Looking for Suggestion about a friend

[Guest guest]

Hi All-

I am

wondering what to do about my "friend". You all saw the letter I

sent to her a few weeks back. And I don't know if I showed you the

response I got. But when someone sent the Friendship: Reason, Season,......

I sent it to her along with most of my other friends. She sent it

back to me.

I have

called her house a few times since then about Garrett's Birthday (what

he wants, or what she wants for his birthday). I sent her all those

things about chronic illness and how being chronically ill doesn't always

look like "Sick" vs. "Well" !!

I don't

think anything is fixed between us, and I am not sure that it ever will

be. Not from my lack of trying. So, should I send her

the response to her message to me? I did write out a response, so

I could "have my say!" But since she hasn't returned any of

my calls, I am kind of wondering if there is anything else to lose by replying

to her message.

Here

it is... I hope someone can help me out here.... tonight, as soon as possible!

Anne,

I believed that I had said that maybe we can do something together,

if I got

all of my errands done early enough, so you wouldn't have to

go with me to

the laundromat. Nothing was set in stone. So I think that you

just assumed

that we were going to do something that day.

We talked

Tuesday July 25th, and I was on my way to Stillwater... because

I had

wanted to know if you wanted to come with, and we could go out for

dinner

afterwards. You had plans with your Mom, so you said we could go

out

and do errands together the next day.

It sure

seems to be that in the last few months, you have found it more and

more

easy to "leave me high & dry" as often as possible.

You

can only "fit me in" when I can do something for you. I feel so abused

by you

and many other people! And now that I am actually standing up for

myself,

I am no longer letting people walk all over me, everyone thinks that

I am

having some major psych problem!

The ONLY

problem I can see is that I am NO longer putting up with or

letting

anyone walk all over me. And I am the one getting my heart ripped

out,

every step of the way.

I believe you had offered to let us use the football for the

pictures, so I

didn't think that I needed to ask. I am sorry about that.

Yes,

I offered... that was in March. I just didn't expect you to call

and

command

me that you would be over to get it. I expected something closer

to "can

I still use your football for Garrett's 2 year pictures." Would that

have

been too much to ask for?

I guess

since I always ask, to make sure the offer is still open for me to

use

something that is yours; I thought the consideration would go both

ways.

I guess I was wrong!

As far as babysitting, I believed that you had said sure.

I said

I would think about it! And you wouldn't let me take a breath before

you

asked again! So I finally said "Whatever!"

Just

so you know, I have had a sinus infection since Monday July 10, have been

on antibiotics until August 9th. And following day, Thursday I had

a CT of my sinuses, because the infection wasn't responding to the antibiotics

totally, and they were considering putting me in the hospital for IV antibiotics.

The infection is now gone, I just take a really long time to heal.

I wouldn't have held anything against you if you had said no,

because I know it does

interfere with your life sitting on the computer all day long.

First

you tell me that I should go to my friends online about life, allergies,

and

PTS. And now you are saying that I do NOTHING all day long but sit

here

in front of my computer. Well..... YES, I do spend a lot of time

online,

but

look at all those people that are beating down my door to hang out with

me!

To go out and do stuff with me... everyone is so afraid of my allergies

being

set off, and my having to go to the ER. You would NOT be the first

one

that left me "high & dry" when the paramedics have had to come out

and

take me away.

So, I

am not exactly sure what it is that you want me to do..... I didn't

pick

being

on disability, I didn't pick having my dreams yanked away, and I

DEFINITELY

didn't pick having my friends turn their backs on me... I guess

I should

have been watching those I thought were "Friends" more carefully,

because

I feel totally blind sided!

I do remember the times before the allergies set in. The day

we met at

nursing assistant class, I can still see you in a white/red

outfit. The days

we have gone out to the mall for drinks with Dominic, you being

on crutches.

See,

you couldn't even remember anything about me, without bringing up my

health

too! So I guess my health has affected more than just me over the

years.

I was already a paramedic when we went out for my birthday to the

MOA

with Dominic in September of 1994. And being on crutches wasn't

even

my doing, since I was kicked by a patient in my surgical knee.... oh ya,

I

picked

a fight with a crazy psych patient that decided I would like to

hyper-extend

my surgical knee to 90 degrees... only 2 months after being

able

to return to work ( I was out on medical leave from February 1994 to

July

1994... on crutches for more than 4 months.)

Even you haven't really have mentioned the things and memories

in the past.

I have

tried to talk about all sorts of things, my being a paramedic that is in

the

past, and I talk about it all the time! I loved being a paramedic.

We

talk

about nursing assistant school all the time too. The clinicals test

with

brushing

each others teeth, the bed bath, and changing the bed while still

occupied...

we talk about that all the time.

No matter

what I say or do, every time I go to open my mouth, you change

the

subject, or walk away. Even when you have NO CLUE what I am about

to say!

It doesn't seem to matter, you are gone before I can get my first word

out of my face!!

We have never really fought until now, even over the years. So

that has to

mean something.

That

I am standing up for myself, and not letting you or anyone else walk

all

over me anymore!

Ahhh!

Anne