Re: Re: Gleevec Time of Day-sorry so long but hopefully worth the space.

May 21, 2007

Wow! I thought I was the only one who when through some bad times after I was

dx.Ive been through something similar be strong God bless & hang in there it

only gets better as we get stronger

[ ] Re: Gleevec Time of Day-sorry so long but hopefully worth the

space.

Melisa,

Here's a story that will make you feel even better.

I was dx'd in May 2000 almost 7 years ago. Just a year and a half before

that my 27 year old sister in-law died -she had 3 kids. A 2 year old boy

from my brother (who went on drugs and ended up with a 6 yr prison sentence

so I stepped up and became mom again after having a 15yr old and a 17 yr old

of my own. Then 6 months before my dx I also became a parent of one of her 2

girls (age 7 at the time) that she had before her marriage to my brother and

all because her aunt who had her after her mother died couldn't handle

having a biracial child.

My first year of treatment was interferon and ARC injections, which I chose

over the BMT because I was so scared that if I didn't survive the BMT these

children would have lost mother # 2 and mine would also be without.

These injections made me so, so sick. But still had to work full time

because I was blessed with an alcoholic husband who didn't work and pushed

me out of the bed while I was sick to go to work.

I say blessed with a bit of humor because it's painful to remember but I

sometimes wonder if I hadn't gone to work to get the moral support I had

there, would I have done so well?

In 2001 I started gleevec and I was doing great compared to the other stuff,

but my teenage son was battling some serious depression and he ended up

accidentally overdosing 4 times in one year over daddy being like he was and

the thought that he may loose his mother.

He was hospitalized each time, received therapy for his depression and was

doing well for about 8 months and had another episode. This time he ended up

in the intensive care unit after being resuscitated. But he was also 18

years old and although I begged the hospital to keep him for an evaluation

they sent him to the physc unit and released him the next day.

On the morning of June 19th 2002, only 2 weeks after the last incident, I

found my son not breathing when I went to his room to check on him before

leaving for work. I lost my baby that day. And still his father only found

another excuse to drink.

I cannot explain what the pain of loosing a child feels like, but its

nothing like loosing a man who doesn't love you enough to stick by you

through sickness and in health. Through good times and bad.

Finally last January 2006 my husband was told he had developed a severe

heart disease at age 42 and his liver was so bad that he would die soon if

he didn't care for himself better. I begged him to think of his only son he

had left and our 3 beautiful granddaughters. Forget about me, I wanted my

son and granddaughters to remember a few good times.

He didn't stop and things were worse with his drinking. I finally decided

after 27 years that it was gonna be either him or me and possibly both if I

didn't do something. I filed for divorce and made him leave the home

November of 06.

In January of this yr he went into the hospital with back trouble and 2 days

later we were having DNR's done as the Dr had suggested it because his lungs

were filled with fluid. He never came home because regardless of how sick he

was I couldn't do it and I could have never done it if I wanted to. Day by

day his brain was poisoned by high levels of ammonia from the liver and he

ended up in a facility needing 24 hrs care until he died almost 2 months

ago.

I became so bitter after loosing my son that I couldn't deal with his

selfishness. I also realized that I was going to live, I wanted to live and

the kids love me way more than he did.

So I tell you this to say it could be worse. Be glad that someone who was so

selfish wasn't selfish enough to put you through all the above. And being an

alcoholic was only the tip of the iceberg.

I'd rather have cancer any day than live that life over again.

Once again' I have to add that at 42 I have decided that I am only half way

through my life and I have a lot behind me. I prefer to say I am advanced in

my classes of life and I pray that the second half will be much better due

to the lessons I've learned and all that my first half of life has added to

my character.

If I could say anything to you it would be to trust that God knows exactly

where you are and to know that you would have not made it to today if he

wasn't there to pick you up and keep you going.

Life is not over because we have CML. It's only just beginning. I don't wish

any tragedies on any one. But mine sure has made me stop to smell the roses.

(Sometimes I move too fast, but I try to slow down when I can)

As for your weight, I agree we all want to have perfect bodies, but sick or

not it does require work for most of us and it really shouldn't be all about

our vanity but rather our health first.

Somehow, someway, try to start exercising. Even if you start with a brief

walk. What it does for you mentally and emotionally is indescribable! Then

eventually you can focus on the weight part.

You know if you think good, you'll feel good and if you feel good, you'll

look good!

Get up girl and have a great day! You're gonna be just fine:-)

ez

May 21, 2007

big hugs to you . Bless you.

[lmartinez@...] wrote: