Hope Courage and a True Survivor...thanks

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I am a newbie with CML and have had, what I considered, no easy ride

through life overall - but your story of inspiration and real courage

has humbled me and made me appreciate all the good things that I do

have -- instead of harping on the bad. it has really helped me gain

some perspective now.

You encompass the true meaning of the word survivor. God Bless you

for your story and for opening your soul to share this with the rest

of us.

Bil in the UK

>

> Melisa,

>

> Here's a story that will make you feel even better.

>

> I was dx'd in May 2000 almost 7 years ago. Just a year and a half

before

> that my 27 year old sister in-law died -she had 3 kids. A 2 year

old boy

> from my brother (who went on drugs and ended up with a 6 yr prison

sentence

> so I stepped up and became mom again after having a 15yr old and a

17 yr old

> of my own. Then 6 months before my dx I also became a parent of one

of her 2

> girls (age 7 at the time) that she had before her marriage to my

brother and

> all because her aunt who had her after her mother died couldn't

handle

> having a biracial child.

>

> My first year of treatment was interferon and ARC injections, which

I chose

> over the BMT because I was so scared that if I didn't survive the

BMT these

> children would have lost mother # 2 and mine would also be without.

>

> These injections made me so, so sick. But still had to work full

time

> because I was blessed with an alcoholic husband who didn't work and

pushed

> me out of the bed while I was sick to go to work.

>

> I say blessed with a bit of humor because it's painful to remember

but I

> sometimes wonder if I hadn't gone to work to get the moral support

I had

> there, would I have done so well?

>

> In 2001 I started gleevec and I was doing great compared to the

other stuff,

> but my teenage son was battling some serious depression and he

ended up

> accidentally overdosing 4 times in one year over daddy being like

he was and

> the thought that he may loose his mother.

>

> He was hospitalized each time, received therapy for his depression

and was

> doing well for about 8 months and had another episode. This time he

ended up

> in the intensive care unit after being resuscitated. But he was

also 18

> years old and although I begged the hospital to keep him for an

evaluation

> they sent him to the physc unit and released him the next day.

>

> On the morning of June 19th 2002, only 2 weeks after the last

incident, I

> found my son not breathing when I went to his room to check on him

before

> leaving for work. I lost my baby that day. And still his father

only found

> another excuse to drink.

>

> I cannot explain what the pain of loosing a child feels like, but

its

> nothing like loosing a man who doesn't love you enough to stick by

you

> through sickness and in health. Through good times and bad.

>

> Finally last January 2006 my husband was told he had developed a

severe

> heart disease at age 42 and his liver was so bad that he would die

soon if

> he didn't care for himself better. I begged him to think of his

only son he

> had left and our 3 beautiful granddaughters. Forget about me, I

wanted my

> son and granddaughters to remember a few good times.

>

> He didn't stop and things were worse with his drinking. I finally

decided

> after 27 years that it was gonna be either him or me and possibly

both if I

> didn't do something. I filed for divorce and made him leave the home

> November of 06.

>

> In January of this yr he went into the hospital with back trouble

and 2 days

> later we were having DNR's done as the Dr had suggested it because

his lungs

> were filled with fluid. He never came home because regardless of

how sick he

> was I couldn't do it and I could have never done it if I wanted to.

Day by

> day his brain was poisoned by high levels of ammonia from the liver

and he

> ended up in a facility needing 24 hrs care until he died almost 2

months

> ago.

>

> I became so bitter after loosing my son that I couldn't deal with

his

> selfishness. I also realized that I was going to live, I wanted to

live and

> the kids love me way more than he did.

>

> So I tell you this to say it could be worse. Be glad that someone

who was so

> selfish wasn't selfish enough to put you through all the above. And

being an

> alcoholic was only the tip of the iceberg.

>

> I'd rather have cancer any day than live that life over again.

>

> Once again' I have to add that at 42 I have decided that I am only

half way

> through my life and I have a lot behind me. I prefer to say I am

advanced in

> my classes of life and I pray that the second half will be much

better due

> to the lessons I've learned and all that my first half of life has

added to

> my character.

>

> If I could say anything to you it would be to trust that God knows

exactly

> where you are and to know that you would have not made it to today

if he

> wasn't there to pick you up and keep you going.

>

> Life is not over because we have CML. It's only just beginning. I

don't wish

> any tragedies on any one. But mine sure has made me stop to smell

the roses.

> (Sometimes I move too fast, but I try to slow down when I can)

>

> As for your weight, I agree we all want to have perfect bodies, but

sick or

> not it does require work for most of us and it really shouldn't be

all about

> our vanity but rather our health first.

>

> Somehow, someway, try to start exercising. Even if you start with a

brief

> walk. What it does for you mentally and emotionally is

indescribable! Then

> eventually you can focus on the weight part.

>

> You know if you think good, you'll feel good and if you feel good,

you'll

> look good!

>

> Get up girl and have a great day! You're gonna be just fine:-)

>

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> ez

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