OT: Dating

[Guest guest]

Susie,

There is nothing offensive in your email that

would upset me. The only thing

upsetting is what you went through. I'm glad that

your story has a happy ending.

Your experiences may have made a very strong

impact on your daughters,

helping them to choose a partner wisely.

I feel the same way you do, meeting anyone in a

bar is the WORSE place. I hope

you have a lifetime of happiness with your

wonderful husband.

a

Re: [ ] injection metho

This is VERY off topic. And may sound like a

Lifetime Movie of the Week,

but it is all true. I could probably write a

script for this story and

they would buy it from me! There is MUCH I will

not tell. So I will just

hit a few high spots. I really could wright a

book on it, with all that

happened that I will omit so much.

I hope this does not upset the list mom's, since

this is an RA list. But

it is something I have to say for some

reason...... I just feel I must

say this here.

If I offend anyone... I apologize now. It is

only my personal

experience, and feelings on the subject.

Just hit the DELETE key now, if you have no

interest in reading an

" abused woman " story.

When I divorced years ago I had been married

from age 17, had three

daughters, then got divorced when my youngest

was 10.

I did not date, as I did not want my kids seeing

their mamma go off with

another man. (Very " old fashioned " view, I

know.) That was just my

preference. My feelings on the subject.

Well a few years went by, I was working 2 jobs.

A full time and part

time. Did so much with " my girls " till I had no

desire to " date " ... And

loved my " time alone " , and did not really miss a

man at all. Got " set in

my ways " , so to speak!

My girlfriend (after MUCH coaxing) talked me

(after much prodding) to go

" out with the girls " to a bar and dance, etc. (I

do not drink so I was

the " driver " ) It had been years since I had done

ANYTHING alone without

my girls.

Well, as " luck " would have it, I had the best

looking, most charming man

show me attention. And believe me I was falling

for the lines! After a

couple years with no man in my life, you can

imagine! No excuse for my

stupidity, because I was SOBER!!!

He started coming to my house, and within 2

weeks we were married~! He

was very insistent.

I had bought my own home after I had divorced,

cars, etc. I worked HARD

for this. My ex gave me nothing.

This " new man in my life " , well... He drove an

old car that was

LITERALLY falling apart. I questioned him WHY?

He said he " was restoring

it " . (Ha! Ha! Ha!)

I ended up taking MY money out of savings to BUY

the bum a TRUCK

later!!! So he " could have reliable

transportation to FIND work " while

he had his car " restored " by someone else,

because he did not have " time

to do it himself " . (Which I found out later he

SOLD and never even gave

me a dime of it for bills or groceries!)

After a month I really started questioning WHY

he had not had a pay

check yet from his " construction " job. His reply

was, " They don't pay us

until we FINISH the job...and it may be a couple

more weeks... "

Ha! I BELIEVED him!!!

It turned out, the man did not WORK... much

less, " construction " ... he

had lived off his 80 yr. old Mamma and her SS

check for years. (And

" women he met in bars " who were " out with the

girls " ) ...And was just

was basically a dirt bag. Everyday he would

leave MY HOUSE to " find a

construction job. " And instead, was going by his

mamma's to get some of

HER SS check to buy gas, and sit in a BAR all

day, waiting for me to

come home!

And everyday I came home from work that he was

just laying up in MY

home, my girls were furious and would meet me at

the car and fuss at me

about it! They hated him!

Within 2 months, he had gone through my SAVINGS,

which was quite

substantial, and had begun on my checking

account.

Oh... he bought me gifts... with MY checks from

my account, I found out

when the statement came! The bank said, " Well,

we figured since you were

MARRIED, that he could CASH CHECKS. "

Duhhhhhhhh! But that's anothe

story...

Finally after a couple of months... and AFTER I

HAD to take ANOTHER part

time job, I kicked him out. I had NO MONEY for a

divorce, but was just

glad to get him out.

When he drank (which was quite often) he became

violent. Many times,

before I kicked him out, he would have me in the

car, and for no reason

just turn to me and say, " Are you ready to die? "

Then he would play tag

with the Truckers on the interstate, by trying

to " go under " the

trailers of their rigs. I was so terrified. He

did this many times.

After several times of this, I became sensitized

to it. I would just sit

like a Zombie. No " feelings " what so ever.

Funny what " abuse " does to a

person.

Once sitting on my bed, with me locked in the

bedroom with him, he held

a GUN to his head. Threatening all night long.

It was the longest night

of my life...I can remember every dark detail,

to this day it haunts me

and I often have nightmares of it still. It was

horrible. Every time I

nodded off to sleep, he would take the gun and

nudge me with it and say

" LOOK AT ME! " And that went on all night.

Cocking and uncocking the gun

to his head. And all the nonsence he talked.

All the threats of what

would happen if I left him. It was to the

point, I wished he had turned

the gun on me, and ended MY misery! After that

night was over, I kicked

him out for good.

And yes, he came back. I literally had to NAIL a

big chain on the door

frames, and come across the door to the other

door frame, and pad lock

the doors FROM THE INSIDE, because he would come

and try to kick them

in. The chains slowed him down long enough for

me to hear the noise and

call police.

I owned my own business at the time, and knew

every POLICE man in the

county, so getting " help " for me, was easy.

**For the majority of ABUSED WOMEN, it is not so

easy.**

He never " HIT " me. And if I had not been friends

with so many Cops, I

doubt they would have done anything because he

never actually would

" hit " . Luckily I grew up with many close

friends in school who became

" Cops " , and also knew them from my business. So,

They came at the drop

of a hat when I called, plus one of them lived 2

doors down from me.

Most women who call on domestic get no results,

but I did. He sat in

jail many a night. Until finally he knew they

meant business.

Once he was drunk in my front yard at night. I

was coming home from a

part time job at midnight, and he met me in the

driveway. And he

started. He came at me. Something just came over

me, no fear or panic

this time... and I calmly WALKED TOWARD HIM, and

took my little hand and

balled it up. And KNOCKED him out cold! I doubt

I could ever make such a

direct blow again! (And had NEVER " hit " anyone

before this time either)

This little 100 pound 5 foot 3 woman knocked out

a 6 foot 1 , 180 pound

man. And it wasn't because he had been drinking.

I made a direct hit to

the right place on his face. I let him lay there

all night, until he

" woke up " the next morning...and he left!

Without another word! I saw

him (from the window!) pick up the Eye Glasses

(I BOUGHT HIM!) that were

now broke... and he left.

*(I DON'T ADVISE ANY OTHER WOMAN who is abused,

to do this. It was just

a " lucky shot " for me. That, or God sent an

Angel to guide my hand.

Which is more than likely what really

happened!)*

After 6 months of that I moved to GA. By then 2

of my girls were old

enough, and out on their own. My other daughter

came with me and

finished her senior year here.

I sold all my stocks, home, etc. and got a

DIVORCE and took my money

(what was left) and RAN... not walked... Ran to

the coast of Georgia

from Mobile, AL! And I have never regretted it.

That was the worst few

months of my life. I don't know how some women

can keep hanging on in a

marriage like that. I don't know how they do it

and survive with any

part of " self " intact.

My girls were old enough that they gave me the

strength to make him

leave. I sometimes wonder, if they had not lived

with me at that time,

would I have kicked him out?? But that is

neither here nor there now.

It is over.

So ask me... when I moved here DID I DATE???

Heck no!

I was so shell shocked, I could not. I would get

tons of offers and

always figured they were just " playing me " as he

had. So I guess I did

let him effect me more deeply than I thought. To

the soul, so to speak.

Then after a couple years here, a man walked

into the vet office/shop

where I worked, that I knew from seeing at the

Docks my brother-in- law

owned, where I helped part time. And this man

asked me out. I said no.

When he left, the Vet I worked for (who treated

me as a daughter)

" talked to me " ... He had heard me saying what I

had been though, many

times. He gave the best advice that day. And the

most beautiful heart to

heart talk.

Then 2 weeks later when that man asked me out

again, I said YES.

Eight months later we were married. And believe

me, he was real to his

words.

When I first got sick however, a couple years

ago, I thought it would

kill our marriage. He could not " understand " or

" cope " for many months.

Then I had a scare with breast cancer, and

EVERYTHING turned around. He

has been the most loving caring man you could

ask for.

I guess the moral of story is... when " the girls

go out " ... and you meet

a very handsome, charming man who chases you...

RUN, RUN, RUN!!!! Don't

fall for it! If he was in that bar then... then

he will be in it MANY,

MANY times after you are with him!

*And MEN who are reading this... If YOU are in a

bar and " meet a

charming beautiful woman " ... then the same goes

for you. If she was

there then, it is most likely she will be there

again... even if she is

" with YOU. "

Well... I know this is very off topic... AND

LOoooNG, but when someone

mentioned going out " with the girls " the other

day... I had the chills

and the hair stood up on the back of my neck!

~~~GOD does not hold the Innocent accountable

for ANOTHER persons

treatment of us. If we do have to " put our

spouse away from us " , then I

think God will not hold US accountable, He would

surely hold the one who

CAUSED it accountable however.

And in the case of divorce, and abuse... it

would be the ABUSER... not

the one enduring it, who accounts for it later.

God does not put us in

an abusive situation because he " wants to

strengthen us " ... He gave us

the freedom to put ourselves in the situation we

want.And sometimes that

situation turns out to be a disaster. But he is

there to give us

strength when we do get in a bad situation...

and eventually (hopefully)

help us find a way to get out.

God made us perfect in every way. What THIS

WORLD DOES TO US ALONG THE

WAY, is not His doing. He gives us the good

sense to do what we know is

right. God made us...made the world... and " set

it in motion " .

He is there to help us. Not FORCE us to make

decisions HE wants us to

make. But He will " GUIDE " us though, If we

listen. We all have that

little " inner voice " . And we all have heard

it... and at times we have

NOT heeded it. We have done what we WANTED...

not what was right in the

feeling deep down in our soul.

~~And if you are a MAN reading this. Believe

me... MANY, MANY MEN are

ABUSED also. I have had many Men Friends who

have " cried on my

shoulder " with stories much worse than mine.

Anyone can inflict abuse.

In many ways.

Always treat another, as you would want to be

treated. Always treat

another, as if it MIGHT be the last time you see

them.

And never worry about " pleasing others " ... if

you just worry about

pleasing God then everything else will fall into

place. Because you can

never " please " people. " People " can always find

fault. But God does not.

He finds us perfect in His sight.

AGAIN... I APOLOGIZE IF I HAVE OFFENDEN ANYONE.

It is just my personal

account, and FEELINGS on the subject. No one has

to agree with me.

I love you all. This list has meant the world to

me. And gives me hope

on " hopeless " days. You are all terrific.

Susie