected women have come

forward to accept such proposals and marry the advertisers.

From widows to divorcees, from professionals to those belonging to

the middle class, women from all groups have responded to these

advertisements.

The reasons are many—the need for a partner, support or in many

cases, even financial security. Almost always, it is women who have

agreed to marry HIV positive men, and not the other way around.

A resident of Mumbai, who has been placing ads in the local

newspapers for the last two months, informed this reporter over

phone that his mailbox was full of responses from HIV negative

women. He even forwarded a few to the reporter.

``I was expecting carriers to respond but much to my surprise most

of the respondents are HIV negative. They seem to clearly understand

that death is not immediate and also that reproduction is not

possible in this wedlock and yet they don't mind,'' stated this 31-

year-old man, who lost his wife due to AIDS and has two kids.

One of the women who responded to his ad is an architect from Surat.

A divorcee and a HIV negative, the woman confirmed that she does not

mind getting married to a HIV positive. ``Marriage is not always for

children. There are other factors like affection and support and if

the person himself is a good human being, why not?'' she stated, on

conditions of anonymity.

However, in most cases it is widows or girls from the middle- or

lower-middle class who are agreeing to marriage with HIV positive

males.

A 40-year-old HIV positive man from the Bapunagar in Ahmedabad

stated that most women who had responded to his ad were in need of

financial security.

``There was one 19-year-old girl in my area itself whose father did

not have money for her dowry while another was 23-year-old widow

with a seven-month-baby, whose husband had died in a road crash when

she was pregnant,'' said this auto-rickshaw driver.

He married the widow. ``I didn't have children and I can't have

them, so I decided to marry her,'' he said.

His wife says that the only thing that she had in mind was her young

daughter's security. ``I had not completed my schooling and was in

no condition to look after my daughter. I don't repent the decision

for he loves our daughter and also takes good care of us,'' she

says.

What's more, the couples also claim that because they are aware

about the disease and the consequences, they now take the necessary

precautions to avoid their partner getting infected. ``We are

careful and always use a condom. She had made it clear that she

would not blame me if she gets infected, but we have our daughter to

think of,'' says the auto driver.

A leading sociologist of the city, Gaurang Jani who also runs a

programme for AIDS patients, confirmed that the state has recently

started experiencing this new trend. He narrated the example of a

well-to-do, HIV positive senior citizen in the city getting married

to a younger middle-class woman who is not a carrier. He was doing

so for companionship.

``There are a lot of factors, many of them which can be linked to

financial stability that the women might be actually looking for.

However, the fact remains that such cases of negative women getting

married to HIV positive men are now on a rise,'' said Jani, adding

that one of the main reasons behind such a trend is the increasing

awareness on the difference between a full-blown AIDS patient and a

carrier.

He further stated that the trend also reflects the male-dominance

factor in the society. ``Males, particularly the ones who are

financial sound manage to find such women. The reverse trend has not

been noted,'' he stated.

http://cities.expressindia.com/fullstory.php?

newsid=134576 & headline=Women~find~nothing~-ve~about~HIV~+ve~men

[Guest guest]

Dear FORUM,

It isn't strange. As a matter of fact real women are the most warm, most

compassionate and most genuine of the whole human race, yet they are the once

who are the most discriminated against; by men as well as other women. Kudos to

all who find someone who needs love and someone who can love!!!!.

This is really the best i have heard in a long time !

Practical reasons aside, at least a +ve person is treated as a human being .

Another point to be noted is the fact that Aids is no longer in the closet as it

used to be. It is also extremely important that

men and women be honest about conditions as this .

It easier to respect a man who is honest than one who covers up and make excuses

in relationships. The same goes for women.

One needs to remember at this point the long way we have come in the Indian

context, and thank every brave man and woman who has worked and are still out in

the field.

It makes me feel good today especially to be part of a world that LIVES AND

CARES!

Ria

E-mail: <ria_anita2005@...>