Issues for discussion: Naivety about sexual/reproductive health and marriage

[Guest guest]

ADOLESCENTS:

Vulnerabilities and Forming Meaningful Relationships

This year there is special focus on women and girls and their

vulnerabilities to STDs and HIV/AIDS. In this context I would like to

bring up two issues, of which the second will be discussed in a

separate note.

1) Naivety about sexual/reproductive health and marriage

2) Adolescent migration

India is changing very fast. One of the most heartening changes I

observe is the passion and energy with which girls are going to school

and their performance in all walks of life. There is a widespread

belief held by both boys and girls that it is only through education

that they will be able to better their social status and improve their

standard of living. Girls have more at stake given their lower status,

and recognizing this handicap they are working much harder. Many NGOs

are helping accelerate this development through running schools and

remedial classes, providing vocational training, and inculcating a

spirit of entrepreneurship by incorporating them in their work and

then facilitating their setting up independent shop. As the children

grow, NGOs find it easier to work with girls and inadvertently, over

time, their focus shifts to helping girls and women more.

Boys are increasingly subject to the destructive distractions of

alcohol and gambling and most NGOs do not have the tools to counter

these lures. By the time children reach adolescence, there is emerging

a marked gender based difference. The boys that drop out or do not

excel are learning to retain their control by becoming street wise,

whereas the girls want equality, career opportunities outside the

house, and respect. Very often both fall into destructive traps

because of naivety or lack of tools to deal with tremendous social,

media and peer pressures.

I would like to emphasize that this description does not imply all

boys are bad and all girls are angels, far from it. I am only stating

some trends that I observed. This has particular relevance to rural

India and to slum and " basti " communities.

The first time when there is a major clash between this new energy,

traditional social norms, and the gender gap is at the time of

marriage. NGOs, through schools and special coaching classes, have

been able to compensate for the lack of an environment of learning

even in cases where both parents are illiterate, but on the issue of

marriage they are reluctant to intervene. Unless the children are very

strong willed, parents are still subject to, and follow, ?traditions

and social norms? when choosing matches for their children. Marriages,

arranged or by mutual selection, between individuals with very

different emotional make ups, aspirations, and capabilities are

failing and for many women disharmony, abuse and violence start from

the wedding night itself.

I am not making any value judgments on whether arranged or mutually

selected marriages are better. What I would like to focus on are

developing tools that could help in either case. So please send

comments on the following suggestions aimed at implementation

by NGOs and CBOs:

* Start regular peer group meetings for adolescent boys and girls

that discuss relationships (between husband and wife, between

bride and in-laws, between family members and their friends, and

how to handle relationships when under stress). To make the

experience of these discussion groups richer it would help to

include children a couple of years before ?average? marriage age

and some newly married individuals as discussion leaders and who

are willing to share experiences on changes at and after

marriage. These groups could be run for mixed audiences if the

NGO and community feel comfortable or separately.

* Start peer groups that include both boys and girls to regularly

discuss issues of home harmony - like cooperation, trust,

respect, destructive impacts of alcohol and gambling, and

creating positive relationships with the extended family.

* Provide training on reproductive health, means of contraception,

family planning and child bearing and rearing for betrothed

couples prior to marriage.

I would appreciate comments, validation or refutation based on

experience, and suggestions. It would also be very valuable for

readers to know if some NGOs have already developed education and

training material on these issues and would be willing to share them

with others, and if possible train them. Also, if such material exists

and is available for distribution -- how does one get access to it?

May 2005 bring joy, peace and health to all

Rajan Gupta

E-mail: <rajan@...>

http://t8web.lanl.gov/people/rajan/AIDS-india/