My most sincere apologies to one and all and my prayers are with you

[Guest guest]

Hello my dear dear friends here and bird mite sufferers around the world. It has been an unforgivably long time since I last posted. I know it has been a while, but I hope you will understand and forgive me. I did not ever wish to be that person who was here and then gone to the bafflement and consternation of all those who remained. First, this group is about one of the most enduring and persevering groups out there. To be so afflicted by bird mites and to not only be forced to suffer miserably, but to suffer with so little help and belief from most non-mite sufferers is just about the most soul wrenching sorrow one can experience. I know this. You know this. And only we select few will ever truly understand.There are many wise people here who will offer solace, words of comfort and hope and yes even that special brand of dark humor which only we at our most hysterical can truly manifest. We live those cliches of "what doesn't kill you will make you stronger" and another favorite "might as well laugh as cry". And while many of us have tread that fine boundary between life and death, not sure which one we wish for, and shed those tears of laughter which very often mimic those tears of tragedy, it may be only in retrospect that we can truly tell how close we have come to the tragedy of life's terrible sense of humor, aka, the bird mite. But, life does move on. It does not rewind for us and it does not fast forward, it just stubbornly moves on. And while earlier this year I believed my life was playing out in its last chapter, I realized that perhaps, it had not. You see, I found you all, this incredibly brave wonderful group of people, who first let me know I was not alone in my suffering. That I was not alone in this perplexing battle against nature. From first discovering the red bird mite on my canary to the dizzying multitudes that descended upon me, I felt adrift in the world gone mad. Yes, I too tried the endless round of vacuuming, cleaning, spraying, trying first one product only to discard that and try another. Each week found me buying a new hope in a bottle, a new PCO with a cure. From deadly to organic, nothing seemed to work. Like many here, I started out with a compromised immune system which seemed to ring the dinner bell for the elusive micro sized mite. Hard to catch sight of, but doggone hard to ignore, these mites rained down a bloody hellish mess upon me, then my dogs, and ultimately my son. Like many of you, I washed and ultimately threw out many of my clothes. Like many of you, I found there was never a safe place to sleep. I burned my skin from numerous applications of vicks to my face, ears and other very tender spots. I burned menthol until my eyes streamed. Some of this worked for a while, some not at all. Why some worked for me and not for others I do not know.Ultimately, I simply broke down and turned to two things, science and God. I began to study the heck out of these mites. I took pictures with a digital microscope, studied slides under a more powerful microscope. I reached out to Professors in other countries and I began a series of communications with Biologists, Micro-Biologists, Entomologists and mold specialists. I left no stone unturned. And when I found no ready answers nor any relief, I broke down and had a spiritual crises. I found myself one night on the bottom of my bath tub as shower water poured down upon the red skin I had just scrubbed for the third time that day. I collapsed and turned myself over completely and 100% to God. I knew in that moment, I had nothing left. And while I believe truly that it was at that moment that my life turned around, I do not say this as a solution for you, as that is, for many, as intangible a thing as there is. This was my personal journey. But I wish to explain as completely as possible. As many of you know, I packed up my dogs and with only a few belongings, fled to a local hotel. I was so sick and tired, was so seriously sleep deprived and sick that I thought I was crawling away to die. My little dog was seriously ill and I worried tremendously for my son. But after a week of vomiting up black dots and thinking my body was never going to be rid of the disease of the mite, I did start to get well. And as I got well, I became very fearful. Does that sound weird? I knew that I would have to face what I had run from. My daughter was getting married this June and was going to be a mother as well. I knew that I could not afford to let this beat me. I had to find my courage. Several here recommended I seek out an LLMD. I did that. I was told that I had Lyme disease and Bartonella, most likely my son did as well, as did my little dog. I was able to start my dog on antibiotics and very soon, the limp she had disappeared. I thought she had arthritis, but low and behold, it must have been Bart. My doctor was very concerned about starting me on antibiotics out of fear of herxing, but he did start me on anti-fungals. This seemed to help some. But nothing could shore up my total cowardice in facing a return to home. You see, I had tried to come home just to pick up things from time to time and I would no sooner open the door to my house but would be assaulted by a choking infestation which would then take me days to get rid of. My scientific investigation continued remotely however, and after lots of conversations with people here and in the "normal" community, I became convinced that mites do not simply "disappear". They stay and stay. And they will feast upon humans and canines. I had read or heard or someone hear told me, can't say for sure...but that some small % of the population was somehow especially attractive to mites. In fact, possibly even to the extent that mites could live for some time off of humans. While I scoffed at this notion, it did seem to have merit. How else to explain the years of affliction. But like many others here, it just did not seem to be all about mites. You see, there is in fact a fungus which seems to feed off of mites. At first I thought there was some type of symbiosis between this fungus and mites. But I now know that this fungus is a parasite...and to be more exact, a mite parasite. It actually kills mites. I have not been able to really work on my theory to the extent I wish. But my theory is that there are naturally occurring fungi that will destroy the bird mite. This fungi has been engineered by organizations and encouraged as a natural harbinger for mite destruction, especially targeted for crops. I believe this was first developed to kill a tree mite which infested certain fruit trees. This fungi however appears to have been disbursed without proper bio-controls put into place. Meaning that this fungus may kill mites, but when the mites are gone will turn to humans, releasing pathogenic spores into the environment. No mite could move as quickly to torment me as an airborne spore could. I have collected samples of this fungus. So for those of us who see these black spots on our counter tops, or cough up little dots, or blow our nose and encounter this, it is probably actually fungi. I have had no luck in getting any of this confirmed, thus it remains theory. But I can say that anti-fungals would seem to be a natural deterrent. And I say the anti-fungals work because of an interesting experience.After 6 weeks of hoteling it, I returned home. I can tell you, I was scared stiff, terrified in fact. But armed with science in the one hand, and God in my right, I did come home. And I....opened.....the......door. And nothing happened to me. I immediately set to spraying my home with Lysol complete clean using a plant sprayer. I sprayed my kitchen, my bathroom and my laundry room. I drenched my bedroom. I then washed all of my linens. I waited and when nothing happened, I went to bed. And I miraculously slept. The next day, I repeated the script. By the third day, I was feeling a bit optimistic. So, I stopped spraying. Still all well. So, I got brave enough to stop washing my linens in hot water with ammonia and borax. Then I stopped taking a scalding hot shower every night. And then I just broke down and cried. I thanked God and I cried some more. One week after moving back home, I went out and tried to take some clothes out of the bags of clothes which were outside on my balcony. I was immediately assaulted. Started coughing and having bloody noses. I was terrified that all my nightmare was to start again. But after a day of hacking, I returned to normal. I went outside to where my dog bed was and saw black moldy stuff growing on the bottom. Before I could wash it, my larger dog slept on it and proceeded to scratch himself raw for about 3 days. I washed it and ever since I have kept things bagged until they were washed carefully. Once washed, I have never had to rewash. I have bit by bit regained my life. And I saw my daughter's wedding day approach. The weather in Washington state is always temperamental. But the sun had been out for this past week. Then on Friday before the wedding, torrential rains started. We had planned for an outdoor garden wedding and I was beginning to lose hope that we were going to have good weather. We struggled through a rehearsal that soaked us all and tried to scrounge up tents. Saturday, wedding day, began decently enough but then not only did the rain come down hard, but thunder storms started rolling in and sheets of rain was blowing into our tent. We decided to persevere though it all. I had learned that life will move forward, with or without us. And as the time came for the bridesmaids and groomsmen to come out of their dressing rooms, the rain stopped and as my daughter moved into view, the sun broke out. And out it stayed for the entire day. And although I am exhausted from that event, and from the months of mitemare...I could not sleep until I had at last posted my story to you all. To not give up. That the sun will shine through the gloom. That no matter what you put your faith in, do not lose it. I have not started on antibiotics yet, but I am not scratching. I am sleeping good in my bed. I have not thrown out my furniture, nor have I moved, nor have I pulled up carpet. I know that there is a power greater than my own at play here. I choose to keep fighting. I hope you all choose to keep fighting. But stay in your home or leave it. No matter. But... Believe in yourself. Believe in this group. And I will keep fighting for you in every way that I can. I am sorry it has taken me so long to regain communication. But I have not let one day pass that I have not thought of you or not prayed for you. I know this story is long and not filled with as many facts as I would like it to be. But I hope I filled it with....hope.Stay strong! Terry