the new removable ICD

[Guest guest]

So some of you want to remove your ICD's. In this bad economy that is very unpatriotic of you. There are thousands of cardiologists counting on you to help them pay for their Mercedes, their condo and their girl on the side. If they lose the Mercedes and the condo, the girl will be gone in the morning. Anyway, here's a response from a manufacturer as to the desire for removing the ICD,

All right folks, we here at Best Chest Quest have begun marketing the new removable ICD for all you people who are tired of having it go off and scare you or having it not go off and scare you or sort of go off or sort of not go off and still scare you. This is the ICD for you.

When we learned that there were ICD patients who wanted their ICD's removed, we initially wondered why. Half the people surveyed said it interfered with their sex life. the other half were men and didn't have anyone groping the implant site.

So we began designing an ICD that could be removed easily before sex. First thing was to come up with a good design and we chose the size and shape of a condom still in its wrapper. It symbolized safe sex and also allowed men to carry it in their wallets and feel like horny virgin show-off teenagers again.

this design, as good as it was, had its own problems. when the ICD was removed it left a visible slot on the patient's chest. During sex, a large number of partners inserted quarters into it thinking it was for the magic fingers mattress in their motel room. there were a lot of complaints from the patients about this, mostly that the slot was too small and they wanted it bigger to hold more money. We haven't quite solved the problem yet, but we are working on combining the ICD with a slot machine. So far male patients really lie the idea, but calling the set=up a one armed bandit is not quite correct when one considers the "handle" that is used.

So we have this rmovable ICD that we designed that makes some patients very happy, but we are also always looking to make the ICD's better and more versatile.

So we designed some auxiliary plug ins to be used in the slot. The first one we cam up with is a coffeemaker that works wonderfully for those post morning coital situations where you are now late for work and do not have time to cuddle, lie to your partner or make some coffee. Plug your coffeemaker adapter into your chest and you will have freshly brewed coffe ready for you when you go to work or when you run out on your partner without waking them. For those men without sexual stamina--you know whom I an talking about--there is a setting for instant coffee.

t\The second plug-in we designed was a hand sanitizer. After sex many people of both genders have an immediate need to wash up. Not only does this let them do it without having to walk across the bedroom to the bathroom, it takes the place of cuddling.

Another is the Karaoke * music player which we call the i-Bod. For romantics it allows them to sing a beautiful love song with full orchestral accompaniment to their beloved while making love. For old married couples it plays the sounds of nature with which they are most familiar: dripping faucets, the cat wanting to get out, the neighbor's dog in heat and the passing of gas right beside one. For those having one night stands there is a parking validation dispenser that will give the recipient up to one hour of free parking while they are busy doing business.

A particular favorite is the beard and mustache trimmer. Those partners who put their faces close to the ICD slot can get a trim or even a full shave while nuzzling. This unit is especially popular with poets, motorcyclists, rabbis and Mediterranean women.

One item is the GPS (Global Positioning System). This one is the traditional GPS format where the partner who is inexperienced in such matters can find their way around the anatomy the most popular model of this unit is The Dolly Parton. It really is a global positioning system. Some men have written back and thanked us for saving them from being suffocated.

One of the less popular units, but still an important one is the food slicer. ICD patients are like everyone else. sometimes they get hungry in bed. And what spoils a mood more than suddenly getting up to slice the cheddar for a snack. (Well actually just cutting the cheese would spoil the mood more than that.) Just take some Velveeta to bed and some noodles and you've got mac and cheese while in the sack to please. Finally, we at Best chest Quest have been surprised that there is another use for the food slicer attachment. Interfaith relationships have always presented problems for those who are in love but have different religions. Now Jewish women can use the food slicer attachment and convert their partners instantly!

For those of you who would like to have your ICD removed, but know that you will want it back in sometime, the removable ICD is the way to go. of curse if you remove it before needing it, it will be the way to go. We at Best chest quest are always here to serve you.

From California where removing the ICD leaves me with only twenty-three letters.

Bill