Re: Sucky night - Something to Believe in?

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

"I know how difficult it is, to face the things we love, and to know that we probably will never be able to bring things back the way they used to be. I wish I knew the answers.....I really do."

Like wise. I wish I knew them for me and for everyone. I hate being negative and dumping on you all cause I know you all go through the same feelings and dont need one more person griping about it.

Everyone

> If you want to hear it is in three parts (quick - all three combined > goes for less then 10 mins. Its not me playing, but I did do this as a > performance piece. Kinda like sharing my soul - you all wanted to know > what I look like - well this is more real then any picture. This is me - > the musician.) I commented on the (corrected) links in the message prior to this one.....I'm still teary eyed, though.>We had to turn off the airconditioner cause the new neighbours cant sleep >with it on 24/7. Now I cant breathe. Fans etc just aint the same. Tell the neighbors, that's too f*cking bad, then......you need the AC for your health. Turn it back on. If they complain, we'll get a posse of member to come over, and really straighten them out.<another really big hug for you, today>E-Mail: mailto:tabco@...Web Page: http://www.bee.net/tabco/Net Pager: http://wwp.mirabilis.com/3106983ICQ # 3106983The Being Sick CommunityVisual problems with colors?Click the link below and select the modify link to your right. Then select the **Send Plain Text Email** option. This will stop you receiving emails with colored or enlarged fonts. Members Lounge:-Photo Album, memorial page, members profiles, birthdays, locations, medical resources, counselling via email, and a whole bunch of free things.http://www.elderwyn.com/members Message Archives and Digest Attachment Pictures:-messages/Chat:- Scheduled Daily Chats at # on IRC DALnet.chat.htmlSharing our resources:-Add a website URL you have found useful. Personal Complaints or problems:-Please contact a moderator should you require assistance with anything technical or if you are upset by another. The email address for the moderators is <-owneregroups> Subscription Details:-1) Individual email - means that every email sent to the list you receive.2) Daily Digest - sends you 25 messages in one single email for you to browse. This is an excellent option if you receive alot of email.3) Web only/No mail - means that you can pop into eGroups at your convenience and receive no email.To modify your subscription settings please visit mygroupsTo subscribe or unsubscribesubscribe/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"Hold on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what you believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what you must do even, if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your life, even if it's easier to let go." - Pueblo Prayer

[Guest guest]

At 01:00 AM 10/29/2000 +1000, you wrote:

>Hi everyone

>

>Ok - sucky night.

>

>Each month we have a composer on the compositions page whose birthday is

>in that month and who is related to clarinet ideally. Well... for

>November its Weber. And while listening to midi files to find one relevant

>I found the last piece of music I ever performed. You can imagine, I am

>sure, the feelings it has stirred up in me. On one hand I am amazed I was

>ever able to play it but essentially I am so lost, and more importantly -

>shattered. I know in reality that I will prolly never be able to again.

>What am I supposed to do with my life now? Music was all I ever wanted to do.

Aisha,

I know how difficult it is, to face the things we love, and to know

that we probably will never be able to bring things back the way they used

to be. I wish I knew the answers.....I really do.

> If you want to hear it is in three parts (quick - all three combined

> goes for less then 10 mins. Its not me playing, but I did do this as a

> performance piece. Kinda like sharing my soul - you all wanted to know

> what I look like - well this is more real then any picture. This is me -

> the musician.)

I commented on the (corrected) links in the message prior to this

one.....I'm still teary eyed, though.

>We had to turn off the airconditioner cause the new neighbours cant sleep

>with it on 24/7. Now I cant breathe. Fans etc just aint the same.

Tell the neighbors, that's too f*cking bad, then......you need the AC

for your health. Turn it back on. If they complain, we'll get a posse of

member to come over, and really straighten them out.

<another really big hug for you, today>

E-Mail: mailto:tabco@...

Web Page: http://www.bee.net/tabco/

Net Pager: http://wwp.mirabilis.com/3106983

ICQ # 3106983

[Guest guest]

Dear Hedony,

Real sorry to hear of your flash backs and reliving of horrible experiences. I cannot know what it must be like for you. How are you doing now? Are you still going through it?

*gentle hugs*

Thanks for your support also!!

Hang in there - some how we have all survived these things. I dont know how but we have. We all deserve medals!

Love Aisha

[Guest guest]

Ok - sucky night.

...........I'm Sorry Aisha:(

I wish I had a magic pill to turn your frown upside down:)

I found the last piece of music I ever performed. You can imagine, I am

sure, the feelings it has stirred up in me.

...........You will have beautiful memories of this the rest of your life.

We had to turn off the airconditioner cause the new neighbors cant sleep

with it on 24/7. Now I cant breathe.

...........Just tell the neighbors that, that is how you survive!!!!

Sorry!!! But it has to stay on!!!

I am even dumber then I knew! Putting on a CD that I had not heard for

ages thinking it would be good, but naturally it brings back memories. This

CD I used to listen to driving to see G when he and I first met way back

when. So I have lovely memories of teaching, performing, my car that i had

to sell, some sort of freedom - my life.

...........That's not dumb! It brought back some beautiful and sad

memory's. That's OK. You needed that time to cry and let the emotions run,

it is good to have those beautiful memory's, and yes they do hurt at times,

but {believe it or not} it will get easier, you are so young, and have been

dealt such a terrible blow! I'm crying along with you Aisha, as you are

such a loving and kind hearted person to have to go through so much. But

believe me you have not traveled the road that you wanted too, but you sure

are paving a road for all of us that didn't ask for the road we are

traveling on now either. For that I THANK-YOU!!!

> I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!!

> I dont have anything to belive in ... I just wish it would all go away

and I could have my life back again :-(

>

> <vent>

> <wallow>

> <grumble>

> <sigh>

>

> Some days it makes you wonder why we keep going huh?

>

> Love you all.

> Aisha

.........If I had a magic wand I would give you back your life as you knew

it, but sense I don't please accept my Hugs for you and pray that the days

do get easier for you my dear friend.

Lots and Lots of Love

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

Helen

[Guest guest]

At 01:39 AM 10/29/2000 +1000, you wrote:

>Like wise. I wish I knew them for me and for everyone. I hate being

>negative and dumping on you all cause I know you all go through the same

>feelings and dont need one more person griping about it.

Aisha,

Don't feel bad about it.....it's US that understand what you're going

through. People who have never experienced it, just think we're

complaining, or something. They don't know how deeply it hurts to give up

something you're passionate about.

So, take your own advice, and feel free to bitch, gripe, and

vent......we all love you, and REALLY understand.

<hug>

[Guest guest]

Hi Aisha,

Although not in the same league re disappointment, I know how upsetting something from the past can be. Last week my husband took me to the Oz movie of the satellite coverage of the moon landing - The Dish. The week leading up to the moon landing was the week that I was in hospital while they found the original brain tumour, the basis of my present problems. The day the men landed, I was out of hospital, waiting for two months for the operation, so went back to work to watch the TV coverage of the moon-landing, with my co-workers. I had never expected to live to see the moon-landing, so I was very happy that day. This movie re-enactment, therefore, should have been joyful, and I went without qualms (other than the usual of going out to somewhere new in a wheelchair), but the tests they did during that week were the ones that came back to haunt me 30 years later in the form of my recent paraplegia. I found myself, to my dismay, reliving the horror of the past (and present) as each new day of the countdown to the landing was announced on screen (`that was the day they did ..... to me' etc). I loved the movie, but I came out a complete wreck and it has taken a week to get myself back together. My thoughts are with you.

Hedony

Each month we have a composer on the compositions page whose birthday is in that month and who is related to clarinet ideally. Well... for November its Weber. And while listening to midi files to find one relevant I found the last piece of music I ever performed. You can imagine, I am sure, the feelings it has stirred up in me. On one hand I am amazed I was ever able to play it but essentially I am so lost, and more importantly - shattered